To ask if you can suffer from depression and anxiety despite holding down a job and appearing largely ok?

[fortunatelynot]

Genuinely interested in experiences...can it truly be depression or anxiety when you are still functioning pretty well?

Yes worked with a colleague who killed herself. She was at work on Friday, dead by Saturday night. Maybe her loved ones noticed a change? But only change her colleagues noticed (and we talked about it a lot) Was that she a bit irritable in the week beforehand, which was unlike her, and a bit quiet.

cordelio So sorry to read this. I think the first step is to admit to someone who cares about you how you feel, and ask for help.

Yes, it is possible.
I suffer from depression and anxiety. I am also life and soul of the party and the funniest person at my office. I love my job and it’s my safe space, as I call it. I’m fully immersed in what I like and what I’m good at, anxiety can’t get me there. I can however have a full blown panic attack during my commute. I sometimes need to get off the bus to breathe again. I’m on medication but still struggling to get the balance right.

Yes, reading ths And sobbing. The pain won't go away and the mask I wear every day is exhausting

I am so sorry to hear all of your difficult stories, especially those who have had suicidal thoughts or actually taken steps towards this. It really is heartbreaking.

A few weeks ago I posted a similar type of post on the mental health forum and got few replies - I stupidly thought that actually, maybe very few people felt like I did, but posting on this forum has been a real eye opener.

I’ve had two bouts of moderate depression more than 20 years apart, and continue to experience anxiety off and on.

I’ve never formally had time off work, but there have been patches when I’ve been working at half speed, iykwim. This would involve a lot of displacement activities and staring into space. In some work environments, that could have resulted in disciplinary procedures, so I guess I am fortunate that didn’t happen.

In response to the OP yes. I have BPD and severe anxiety. I am on medication else i dont think work would be feasible. My job is stressfull but without it i would be worse

Yep. I’ve been at a new place of work for a year. No-one there knows I have anxiety and depression. I take my anti-depressants in the morning. See my therapist once a week on my day off and they are none-the-wiser. I don’t care to share it with them so hopefully they have no idea. Some days I feel like getting in my car and driving away. One day I might.

@Floralmood i literally could have written your post myself. I am the workplace clown and it is most definitely a mask.

I have a very successful career and hold a senior position in a big organisation. I also suffer awful anxiety and panic attacks. Sometimes it’s manageable sometimes I feel it dominates everything. There have been times at work where I have felt seconds away from cracking, my heart has been racing, the room has been spinning, I’ve been feeling hot and faint and scared witless yet I’ve carried on and nobody ever seems to noticed. All my professional feedback is how confident I am.

Like a swan I glide into work. Like a swan underneath it all I’m trying very hard to keep up that image. Total mess privately.

Its bizarre isn't it, how we can manage it all at work yet....?

Nosey question - please ignore if too personal but for those in long term relationships, how do you/your partners deal with all this?

I can definitely relate to being depressed but appearing to everyone else as functioning. It's exhausting.

There is a term called "walking depression". I found that summed up my situation quite well.

Sorry to all of those who are/have been depressed 💐

I’ve nothing different to say but yes and I’m doing it. I’m feeling numb in personal relationships too but no plans to come off my ADs. I wish I could but then think why? They’re needed and my family need me to stay relatively sane. I may increase the dose. There should be one which will work for you. You don’t have to just get by love

Yes, definitely, I have been pretending all my life.

@TheoriginalLEM it’s interesting isn’t it. I wish I could be a clown at home too..

Yes!
I have had depression, anxiety and PTSD for nearly 12 years now. I didn't tell anyone at work for about 4 years then I had a sort of breakdown and had a few weeks off. No one had a clue! I quite liked having work as a place where I didn't think about it or talk about it. I have good times and bad times with it now. I don't take any ADs because I don't get on with them at all and I hated the awful side effects. I try to manage it with exercise, vitamins, meditation etc but some days are a struggle. I have never had any formal treatment for the PTSD and I think that is what bothers me the most (the flashbacks and intrusive thoughts can come out of nowhere and can be terrifying)

Yes, totally. I have suffered with anxiety and panic attacks for over 30 years and have never had a day off sick. I've had lots of therapy and take medication and have learnt to control it over the years. At my worst I was having 10 panic attacks a day at work but I knew if I went off sick I would never go back. It's been hideous at times but learning coping strategies has really helped. Weirdly, no one ever notices and think I'm a confident and outgoing person. I manage a high level technical team.

Thank you clairemcnam , you are right and I have at least taken that step by telling my DH everything. However I feel guilty because of the burden it puts on him being my sole emotional support. I’m looking into counselling but the cost where we live is prohibitive beyond a couple of sessions.

OP to answer your question, although my DH is supportive and empathetic, having been through bad depression himself years ago, my condition undoubtedly places a strain on our marriage. It’s made me cold, angry, selfish and relentlessly pessimistic, and he’s the only person who sees the full extent of it which is hard on him. He is a good man but I honestly wouldn’t blame him if he decided couldn’t handle it anymore - I’m not fun to live with.

Yes. People are surprised when I say I have anxiety. I cover it well though as part of the anxiety is worrying about people noticing it!

Not if it's very severe/extreme anxiety and/or depression no!

If it's Moderate to severe then possibly but it totally depends on the individual's symptoms.

Even when things are really tough, financial necessity and social norms can be a huge motivator to put on a brave face even when a person's really struggling.

I mentioned in another post today that here in the US, attitudes towards MH issues are way behind Europe, IMO, and I don't think many people would openly admit that they were stressed/anxious/depressed for fear of the consequences to their careers and even their friendships. OTOH, I suppose it forces you to seek help if you know that being signed off work due to stress or depression could literally result in poverty. I hope we eventually catch up and have more understanding, though.

It's only the most severe cases that cannot work at all in my experience

This isn't true, people have been known to be at work one day and dead the next.

Mine is pretty severe and one of my biggest anxieties is how mine and my children's lives would be If I didn't go. When I have had sick days, I've spent the full day feeling nauseous, having flash backs, making up scenarios in my head about what people are thinking, losing my job, having to explain my illness. At points I can't catch my breath because of it. Working doesn't make it's less severe. It simply means it's the way it effects people differently.

Yes of course. And with ptsd too. Look ok on outside, but everything is really hard, inside you’re screaming a lot. What people see is a facade, but that’s true of most people we very rarely actually know anyone.

OP, did you not get on with venlafaxine? I know it is horrendous to come off but we assume I will be on a low dose forever, upping it whenever I notice a depressive episode setting in.