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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you can suffer from depression and anxiety despite holding down a job and appearing largely ok?

225 replies

fortunatelynot · 12/05/2019 16:49

Genuinely interested in experiences...can it truly be depression or anxiety when you are still functioning pretty well?

OP posts:
BogglesGoggles · 12/05/2019 17:06

Yes.

locketrocket · 12/05/2019 17:06

In fact, I think most people could probably win an Oscar for the act they put on.

Work full time, single parent, 2 teen dc etc

At any given moment, I feel I could lose it, iykwim. I'm on a tightrope that could give way.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 12/05/2019 17:07

Of course. Why do you ask?

AppleCiderVinegar · 12/05/2019 17:07

I'm also interested in why you're asking. It almost sounds like you're doubting someone who's said they are suffering from anxiety or depression.

If that's the case, please don't judge - you've really got no idea about someone else's struggles.

On a slightly different note, a close family member has MS which varies in severity day to day and he's also very good at hiding his symptoms. People make all kinds of assumptions about him because he still works FT (so can't possibly be that ill, can't really need a blue badge etc). Really pisses me off!

recrudescence · 12/05/2019 17:08

Yep, final twenty years or so of my ‘career’ as a teacher. Thank you fluoxetine and a good husband.

LoisSanger · 12/05/2019 17:08

Yes. I found the last thing to fall apart has been my ability to work. Am off sick for a bit now.

cheeseislife8 · 12/05/2019 17:09

Yes.

AnyFucker · 12/05/2019 17:09

Yes. I've been doing it for 35 years.

Next question.

CurrentlyAWreck · 12/05/2019 17:10

I am...just about! It's different for everyone. I'm guessing you've been lucky enough to never have suffered either curse. There's a whole range of anxieties manifesting in different ways and depression is experienced in different levels from crying at anything, putting on clothes and make up and carrying on or not washing or getting out of bed for days, luckily I've never got that depressed just the crying and terrible sadness in the past.

ShastaBeast · 12/05/2019 17:11

Yep. I have a diagnosis of severe recurrent depression but manage well enough that a bad day is me being a bit quiet and grumpy. I can admit to being very depressed with a smile on my face. I find work very helpful, giving me something to focus on and improve my self esteem.

floraloctopus · 12/05/2019 17:12

Yes. Next!

Apileofballyhoo · 12/05/2019 17:13

Yes, it's just very hard. I've worked full time while feeling suicidal. When I did take sick leave my boss could not believe that I could have anxiety or depression as I covered it so well. I think most people do. When people seek help it's usually because they can't take the struggle any more and are at the end of their tether. It's exhausting.

ShastaBeast · 12/05/2019 17:13

I wondered if the OP was asking about themselves.

I also have social anxiety but work is ok because I am speaking about work and not making small talk and being my real self, just doing my work role.

OldUnit · 12/05/2019 17:14

Yes. You HAVE to get up, dress up and show up-if the roof over your head depends on it.

It's like sprinting with a broken leg. Fucking agony.

asdou · 12/05/2019 17:14

@KnitterOfSocks
To my colleagues I would have appeared totally fine until the day I got up, walked out of the office and never came back.

I've been in this situation - twice! Literally just went home sick one day and never went back!
Work can be therapy for me sometimes.
At other times, when I feel it tightening its grip on me, work can be a trigger.

It's not cut and dry.

Khob · 12/05/2019 17:14

Yup. On a plethora of pills, depression, anxiety, bpd.. Working mum suffering all day every day

AlunWynsKnee · 12/05/2019 17:16

GAD & OCD here. Both diagnosed along with 2 other significant chronic physical illnesses. Work almost full time and haven't been off sick in the last year.

scarbados · 12/05/2019 17:16

Yes, I did it from 17 to 64.

I'm now retired and holding down two volunteer posts, both fairly demanding. It's when there's no demands on me that I fall apart.

megletthesecond · 12/05/2019 17:16

Yes.
I kind of drag myself through every day and wing it. I've numbed myself to it tbh.

I've had a couple of days off with depression over the last decade, what I really need is 6 months off to put myself together again.

Original poster
fortunatelynot · 12/05/2019 17:17

my god, thank you for all your replies and so quickly! I am talking about myself , was going to put it in initial post but was not sure if anybody would reply so was just hoping for some response.

I suffered with PND many years ago (now in 40s) and this was when I was in my 20s, and was medicated for many months. I functioned but only just. About three years ago I went to my GP as I wondered if depression was lurking but we pinpointed it down to particular problems around my period. I was prescribed a low dose of Prozac which I took for about 18 months. It worked in so far as it balanced my moods BUT I literally could not cry, felt slightly numb , had horrible, angry dreams and did not really feel like interacting socially. With GP's advice weaned myself off it rather easily and then collapsed in a heap of tears. I started taking it again (with GP's advice) with the same side effects and a few months later stopped again with GP's advice.

The physical side effects of stopping were minor (many years ago with PND I was on Venlafaxine and that was a different story) but this was fine. I had the same numbness on it and felt ready to stop again (bearing in mind it was a really low dose). Three months on I'm an utter mess - however both before starting Prozac (twice), whilst being on it and now, several months off it, I remain in my managerial job (in education - so don't worry to the poster who said they were a teacher!), I go to the gym regularly, my weight is stable, my sleep and diet are reasonable, I don't drink a lot (used to, but this obviously didn't help, so I stopped and haven't returned to it). My house is clean, I'm on top of practicalities we all have to deal with and I study and am achieving distinctions.

But - I think I must be badly depressed. Weekends are awful - I need structure - my relationship with my partner is suffering. My dp said today that I was like a pressure cooker (I don't get angry but he said it is like I will get angry). I don't feel like socialising, I don't particularly want to see anybody socially, I feel distanced from normal things like chats on the phone with a friend or meeting for coffee. I feel like I'm questioning and overthinking everything and I can't see a future or point to anything. Sorry to ramble but just wanted to give a context.

OP posts:
moonrises · 12/05/2019 17:17

Yes you can.

OP if you are talking about yourself, then seek help, it is easy to brush it to one side if you are functioning and not in a deep pit of sadness. But you can still have depression.

As someone as mentioned 'high functioning depression'

I am going to presume it is you (rather than jump to the conclusion like others that you are judging someone else) be kind to yourself and as I said seek help if you need it.

Nanamilly · 12/05/2019 17:17

Yes.

RidgedPerfection · 12/05/2019 17:17

Yes; I can "act" at work.

midnightmoon8 · 12/05/2019 17:17

Yes, I have terrible anxiety and am taking anti depressants. I feel a cloud is hanging over my head. I feel sad. I work full time and appear cheerful and happy to the outside world. Inside I have suicidal thoughts, struggle to get out of bed some mornings, feel lonely and wish the 'black dog' would go away.

mimibunz · 12/05/2019 17:18

Yes, but I have to take citalopram as the anxiety is otherwise debilitating.

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