My mum has asked me to help with my sisters college costs.

[Shootingstar1115]

Hi all, my sister is 16 and going to college in september and there will be added costs like equipment she needs etc and the bus pass etc which will probably cost around a grand.

There is no reason my parents couldn’t afford this if they were careful. They knew she wanted to go to college so why not save up? They both work. My mum only works part time but my stepdad earns a decent wage. They seem to spend above their means. Will pay out for 2-3 holidays a year, days out, night so out but as soon as something comes along like a car repair or a school trip, college!! They haven’t got it for these things. They also live in a council house and there rent is soo cheap (compared to private rent in the area anyway) so I’m not sure where they go wrong.

So I moved out when I was in my late teens. I was financially independent before moving out because they were just terrible with money.

Myself and OH are sort of average when it comes to earnings. We aren’t rich (far bloody from it 😭) but we aren’t poor either and don’t receive any Financial help and own our own home so everything is down to us.

But she’s asking me to help out with the college costs. I’m all for helping people out but it seems unfair that they have been on 2 holidays this year (we haven’t had a holiday in 5 years). Surely I’m not being unreasonable to think this is not my responsibility??? My sister is 16, she could get a part time job surely? I had to at that age!!

My mother has never helped us out financially. My mum receives a huge amount of money off my grandparents who have quite a bit stashed away (they aren’t rich but have saved saved saved all their lives). I just can’t help thinking this is not my place.

We aren’t talking borrowing 30 quid, she wanted £300 odd. We simply haven’t got that kind of money to give out!!

They are still your parents responsibility until she leaves full time education at 18 and no doubt will still be claiming for the child benefit until then as well. Say no x

They can afford it they just dont want to pay out how sad

My dsis does this but doesnt ask for a hand out just says she cant afford something then goes out for dinner the same day

OMG, this is terrible, just say no. I did wonder whether you were going to say that your parents had given you financial help for a college or uni course and were now asking for your help as a bit of a pay back. Although I feel sorry for your sister, it is not your place to help find your parents excessive holiday habit.

Your sister is your Mother's responsibility

Sorry, fund your parents holidays

Idk. Both of my children expect that the other will work for themselves. But I also know that they would help each othervif it was needed.

Talk to your grandparents, see what they have to say. It's your sister who will be punished. Obviously your parents are selfish.

At some point you'll need your sister as a friend. Why not start now by talking to her about this?

Your Mum and her partner(if relevant) need to wake up. Your sister is not your responsibility. If they want her to go to college then they need to stump up. Surely they can see cutting back on holidays all would cover the amount needed. Do hope your sister gets there.

You don't need to give an excuse, say no she's not your responsibility, your not going to gain from it.

No. Your parents are being so beyond unreasonable it's untrue. Holy cow! I'm so cross on your behalf! I'm angry at your DSis, if she knows the plan, for thinking that's OK to ask and not thinking what she could do to better herself.

I'm angry at your parents for asking you to make... well not even sacrifices since you already deny yourself what they allow themselves.

I'm angry, as I know they will resent it if you refuse, and punish you for your own - frankly - amazing effort to avoid the poor example they've set all your life, because - what? They think that by being an expert saver that somehow turns you into a cash cow for the rest of them who don't even try?!

I really hope this doesn't divide your family, but if it does drive a wedge then they will have made their bed. Thanks to your maturity you will be fine; not sure whether they can be as certain.

Wow what a cheek. Please call them out and ask them why they didn’t save some money rather than spending it on two holidays knowing their child is going to college.

Absolutely no/ you obviously love her etc.but it isn’t your responsibility!

I think once you start offering to help they will just see that as an opportunity to keep asking you for money.

I'd say "No sorry, we have children to look after and haven't even been on holiday for five years!'

Say no! Raising their child is their job an raising your kids is yours. It's a bit of a cheeky ask.

Parents are CFs.. Say no to them. Practical ways you can help your sister are helping her set up her own bank account at somewhere like Nationwide, where she can save and have a debit card. Finding out how much Child Benefit is and asking CF parents to give that to sister for bus pass etc. See if college has any financial aid, they often do.. Let the grandparents know what is going on so that if any money is sent by them for same reason -
it goes to your sister and as people have said help her get a part time job - although in my experience it is not as easy to get a Saturday job at 16 anymore. For a start most places want you to work either all weekend or Evenings in the week and she is going to college to learn. A level work load can be heavy, particularly during exams and a lot of places won't employ under 18s for insurance purposes.
The amount your parents are talking about is spread over a year? Lap tops can be bought on HP and the college may be able to help with equipment loan... why has it suddenly become beyond their means to help their child. They are awful.

I thought that my parents were strange.
I think you know that this is wrong.
Say that you'd consider helping out but have a number of debts/loans to repay first which take priority. If they could assist you financially then sure, you'd love to chop in a percentage.

I would say to her surely its the parents that she be contributing not the siblings, also say that your saving for your children’s future education as you wouldn’t dream of asking other people to contribute to their education.

Maybe add, If you give up one of your holidays and sister gets a part time job you should have it sorted between you, you have to make these sacrifices for your children that why you haven’t had a holiday for 5 years as your budgeting for your families long term future.

Is your step dad your sister's father or her step dad too?

I think that makes a difference. Rightly or wrongly if your mother is in the sort of relationship where the joint pot can't fund HER daughter's education then she is appealing you to care about that.

If your step dad is your sister's father then I would say no sorry we can't afford that.

I think your mom has got a f*cking cheek to be honest!

Her child, her responsibility. Not yours.

Tel her no, in no uncertain terms. You have your own life and own family to pay for. Your mom brought your sister into this world, she is her responsibility first and foremost.

At 16 I took a part time Saturday job when I was at college. At no point did I need £1k for ‘equipment’.

No. I peuod say sorry we cant afford it. Simples. If she starts to dig into your finances then please free to ask for her last years bank statements.
Also a sister can start working part time. College is lovely but if her parents are financially irresponsible this is the time for her to learn consequences . Or she will
Grow up same as them.
Funny how irresponsible ones always want others to boot the bill.
If your parents were ill, struggling, unemployed etc then I think you shouod help your sister rise. But , if you parents priorotise their own spending - its not your problem or reaponsibilty. Be simple in your words and keep repeating them - you dont owe them explanations or justifications. Just “cant afford it “

Say sorry you are saving for your 1st holiday in 5 years I really don’t understand why you would be doing this or why they think you would agree it.She may be your sister she isn’t your responsibility. Say no so your Mum knows where she stands it’s her responsibility to make changes to her life not you.

You've 2 options as I see it:

1. keep it short and say "sorry, can't afford it".

2. sit them down and tell them exactly what you've told us: they have a cheaper rent and more disposable income and as they cannot afford it because they choose to spend the money on holidays (when you've not had one in 5 years) and you've 2 children of your own to budget for it is exceptionally cheeky of them to even ask and make it clear you expect them to manage better going forward.

I'm sure they know and and are just chancing their arm and as others have said, what will happen if your sister goes to university?

YANBU, they are. Put a stop to this now but leave your grandparents out of it. I would also have a chat with your sister and explain your stance.

No. YANBU. Your responsibility- financial and otherwise - is your DC. Their responsibility is your sister.

I do think a PP had a good suggestion re. talking to your grandparents about directly funding something for your sister like buying her a yearly bus pass or buying the textbooks or a decent stationery shop voucher.

OP has already said that the child is the product of both the parents in the home.
But even if she wasn't and the father was just refusing to pay that's still not OPs problem. She has the responsibility of her own family.
That would still be the mothers issue to deal with.

Definitely not. She’s taking the piss.

Tell her your own kids have things you need to pay for like uniforms trips shoes etc. Your kids are your responsibility your sister is theirs.