My mum has asked me to help with my sisters college costs.

[Shootingstar1115]

Hi all, my sister is 16 and going to college in september and there will be added costs like equipment she needs etc and the bus pass etc which will probably cost around a grand.

There is no reason my parents couldn’t afford this if they were careful. They knew she wanted to go to college so why not save up? They both work. My mum only works part time but my stepdad earns a decent wage. They seem to spend above their means. Will pay out for 2-3 holidays a year, days out, night so out but as soon as something comes along like a car repair or a school trip, college!! They haven’t got it for these things. They also live in a council house and there rent is soo cheap (compared to private rent in the area anyway) so I’m not sure where they go wrong.

So I moved out when I was in my late teens. I was financially independent before moving out because they were just terrible with money.

Myself and OH are sort of average when it comes to earnings. We aren’t rich (far bloody from it 😭) but we aren’t poor either and don’t receive any Financial help and own our own home so everything is down to us.

But she’s asking me to help out with the college costs. I’m all for helping people out but it seems unfair that they have been on 2 holidays this year (we haven’t had a holiday in 5 years). Surely I’m not being unreasonable to think this is not my responsibility??? My sister is 16, she could get a part time job surely? I had to at that age!!

My mother has never helped us out financially. My mum receives a huge amount of money off my grandparents who have quite a bit stashed away (they aren’t rich but have saved saved saved all their lives). I just can’t help thinking this is not my place.

We aren’t talking borrowing 30 quid, she wanted £300 odd. We simply haven’t got that kind of money to give out!!

www.gov.uk/child-benefit-16-19

It depends on the course as to whether they will continue to get child benefit

Oh my god no you are not being unreasonable I'm not wanting to fork out money from your hard earnings to pay for something they should of put away for. You have your own house, kids, bills etc to be carrying on with. Just say you can't afford it. I have a feeling theyll themselves together and sort out your sisters college fees in the end.

DD got a travel voucher from her College to cover term-time travel. I'm sure that's available to your sister. There'll be other financial help available too.

Perhaps she could get a job over the summer and buy some of this equipment herself?

Don't do it OP. I'm paying for my nephews college accommodation (theater school away from home) as well as my own rent and uni costs because my sister pisses her (and her childrens) money away and his dad is a useless git who'd rather see his son homeless.

your not being unreasonable at all. point out that you really cannot afford to help out and maybe they should have less holidays ?
might cause a row, but if you dont have the money , then you dont have it. they cant demand that you help out. your sister could try and get a part time job too to help with the bus pass costs.
i know that college and uni fees are a lot to find ( and a shock after years of free schooling at a state school) but they must have realised it was looming?

@ImposterSyndrome101 oh that is awful how long until the nephew leaves college and is he working part time to help with money?

Unanimously agreed there then OP. You can say no with clear conscience

If they argue about it I would find it really hard not to point out their self-indulgent spending, too.

If you want to help your little sister and can afford to do so, make sure you directly pay for something, rather than giving the money to your parents. And I'd advise giving it outright not lending it and expecting it back at some point. Generosity is never a mistake imo. BUT, if you genuinely cannot afford to help her then say so directly and without delay, and put it behind you.

I would consider showing them this thread so they can see the reaction.

"no, I'm sorry but DH and I aren't in a position to help out"

Nice, simple and to the point

OP has her own children to fund so I don't see why she should fund anyone else's

This falls under the heading of eating your own young. They seriously expect their child to subsidise their own extravagance? Bloody hell. Say you can't afford it, and don't be manipulated. I agree with everyone else.

Most people on MN are parents. That means we're likely to see things from the parental perspective. The fact we're all horrified by this should show you that it's not normal. At all.

@Shootingstar1115

Of course YANBU. That is AWFUL for your parents to expect you to fork out for your sister. It's very wrong, and not your responsibility at ALL.

I know someone whose mother kept asking her for money for her brother to go abroad on school trips, and trips that his hobby group kept organising. She had a £600 a month mortgage (20 years ago,) and obviously other expenses like travel, food, bills etc... Yet her mother kept saying 'you know Danny could do with a bit of extra money for his sports trip...' and 'you got any spare money for Danny?'

Utter cheek. She was incensed every time her mother asked her, and sometimes her mother got arsey with her, and told her she was mean and spiteful.

Like in some other families; the son was favoured over the daughter.

Easy answer is "Sorry, with 2 children of our own, there's nothing to spare". It's the truth, end of.

If you need to go further, you could add, "in fact, we haven't been able to afford a holiday for 5 years and were going to ask you of you'd pay for one."

@TinklyLittleLaugh that must mean you earn way above the threshold to receive financial assistance then as all colleges pay bus passes through means tested applications for this. If the OP parents are on low incomes the chance is she may well receive a grant to cover this cost. I am struggling how your bus pass is £700 upfront? Are you using public transport or private buses through the college?

NO FUCKING WAY. She's a mooch and a CFer.

'No, that won't be possible. We don't have money to spare. It's your responsibility. DSis needs to get a job like I did.'

And that's it. NO sorry, excuses or justifications because people like this have hides like rhinos and if you give them an inch they will take a mile and expect a road on top of that.

It has to be 'No, that's not possible . . . '

Clear and direct.

Wouldn't bother arguing with her at all or throwing up the holidays or being bailed out because all CFs are entitled people who feel they are better than others and there deserve to have their every whim and desire met.

Was pretty much gonna post THIS, but @MrsTerryPratchett got there first, & admirably succinctly:

If they ask, I'd say, "mum, you've had two holidays this year and we haven't in five, you have more disposable income than us". They've been bailed out by the Grandparents and are planning to sponge off you next. Refuse.

YADDDDDDNBU, but i think there's more to it than the simple "no. It's not my responsibility" response I would wholeheartedly support. Everyone saying that your sister should get a job and support herself is, in my view, being a little heavy-handed. She's a 16 year old girl who has long said she plans to go to college, and her parents haven't bothered to prepare for it financially, presumably without her knowledge. To say to her out of the blue, that they spent all the money they could have put aside for her course on holidays, so she has to get a job if she wants it to be paid for, seems abrupt. The thought of being told that at 16; feeling let down and being given that sudden burden of responsibility as your parents relinquish theirs; that's a lot to handle. I'm not saying she shouldn't be encouraged to get one, but for that to be the answer to OPs specific post, just seems a bit much.

It's £300, Mumma, not £30,000. It's not a lot for a teen to earn assuming college starts in August or September.

But again, the OP does not have that money to spare so the only answer is no.

@MummaMooMoo I agree the parents have behaved terribly but at some point you have to take some responsibility for your own education so I think the 16 year old must at least contribute. Also you can talk about how poorly the parents have behaved till you are blue in the face but it doesn’t change the fact the money isn’t there and the op isn’t in a position to fill the hole so if she wants to go to college then she has to be prepared to put the work in. It also teaches a valuable lesson about how hard work means you get what you want.

My stepfather is my 3 younger siblings father ☺️ Inc my sister going to college. He brought me up from a young age sometimes in posts or refer to him as stepdad and sometimes dad so apologies if that confused anyone!

Say no. It was obvious by the sounds of it that these expenses were coming up, they need to budget better. Maybe your mum could increase her hours and / or your sister can get a job? Not sure why it’s your problem

I think you can honestly tell your mum that you can't afford it. Possibly add that if they didn't go on one of their holidays, they could afford it themselves.

I wouldn't give money to your parents but I would sit down with your sister, look at what financial help is available and help her work out a plan for affording college.