Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My mum has asked me to help with my sisters college costs.

214 replies

Shootingstar1115 · 12/05/2019 16:41

Hi all, my sister is 16 and going to college in september and there will be added costs like equipment she needs etc and the bus pass etc which will probably cost around a grand.

There is no reason my parents couldn’t afford this if they were careful. They knew she wanted to go to college so why not save up? They both work. My mum only works part time but my stepdad earns a decent wage. They seem to spend above their means. Will pay out for 2-3 holidays a year, days out, night so out but as soon as something comes along like a car repair or a school trip, college!! They haven’t got it for these things. They also live in a council house and there rent is soo cheap (compared to private rent in the area anyway) so I’m not sure where they go wrong.

So I moved out when I was in my late teens. I was financially independent before moving out because they were just terrible with money.

Myself and OH are sort of average when it comes to earnings. We aren’t rich (far bloody from it 😭) but we aren’t poor either and don’t receive any Financial help and own our own home so everything is down to us.

But she’s asking me to help out with the college costs. I’m all for helping people out but it seems unfair that they have been on 2 holidays this year (we haven’t had a holiday in 5 years). Surely I’m not being unreasonable to think this is not my responsibility??? My sister is 16, she could get a part time job surely? I had to at that age!!

My mother has never helped us out financially. My mum receives a huge amount of money off my grandparents who have quite a bit stashed away (they aren’t rich but have saved saved saved all their lives). I just can’t help thinking this is not my place.

We aren’t talking borrowing 30 quid, she wanted £300 odd. We simply haven’t got that kind of money to give out!!

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 12/05/2019 17:12

Say no. You can’t afford it.

She’s their kid. Not yours.

Cheeky fuckers.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 12/05/2019 17:12

If she asks again, definitely reply with what @MrsTerryPratchett has suggested and if you're pressed, say that you're trying to save for X, Y or Z that you need for yourself so you don't have any 'disposable' income. Suggest that Dsis gets herself a part time/weekend job to give her the money to pay for her bus ticket etc.

FireflyEden · 12/05/2019 17:12

The college provides grants for this and covers the costs of travelling. Books do not need to be bought, they can be loaned from the library. Other equipment can be loaned from college. I think your mum needs to go speak with the college finance team who will guide her through financial assistance availability.

Aprillygirl · 12/05/2019 17:16

Wow your mum has some cheek! Tell her to forgo one of her holidays this year and help out HER child herself. You have your own kids to provide for.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 12/05/2019 17:18

I think you could help your sister by teaching her about finances and budgeting etc because clearly your parents won’t do that. Talk to her about what uni might cost when she goes and help her to get set up with a bank account and savings account (that your mum doesn’t know about). Then money from a job can go into that.
Also maybe you can talk to your grandparents about paying for education expenses directly.

When I was a student I got an industry sponsorship. It was paid termly. My parents had it off me to pay their credit card bill and then paid it back to me monthly - without interest and not always on time. Took me far too long to put a stop to that!

IHateUncleJamie · 12/05/2019 17:20

I think the reply your mum needs is “No Mum, you’re her parent. I have children of my own to save for.”

BlueJava · 12/05/2019 17:22

Say no you can't afford it and say this every time - I get the feeling if you do it once they'll come back for more and more.

Sweetpea55 · 12/05/2019 17:24

Why can't your sister get a pt job. Lots of other teenagers do to help out with the cost of books etc

FancyAPint · 12/05/2019 17:27

Oh my god, what a nerve!!!

I'd say a very strong no, say sorry i've got my own children to pay for and we're trying to save for our first holiday in 5yrs.... (with raised eyebrows).

Justkeeprollingalong · 12/05/2019 17:28

Exactly what @MrsTerryPratchett said.

PinkiOcelot · 12/05/2019 17:28

Can’t believe they’ve actually asked tbh. CFers!

whyohwhyowhydididoit · 12/05/2019 17:29

I agree. Say no, we are saving up for a holiday.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 12/05/2019 17:31

sorry mum ...no can do in fact i was going to ask you to lend me some for .... tell you what you sort sister out and I will sort us out...

barcodescanner · 12/05/2019 17:31

I'm not sure why they will need £300. My daughter started college aged 16 last September.
Hasn't cost any more than secondary school.
One trip which cost £25, stationary, a few clothes as no more uniform. And bus fare, where I am we can get a saver card for £15 per year which gives under 18's half price travel.

barcodescanner · 12/05/2019 17:32

But agree with everyone else, it is not your responsibility

ItWentInMyEye · 12/05/2019 17:37

Wow! 100% no to the CFers!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 12/05/2019 17:41

I'm not sure why they will need £300. My daughter started college aged 16 last September.
Hasn't cost any more than secondary school.

You were lucky then Barr. A bus pass for sixth form college is £700 here. Or you can do your A levels at the tech in town which is pretty rubbish.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 12/05/2019 17:42

And shockingly, that’s £700 up front. No instalment plan.

Purpletigers · 12/05/2019 17:44

Your mum needs to work full time if she can’t meet her financial obligations. Don’t let her make you feel guilty .

IStillMissBlockbuster · 12/05/2019 17:46

God they're taking the piss. So obviously don't agree to it, but also, I wouldn't get drawn into discussing it either. It's not remotely your responsibility.

AdoraBell · 12/05/2019 17:49

No, just no. As pp have said this isn’t your responsibility.

If you go along with this now it will progress to “DSis needs money for a house, DSis can’t work so she needs money for her weekend away, DSis needs a holiday with her mates, DSis needs money for her selective organic diet” etc, etc.

Just tell your DM no.

INeedAFlerken · 12/05/2019 17:49

YADNBU. And it's pretty poor form of your mum to be asking you at all under the circumstances.

I second the posters wondering whether or not grandparents can be asked for a bit of educational support paid directly to your sister IF they can afford to help.

redwoodmazza · 12/05/2019 17:50

I think Child Benefit continues up to 20th birthday if it's non-advanced education.
[Non-advanced means studying for a qualification up to NVQ or SVQ level 3, GCSEs, A-levels or similar, BTEC National Diplomas, National Certificates or a 1st Diploma. It also includes Traineeships in England or Wales and Foundation Apprenticeships in Wales.]

BMW6 · 12/05/2019 17:50

I'd say "You have GOT to be joking! You are her parent, I am not. You can afford holidays every year, we have not been able to afford a holiday for 5 years. We are managing our own finances with zero help from anyone and will budget for our childrens futures if we have any cash to save. You take care of your own responsibilities as we do ours"

I am absolutely astonished that she had the audacity to even think about asking you! Shock

W0man0nMarz · 12/05/2019 17:50

Why don't you ask your sister what the money is for
If you agree, you could give some directly to her
However, suggest PT work