My mum has asked me to help with my sisters college costs.

[Shootingstar1115]

Hi all, my sister is 16 and going to college in september and there will be added costs like equipment she needs etc and the bus pass etc which will probably cost around a grand.

There is no reason my parents couldn’t afford this if they were careful. They knew she wanted to go to college so why not save up? They both work. My mum only works part time but my stepdad earns a decent wage. They seem to spend above their means. Will pay out for 2-3 holidays a year, days out, night so out but as soon as something comes along like a car repair or a school trip, college!! They haven’t got it for these things. They also live in a council house and there rent is soo cheap (compared to private rent in the area anyway) so I’m not sure where they go wrong.

So I moved out when I was in my late teens. I was financially independent before moving out because they were just terrible with money.

Myself and OH are sort of average when it comes to earnings. We aren’t rich (far bloody from it 😭) but we aren’t poor either and don’t receive any Financial help and own our own home so everything is down to us.

But she’s asking me to help out with the college costs. I’m all for helping people out but it seems unfair that they have been on 2 holidays this year (we haven’t had a holiday in 5 years). Surely I’m not being unreasonable to think this is not my responsibility??? My sister is 16, she could get a part time job surely? I had to at that age!!

My mother has never helped us out financially. My mum receives a huge amount of money off my grandparents who have quite a bit stashed away (they aren’t rich but have saved saved saved all their lives). I just can’t help thinking this is not my place.

We aren’t talking borrowing 30 quid, she wanted £300 odd. We simply haven’t got that kind of money to give out!!

She’s your sister, not your dependant.
Say no, don’t even need to explain yourself imo.

Thank you. They actually aren’t on a low income which annoys me more. My stepdad earns a pretty decent wage!

No, your parents should have planned. My DD is going to a selective secondary school 3 miles away this year. I've been saving for the best part of a year for her bus pass, uniform and equipment. It's what parents do.

Say no, not your responsibility and you don't have the money anyway!!

Nope. Besides, you have your own children to save for.

YANBU Sorry mum, I can't afford that kind of money, then suggest she can apply for hardship, dsis can work while studying, your mum can work FT if she needs extra money, etc.

Expect emotional blackmail, so get it in your head now your sisters further education is not your financial responsibility and if she can't go to college it is because she and her mum decided not to find ways to find it through earning more or investigating the help available. Just keep repeating, sorry, we can't afford it.

Nope. Not your problem.

They will still get child benefit and any tax credits (if they get them) for her till she's 19 if she stays in education.

Shes not your child so this isnt your problem. At 16 she can get a part time job to pay for her things.

Not your responsibility. Your sister could make most of that grand over the summer holidays after exams. It's totally normal for 16+ year olds to have part-time jobs here.

Is your stepdad your sisters stepdad too? Is he maybe refusing to fund further education as she is not his child?

Say no you can't afford it, not your responsibility.

If you do and if she goes to university you will be getting asked again.

You sister will still get child benefit if she is under 18 and studying a non-advanced college course. That means not at university level. If she’s at college she’s treated the same as a pupil still at school.

Have your GP not offered/been asked? What are they saving like mad for?
I wouldn't contribute, it's unlikely to be a one off.

And also you’re not being unreasonable. It’s ridiculous your Mum is suggesting this!

I agree with all the above posters saying this is not your problem & you should refuse to give money to your parents. You don't need to give a reason or talk about all the holidays they've had - you can't afford to or don't want to give money is reason enough.

If you did want & feel able to help your sister then give things directly to her, not your mum. You might find it better to give a concrete item - the bus pass, a lap top or fancy calculator etc rather than money that could be redirected for other purposes or to other people.

Your sister can easily get a pt job, student/child bus pass shouldn't he too much plus she's probably able to claim travel expenses. Tell yr DM to organise her finances better, you have your children to keep not hers.

Tell her you can't afford it as you are saving for your own children's future college costs. She might just get the point.

I agree with everyone else - this isn't our responsibility and would set an awful precedent if you did it

Can I ask how your DM even began to justify asking you though? It just seems so completely off the wall that it's hard to see what her mindset would have been

"your" responsibility, not "our" ... obviously!!

YANBU. Your parents need to sort out her fees themselves and she can get a part time job to help fund her college years. Why not point out that if they didn't have a holiday for a year or 2 they could afford it.

Just say no

Your sister can look for a PT job and your mum can look for a FT job.

Agree with other pps...It definitely is not your problem.

Just to say, your sister is not the responsibility of your stepfather, that may be why your mum is asking for help but then, if you are not well off and you mum has not supported you to go to college, she cannot really ask for that especially if you now have your own family to provide for.

Your mum has another 2 years to save, and your sister may need to decide whether she can afford her choices or choose a more inexpensive route.

YADNBU. There are ways round it for them, through college as another pp said, but either way I'd just tell her you can't afford it

Don't pay for it. What will happen in two years time if she does well at college? Will you be expected to pay for university costs too? I think you may already know the answer to that question!