My mum has asked me to help with my sisters college costs.

[Shootingstar1115]

Hi all, my sister is 16 and going to college in september and there will be added costs like equipment she needs etc and the bus pass etc which will probably cost around a grand.

There is no reason my parents couldn’t afford this if they were careful. They knew she wanted to go to college so why not save up? They both work. My mum only works part time but my stepdad earns a decent wage. They seem to spend above their means. Will pay out for 2-3 holidays a year, days out, night so out but as soon as something comes along like a car repair or a school trip, college!! They haven’t got it for these things. They also live in a council house and there rent is soo cheap (compared to private rent in the area anyway) so I’m not sure where they go wrong.

So I moved out when I was in my late teens. I was financially independent before moving out because they were just terrible with money.

Myself and OH are sort of average when it comes to earnings. We aren’t rich (far bloody from it 😭) but we aren’t poor either and don’t receive any Financial help and own our own home so everything is down to us.

But she’s asking me to help out with the college costs. I’m all for helping people out but it seems unfair that they have been on 2 holidays this year (we haven’t had a holiday in 5 years). Surely I’m not being unreasonable to think this is not my responsibility??? My sister is 16, she could get a part time job surely? I had to at that age!!

My mother has never helped us out financially. My mum receives a huge amount of money off my grandparents who have quite a bit stashed away (they aren’t rich but have saved saved saved all their lives). I just can’t help thinking this is not my place.

We aren’t talking borrowing 30 quid, she wanted £300 odd. We simply haven’t got that kind of money to give out!!

What is your relationship with your sister like? Its not her that's bad with money and yet its her that's going to struggle. I've helped all 5 of my younger siblings with costs for school (trips, uniform etc) then college and uni, because yes I had to fund my own way but I love them and don't want them to have to do the same, I don't pay everything because I cant afford to and have my own DC, but I help where I can, its not their fault my parents have more children than they can afford.

If you can't afford it you can't afford it and its not your responsibility but your parents holidays aren't your sisters fault either.

Your mum needs a FT job if they can't afford to live on their current wages.

@Takethebuscuitandthesink, three to five years if he stays there for his BA. If he's doing the BA though he'll get SFE and because of his parents incomes he'll get all of it like I do.

I get that and highest rate of daily living allowance and mobility for PIP because I have my own disabilities, plus part time wages but I can just about afford to pay for his rent each month and half of his shopping bills. My sister and her ex pay the other half of his food bill each month (when they remember).

He's only just gone 17 and doesn't have his GCSE maths or english at a pass yet, so is struggling to get a job. He had a cash in hand one collecting glasses in a club but spooked when a guy tried to grope him so I told him to quit. The school are putting him through them. He got in on a scholarship so the course is paid for.

My sister and her ex weren't going to let him go because they couldn't afford his rent even with serious cut backs but I couldn't let him miss the chance he'd been given. He's been given the opportunity to get out and escape the path most people where we live end up going down. It's not fair for him to suffer because my sister can't manage money, and his dad is an abusive useless man. I think it embaresses my nephew that he needs me to pay his rent but he's 17 and he is finding it easier to tell me if he has enough money or not and starting to take it for granted somewhat and I'm glad of that, that I am able to support him and that he can take for granted that he has a secure home and can pay his bills and feed himself.

I resent the fact my sister is so incompetent with money, but I love my nieces and nephews and I'll always help if I can. I'm currently pricing gymnastics lessons for his little brothers birthday present this year because he's been asking to try for over a year now.

So different situation but similar feelings or resentment. I'm working for my money or receiving it for health or educational purposes and she isn't. But I suppose it's easier because she's not going abroad or buying fancy things or anything. If that was the case I'd refuse because that's just a literal pisstake.

Bloody hell. Any "spare" money you have will surely go towards your children's education, not your sibling's.

It's early May. If your mum saves your sister's child benefit every week*, by the time college starts, she'll have about £350.

How much do they spend on a night out? £100? If they forego one night out a month until then, they'll have another £400.

That'll nearly cover it. Maybe your sister can get a holiday job, and she'll be able to save the rest.

They sound like cheeky fuckers, and feckless into the bargain.

*My SIL did this so they'd be in a position to help when their daughter went to uni. DNiece is 17 now, decided against uni, earns good money from her p/t job and saves loads. SIL still regards the child benefit savings as her daughter's money, so it's now stashed away to go towards the deposit on her first home.

Given your parents’ age and responsibilities their behaviour is appalling. Say no, you can’t afford it, end of.

Say no. I stayed at home for uni. As did my sister. I got a bursary for my course and paid my board money directly to my sister as she had more expenses than I did. But I could afford it and I didn't mind in the slightest. (She has an humongous workload)

Child benefit and tax credits will continue for her until 19, for anything up to a level 3 course. Tell your mum to pay it out of that!

No you are certainly not unreasonable.

'Sorry, we just can't afford it.'

Repeat as/if necessary, and if needed because of sob-story/wheedling, add, 'I'm not going to discuss it any more, sorry.'

Some people will always try to sponge off others who are mug enough, rather than give up any of their own non-essentials.

CF'ery of the highest order. How dare they!

Say no and ask your grandparents clearly to directly help your sister because the money they give your DM is going on holidays instead of going towards DSis's needs.

DSis can get student loans and a job; you can help out with small gifts e.g. book vouchers for presents, but she shouldn't rely on you.

I wouldn't give them a penny. Tell them not to ask you for money again. The situation you've described here is, frankly, ridiculous.

However I would sit down with your sister and tell her she needs to get a part time job. It will do her so much good if your parents are as shit with money as you say they are. She will be able to buy some college stuff herself, save a bit for the future and it will help her learn to manage her own money - a vital skill for all of us but especially those of us who will never have any financial help from parents. It will put her in good stead to get onto her own two feet as soon as college is over, and then it won't matter as much that your parents aren't providing for her the way that they should be.

You are not responsible for your sisters college costs at all how has your mother come to this idea ? and don't you dare feel obligated into doing so.
My GD is now 17 and has gone to college since last year,she has a bus pass supplied by the college and a weekly payment paid into her account from the college to help with costs,she finishes her college day at 3.30pm and works at Pizza Hut from 4.30pm until 8.30 giving her plenty of time to do any homework she has to do,it makes sure she has her own money for anything she needs my DD gets CB until she is 18.

Not your responsibility at all and am shocked your Mum had the bare faced cheek to even ask!

Your sister is old enough to get a PT job now to pay for her own bus pass and your Mum will still receive CB until she leaves college at 18.

I wouldn’t even say sorry.

No. I have my own children and family to support.

2 holidays this year (we haven’t had a holiday in 5 years)

If you have a good enough relationship with them, point out that they could cut their holidays down to one per year and put the money for the second holiday towards sisters' costs.

Alternatively, I would tell them that you're barely making ends meet, so can't afford to incur any extra payments, but you'd be happy to use the money you'd otherwise be spending on birthday/xmas gifts for Mum and Dad to contribute to a bus pass for Sister instead?

If you're worried they'll still expect a gift come xmas, you could decline to contribute anything upfront, and then give them cash in lieu of a gift at xmas. That way they can be selfish and buy themselves something, or choose to give it to sister. And you won't end up spending above your usual amount.

@TinklyLittleLaugh I thought it was education or training (workplace apprenticeship for eg) could be wrong though- we've not crossed that bridge yet!

@BogglesGoggles

This really isn’t your responsibility. If it’s only a grand they can always put it on a credit card and pay it off when they have the funds. This really is the height of CFery.

While I agree it's not the OPs responsibilty and she should never have been asked, I disagree about 'only' a grand. That's a lot of money to me!

@mirime well it’s an amount that is pretty easy to borrow. I’m not saying they should be able to pull it out of thin air but unless they have very bad credit they should be able to borrow it easily. I was once offered a loan (just offered not having enquired) for £20k despite having no income at the time and very little credit history 🤷‍♀️

'No, I'm busy earning and saving for my own children's education. Thus is why we haven't had a holiday in 5 years we are trying hard to make them and their futures our current priority '

Hi OP. I'm with pretty much everyone else hear. Please give a firm and clear "No" to your parents.

Not only do you not have the responsibility to fund your sister's further education but you yourself are on a tight budget. Why would you and your husband get into debt to help their finances when you have your own and your children's needs (now and future) to take care of and actually haven't been able to have a family holiday in years, whilst your parents can afford several holidays each year?

I also agree your mother should work extra hours and/or reduce the amount of holidays so she can fund your sister who should also be looking for part time/weekend/holiday work to help fund herself.

Don't get sucked in financially and set a precedent which would make the future harder for you. The solution and finances are for your parents to sort out.

Point out that you haven't have a holiday for 5 years. And just say you can't afford to help out. Could your sibling get a part time job to help?

This is not your responsibility. Your mum is being cheeky and irresponsible. Could she not work full time?

Firstly No is a full sentence. So you don’t NEED to give a reason.

Secondly if you want to give a reason you can simply say sorry but mortgage payments need to be made with your money, you have your own children that as their parent you need to put first and that you can’t afford a holiday so perhaps if they went without a holiday or two for a couple of years they would be able to afford things for your sisters college. You don’t need to be rude about it or anything (though I would be tempted) purely because it’s family and you I assume want to preserve the relationship but just say that unfortunately you have to make life choices according to your budget and she might need to start doing the same until all their children have left the nest.

I you can't afford, say no. She isn't your responsibility.

Parents can be CFs about this. My Dad offered my Bro (and wife) 500 pounds on my behalf so they could go on holiday! We could afford it, so I would have said yes if asked. But I was very angry that he just assumed I would.