My mum has asked me to help with my sisters college costs.

[Shootingstar1115]

Hi all, my sister is 16 and going to college in september and there will be added costs like equipment she needs etc and the bus pass etc which will probably cost around a grand.

There is no reason my parents couldn’t afford this if they were careful. They knew she wanted to go to college so why not save up? They both work. My mum only works part time but my stepdad earns a decent wage. They seem to spend above their means. Will pay out for 2-3 holidays a year, days out, night so out but as soon as something comes along like a car repair or a school trip, college!! They haven’t got it for these things. They also live in a council house and there rent is soo cheap (compared to private rent in the area anyway) so I’m not sure where they go wrong.

So I moved out when I was in my late teens. I was financially independent before moving out because they were just terrible with money.

Myself and OH are sort of average when it comes to earnings. We aren’t rich (far bloody from it 😭) but we aren’t poor either and don’t receive any Financial help and own our own home so everything is down to us.

But she’s asking me to help out with the college costs. I’m all for helping people out but it seems unfair that they have been on 2 holidays this year (we haven’t had a holiday in 5 years). Surely I’m not being unreasonable to think this is not my responsibility??? My sister is 16, she could get a part time job surely? I had to at that age!!

My mother has never helped us out financially. My mum receives a huge amount of money off my grandparents who have quite a bit stashed away (they aren’t rich but have saved saved saved all their lives). I just can’t help thinking this is not my place.

We aren’t talking borrowing 30 quid, she wanted £300 odd. We simply haven’t got that kind of money to give out!!

Six pages of 'No!' so far.

Parents can be CFs, can't they?

I'm presuming here but do they not get child benefit/ tax credits? if so they can use this

Why not just say that you are happy to buy her a new bag or some stationary at the start of term, but you are saving and have not had holiday in 5 years so can’t help with ongoing costs. If they are choosing to spend money on extra ‘luxuries’ for them, then her education - rather than being unable to find the money at all, they should definitely not ask you.

I would be inclined to help your sister a little, with strict rules about seeing receipts and accountability to you. Maybe sit down with your sister and work out a repayment plan if the lack of money will mean she can't go to college. She can get a pt job or work in the summer or over the Christmas holidays and repay you according to a strict schedule.

I don't think A levels are a luxury.

I wouldn't give a penny to your mother to spend on her behalf. Are you sure your mother doesn't have some high interest personal loans that need paying?

I would say no, because where does it end. Say to your mum maybe they should give up one of the holidays to pay for it.

Im shocked your parents have even asked i mean if they were obv hard up then yeh family will help but as you say shes their respinsibility not yours . I think you should say no help your sis find a little macdonalds job with flexi hours ( my son works there and there very accomodating with study hours) and tell your parents sorry but youve got your own finances to sort x

Definitely parental responsibility.

No it’s not your responsibility and you shouldn’t be lending anything you can’t afford! If they can afford 2-3 holidays a year they can afford to save for your sisters college equipment! I doubt what she needs cost £300!!! They are being CF’s!

I’d say no sorry all your spare cash is being put aside for when your own children go to college so you don’t have to rely on any one else!

Absolutely not!!
Will she help for your children??

They’re taking the piss I’m annoyed on your behalf

If there are other, younger, siblings then there’s a risk of history repeating itself and each of them missing out because of their parents piss-poor inability to prioritise budgeting skills.
They need to make changes in their choices, so at the risk of upsetting the apple cart you may just have to come out and say “use the money you would otherwise use for one of your holidays instead - I can’t afford such luxuries as I have DC of my own, so if you need money for DSIS college, then you need to cut back on your luxuries.”
And yy to helping DSIS understand budgeting skills that she’ll unlikely learn from your DPs.

What does your sister say to the costs of going to college? Is she expecting to get a job, take out a student loan to help with these costs? Years ago at art school and with no grant at that time I was expected to find money for materials, travel etc my parents paid my rent and my house bills. As a result I worked 3 jobs and in the holidays I gave my parents the money to pay for items for the following year. Your sister needs to have a dialogue with your Mum & Stepdad to have a realisation about going to further education and all that it entails. No, you mustn’t contribute as these aren’t costs you should have to help with. £300 is a possible camping holiday near the sea or in an account for your own children’s future. Your Mum request is unfair. Give your Mum a firm ‘no’ but do talk to your sister and help her have confidence in gaining a job to help herself with these costs. In the end it will put her in a better place with her finances and keep your relationship as Sisters on track. Your Mum must be told to forego her holidays!

Not your responsibility -- you are not the parent of your sister.

God, your mother's got more front than Harrods, cheeky feckless mare.

I'd tell her NO and point out that you have your own children to support and mention the disparity in holidays. Suggest she get a fulltime job if money is that tight. And your DS should be looking for a part-time job at sixteen.

YADNBU. Your parents are being sponging gits. However, how is it that college is going to require all this money? My eldest started A Levels at his former School’s 6th Form last year. Quite honestly, it’s loads cheaper for him (and me/his dad).

Well...Just explain that to her?

Yadnbu don't give her anything!

I think Chester says it perfectly:
"I'm sorry, we can't afford to contribute. We don't have the funds. You must though surely, mum? You've been abroad twice this year already!"

I would also be taking sister aside and telling her that your parents are utterly shit with money and if she wants to have a hope in hell of a secure future, she needs to seriously start thinking about earning now as they people that she thinks she can rely on are hopeless. Sad but true.

You get tax credits during A levels

Another no to the pile from me too.

It really is the thin edge of the wedge! Next it will be £500 for car repairs, £200 for a new fridge and it will not stop. But nor will their holidays either, so essentially you are enabling them to go on more holidays. That £300 for your sister will come out if the next holiday, if you pay it, you’re also paying for their holiday. Just NO

If they dont get one or both suggest mum goes full time at work? Either way it isn't your responsibility. I managed fine through college living independently of family with a job around my course. This is college not uni.

'No, we cannot afford it.
You'll still be able to claim child benefit for her till she's 19 - so use that for her bus pass & equipment costs, plus she can get a job like I had to over the summer. '

This is a bit mean of them to ask - and they are probably hoping that emotional blackmail/making you feel guilty, etc. is going to work.

Your first priority is to your own family - and, as you've explained, you don't exactly have that much money lying around to give them. If they take that many holidays then now is the time they have to put your sister first and cut back on them.

I have a 17 year old daughter at college. There's not a lot of extra equipment to buy other than a few books (and you can get those 2nd hand online) - unless she's chosen to do a subject that needs equipment such as hairdressing, etc. Also they'll be getting child benefit which will cover most of the travel costs.

Finally your sister can get a Saturday job - which will give her a bit of extra money of her own - which is what my daughter has done.

It is your parents responsibility to pay for your sister to attend college, not yours. However your sister can't help having crap parents either. Could you help/encourage her to look for/find part-time job? She needs to tell your parents she wants her child benefit for herself to pay towards bus pass. I would offer your sister a one off specific item eg laptop. It is very sad because your sisters whole future could be at stake, but it is definitely not your responsibility. At 16 she is still a kid and will be comparing her situation to her friends.