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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell these women to buzz off

239 replies

Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 21:24

My partner (who I’ve been with for just under a year, but have known through work for quite a few years) is part of a group on Facebook/Twitter/instagram where they all have the same type of Labrador cross dog. Quite a few of them have dogs from the same litter- he has known these women longer than he has known me. They have meet-ups where they walk the dogs together- these are often hours away from where we live as they are all spread out across the uk. They are having one next month that my partner had taken the day off work to go to. However I have a medical appointment on the same day that my partner wants to come with me (I have a chronic health condition and am slightly hard of hearing so he wants to be there for support) so he has told the group that he can’t go. They are really upset that he’s not going and are saying that I’m taking him away from his friends and that they’re all travelling for hours (one woman is driving for 10 and a half hours for this walk) and that I could easily change an appointment. They feel that I’m jealous of the bond that they all have and that I’m splitting up their ‘family’ with the dogs. I am absolutely stunned by their reaction and think it is really odd. AIBU or should I encourage him to go? I’m really confused by all of this

OP posts:
Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 21:25

Sorry, I’ve just seen how long my post is!

OP posts:
Asdfghjklll · 11/05/2019 21:28

That is WEIRD. You should not change your appointment.

IceRebel · 11/05/2019 21:28

Firstly have you ever been on these walks?

If not then I would be suspicious of what your husband is saying about you and your relationship, when he is with these people. The old adage where there's smoke there's fire spring to mind.

1MillionSelfiesTakenByMyKids · 11/05/2019 21:28

He's a grown up who has made the grown up decision to support his partner.

They're fucking weird. Don't encourage him to change his plans and go see these weird and selfish women when he's made a kind and caring decision autonomously.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 11/05/2019 21:29

I think thy should save up and buy themselves lives.

OutInTheCountry · 11/05/2019 21:30

Sounds a bit odd to me but it’s obviously important to them. Could you change the appointment? If you can then it would be nice to do but if not then they should get over it or rearrange the walk.
Though TBH I’d be less likely to rearrange now that they’ve been weird about it but depends on how much your partner wants to go.

billy1966 · 11/05/2019 21:30

You are not wrong, they are very, very odd. It really is best not to try and fathom strange people, just motor on.
Best of luck.

Overprotective007 · 11/05/2019 21:30

I don't really relate to dog people.

If your DP is cool with missing it, then ignore the crazy dog people.

Snowfalling · 11/05/2019 21:30

Your dp needs to tell them to buzz off. They're not friends if they want him to leave you and join them on their walk. He needs to set boundaries here. Tbh his 'friends' sound strange.

Willow2017 · 11/05/2019 21:32

Your dp should tell them to grow the fuck up and your health comes before a scoffing dog walk.

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 21:33

@IceRebel thank you for your reply! No I’ve never been on any of these walks, I work full time (the majority of these women don’t work) and don’t want to take any time off work for them plus my hearing impairment makes it hard for me to socialise in groups. I have seen the Facebook chat of the group my partner doesn’t really discuss me- he has just ignored this conversation and not entered into anything about me. I trust him completely though. I do feel slightly uncomfortable though as these women have made rude comments about me before.

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 11/05/2019 21:35

Omg 3 times I stopped sodding auto correct and it still comes up 'scoffing' i meant sodding

AfterSchoolWorry · 11/05/2019 21:37

They are really upset that he’s not going and are saying that I’m taking him away from his friends and that they’re all travelling for hours (one woman is driving for 10 and a half hours for this walk) and that I could easily change an appointment. They feel that I’m jealous of the bond that they all have and that I’m splitting up their ‘family’ with the dogs

Who told you this?

Him?

I wouldn't believe a word of it. Sounds like he's trying to make you jealous.

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 21:37

@willow2017 thank you for your reply. The thing is though for them it is more than a dog walk- they feel they have an amazing bond and that I could not understand because I don’t dedicate as much effort to my dog

OP posts:
wildcherries · 11/05/2019 21:38

That's way too OTT of the women. They need to get a serious grip. If your DP goes back on his promise to you (and his own intention to go with you as support), because they're in a strop, then I'd think that very odd.

The fact that one woman is driving over ten hours for the meetup isn't really yours or your DP's problem. That's her choice. They seem too invested in your DP's attendance. Friends would understand that he wants to support you.

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 21:39

@Afterschoolworry no I saw it on their group chat, he always leaves it on as they post loads of photos of dogs that I sometimes look at

OP posts:
dreichuplands · 11/05/2019 21:39

I would not get involved at all. Your DP has made the sensible decision to support his DP rather than go on a dog walk. Assuming that you havent pushed him into doing this and it is a choice he has made as an adult of his own free will I would just ignore them.
This says more about their lives than you or your DP.

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 21:41

@wildcherries the woman that is driving over 10 hours has the dog that is the mother of my partners dog- she refers to herself as ‘the mummy of his girl’- I do find that quite uncomfortable

OP posts:
IceRebel · 11/05/2019 21:42

these women have made rude comments about me before

Why would they feel the need to make rude comments given they've never even met you? Your partner may not be saying anything obvious on the group chat, but for a group of women to get such an opinion on you in such a short space of time (only a year) makes no sense. Unless they have been led to think these things because of what he is saying.

wildcherries · 11/05/2019 21:42

Yeah, that's pretty weird to me too. Overinvested. I hope he sticks to his original decision. Good look with your appointment.

wildcherries · 11/05/2019 21:43

*luck, sorry

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 21:44

@IceRebel one of the women (she lives about an hour away from us) has been to our house. I tried to be friendly towards her and made a chocolate cake for her and her children but she just glared at me the whole time.

OP posts:
ClariceBeansUncle · 11/05/2019 21:46

Is he the only male in the group? Sounds like they are being oddly proprietorial over him for some reason?

dreichuplands · 11/05/2019 21:47

Is your bloke the only one in the group OP?

Celebelly · 11/05/2019 21:48

Hold on, why is he still part of this group? They have an 'amazing bond' but they've been rude about you and treated you like crap? Must be bloody amazing if he accepts his partner being spoken about like that...