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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell these women to buzz off

239 replies

Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 21:24

My partner (who I’ve been with for just under a year, but have known through work for quite a few years) is part of a group on Facebook/Twitter/instagram where they all have the same type of Labrador cross dog. Quite a few of them have dogs from the same litter- he has known these women longer than he has known me. They have meet-ups where they walk the dogs together- these are often hours away from where we live as they are all spread out across the uk. They are having one next month that my partner had taken the day off work to go to. However I have a medical appointment on the same day that my partner wants to come with me (I have a chronic health condition and am slightly hard of hearing so he wants to be there for support) so he has told the group that he can’t go. They are really upset that he’s not going and are saying that I’m taking him away from his friends and that they’re all travelling for hours (one woman is driving for 10 and a half hours for this walk) and that I could easily change an appointment. They feel that I’m jealous of the bond that they all have and that I’m splitting up their ‘family’ with the dogs. I am absolutely stunned by their reaction and think it is really odd. AIBU or should I encourage him to go? I’m really confused by all of this

OP posts:
BettyJune07 · 11/05/2019 22:10

Pardon my language but what a bunch of fucking weirdos. Dogs dont recognise each other as family past the age of about 7 months, which is why you end up having dogs mate with their mothers etc. When a bitch is in season the Male will go for anything.

I love my labrador, and thought I could be slightly mental about it... but I feel completely normal now! High 5 to your DP for cancelling and coming to support you, I hope it all goes well. Flowers

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 22:10

@AlexaAmbidextra they are meeting in Somerset (we live in East Sussex) and she lives in the highlands in Scotland- I think it’s 10 and a half hours- she has to get a ferry and then drive for hours- so I do get that she goes to a tremendous amount of effort

OP posts:
BettyJune07 · 11/05/2019 22:11

P.S I mean weirdos by their comments about you trying to break up their dog family. Nothing wrong with dog walking groups, but that's just beyond!

IceIceCoffee · 11/05/2019 22:12

Seems to me that they all have enjoyed quite a bit of dogging together.

HappyRoots · 11/05/2019 22:13

" I know I am a huge dog person too but they feel I’m not because I work and do other things without my dog". "They’ve all had a bitch about me"

How do you know/who told you that they say this? If it's your partner then why isn't he setting them straight?

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 22:14

@happyroots no I’ve seen their group chat and that’s just what they say because I’m not encouraging him to go on the walk

OP posts:
bumblenbean · 11/05/2019 22:15

Sounds like jealousy, pure and simple. They also sounds incredibly childish. If they don’t want to be welcoming to you that’s up to them, but tbh I’d be pretty miffed your DP hasn’t told them to wind their necks in. They may have known him longer than you but you are presumably a very important part of his life and if I was him I would be asking that they either respect that or back away completely.

I think you need to tell him exactly how you feel and take it from there.

BumbleBeee69 · 11/05/2019 22:15

Why is your DH not telling these women to STOP bitching about his DW ????? wtf Hmm

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 22:16

@HappyRoots I have asked him if he’d ever say anything to them about these things and he says it’s best to avoid confrontation and that his dog loves to see the other dogs so he doesn’t want to cause an argument

OP posts:
Frouby · 11/05/2019 22:16

She needs to get a life.

If my dogs breeder was this invested in MY dog I would be running a mile. It's not normal. Does she drag her dog all that way as well? I wouldn't travel any animal 10 hours unless it was necessary or the alternative was worse for the dog.

Your dh absolutely needs to tell them to fuck off. All of them. Bloody weirdos.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 11/05/2019 22:16

They sound unpleasant and nuts. Quite rightly your DH is prioritising your appointment but he needs to tell this bunch of harpies to back right off. They do not have a right to his time and company, doesn’t matter if they’re coming from bloody Shetland!

welliesarefuntowear · 11/05/2019 22:17

Hi, I can't relate to these dog people at all. I have a cat. Yanbu. Of course your appointment is important. What I can relate to is your issue of being hard of hearing. Is there potentially a resolution to this? I have a condition called otosclerosis and have recently had a stapedectomy which has changed my life. Good luck with your appointment. I hope you get some resolution to your hearing loss.

KOKOtiltomorrow · 11/05/2019 22:17

I LOVE dogs (And all animals) but this is just beyond weird! It would be different if they said....hey, we all met through the dogs but found out we all got on great and like to catch up once a year to socialise and get pissed together .....but this doggy family stuff is bizarre. I imagine the dogs looking at each other thinking "who the fuck are you?"

gamerchick · 11/05/2019 22:17

They sound weirdly territorial of your bloke Hmm

What has he said about it all?

You know what though? My husband wouldn't tolerate any of this crap from anybody. I'd be wondering what he had been saying as well. People tend to know loyalty to partners and adjust their comments accordingly if not their thoughts.

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 22:20

@gamerchick they are very territorial of my partner- he spent a lot more time on Facebook before we were together and I think they miss him

OP posts:
KnittingSister · 11/05/2019 22:21

I'm concerned about the dog travelling for 10 hours - that's cruelty! How long is the walk to make it worth a 24 hour round trip??

WorraLiberty · 11/05/2019 22:21

They feel that I’m jealous of the bond that they all have and that I’m splitting up their ‘family’ with the dogs. I am absolutely stunned by their reaction and think it is really odd.

What? Due to a one-off missing of meeting up with them? Confused

Or have there been other times he's not been able to meet them?

If not, I'm pretty stunned too. It's just plain weird.

InTheEndgameNow · 11/05/2019 22:22

Sounds like they've all got a thing for him.

Walkaround · 11/05/2019 22:22

They're all fruitcakes.

Rabbitmug · 11/05/2019 22:23

Nuts and I love a good dog walk..

BollocksToBrexit · 11/05/2019 22:23

Is this in the UK? Where can you drive to that takes 10.5 hours? That’s almost Lands End to John O’Groats.

1 junction on the M6, in my experience.

Discogarden · 11/05/2019 22:24

Who the fuck drives for 10 hours with a dog, walks the dog then fucks off home again? What do they do on this 'walk'? Is it literally just a stroll around a field or do they go for a pub lunch/ whole day thing?

kirstywursty012 · 11/05/2019 22:25

Eurgh.... dog people! Grin

It sounds like your husband is on your side at least!

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 22:25

@welliesarefuntowear thank you so much for your lovely reply! I wear a hearing aid and I can hear and live normally with it in- I just sometimes like a break from it. I also work as a receptionist so I get quite tired from communicating all day as I do still have to focus a lot on hearing people correctly so I don’t socialise with people too much outside of work. The appointment isn’t actually for my hearing- it’s for my kidneys which makes me more anxious

OP posts:
Kisskiss · 11/05/2019 22:26

They are not being very understanding are they? Talk about total lack of empathy for others’ medical situations.

Luckily your partner has already decided ( and rightly so) that you are more important than the lot of them and is going with you for the appointment, tbh I would just take the high ground and not say anything at all about them to him, it’s not worth it.