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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell these women to buzz off

239 replies

Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 21:24

My partner (who I’ve been with for just under a year, but have known through work for quite a few years) is part of a group on Facebook/Twitter/instagram where they all have the same type of Labrador cross dog. Quite a few of them have dogs from the same litter- he has known these women longer than he has known me. They have meet-ups where they walk the dogs together- these are often hours away from where we live as they are all spread out across the uk. They are having one next month that my partner had taken the day off work to go to. However I have a medical appointment on the same day that my partner wants to come with me (I have a chronic health condition and am slightly hard of hearing so he wants to be there for support) so he has told the group that he can’t go. They are really upset that he’s not going and are saying that I’m taking him away from his friends and that they’re all travelling for hours (one woman is driving for 10 and a half hours for this walk) and that I could easily change an appointment. They feel that I’m jealous of the bond that they all have and that I’m splitting up their ‘family’ with the dogs. I am absolutely stunned by their reaction and think it is really odd. AIBU or should I encourage him to go? I’m really confused by all of this

OP posts:
Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 21:48

@OutInTheCountry thank you for your reply- I considered changing my appointment so that he could go but it’s an important appointment and I know it might sound selfish but I feel like I need to be put before these women on this occasion- I realise that this might be selfish of me

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 11/05/2019 21:49

I would be suspicious of what your husband is saying about you and your relationship, when he is with these people. The old adage where there's smoke there's fire spring to mind.

Why? He's agreed to take the OP to her appointment. He's a grown up with free choice, and has given no indication that he has a problem with that. They sound like a bunch of jealous witches who think 'he is their man'. Some women are like this. Don't blame him!

Celebelly · 11/05/2019 21:49

Also I'm a huge dog person, but driving 10.5 hours to go on a walk is batshit IMO. And probably not much fun for the dog either.

blaaake · 11/05/2019 21:51

I know it might sound selfish but I feel like I need to be put before these women on this occasion- I realise that this might be selfish of me

It's not selfish at all! These women sound, quite frankly, weird.

domton · 11/05/2019 21:51

10 hours to walk a dog?? Madness. All very odd.

Cherrysoup · 11/05/2019 21:52

It would be bonkers for him to go when you have an important appointment. Is these all women? I hate to say it, but any group of women will turn into a bitch fest, I’ve experienced it so many times at yards.

DarkDarkNight · 11/05/2019 21:53

They sound over-invested, and its more about the. Than the Dogs. Travelling 10.5 hours to walk a Dog is very strange, the poor Dog cooped up for that journey.

Of course you shouldn’t change your appointment. It’s not exactly a good reason for doing so, and you may have to wait ages for another appointment.

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 21:53

@cherrysoup yes it’s all women apart from him. This doesn’t bother me though- I trust him completely

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 11/05/2019 21:54

You need to go to the appointment, he (rightly) wants to go with you. It's literally no one else's business. Ignore them all.

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 21:55

@domton she drives all that way as she wants to see her dogs pups- she doesn’t work and just spends all her time with her dog

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Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 21:56

@celebelly I know I am a huge dog person too but they feel I’m not because I work and do other things without my dog

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thelastgoldeneagle · 11/05/2019 21:56

They sound bonkers. Dogs. Just because they have dogs from the same litter does not mean they have an amazing bond. Loons. I wouldn’t make any more effort to be hospitable to them.

MrsMozartMkII · 11/05/2019 21:58

They're barking(!) mad.

Go to your appointment.

If the group doesn't stop being idiots then your DP may well stop going to the walks.

dreichuplands · 11/05/2019 21:58

I wouldn't consider changing the appointment, it sounds like a very unhealthy group dynamic had developed.
I doubt anything untoward is happening but it does like like this group of women feel some sense of ownership towards your DP and are unhappy at your arrival.
Given your DP is making sensible choices I would stay out of it and let him sort it out. A little more distance from them sounds like a good thing all round.

BlueMerchant · 11/05/2019 21:59

They sound like a right bunch.
Your partner sounds like he's stirring things up.
I'd not give a damn what they said and I'd tell your partner you are not interested in the opinions a motley crew like them. If he is, that's up to him.
I'd be tempted to ask a friend if they could accompany me to my appointment.

stanski · 11/05/2019 21:59

I admittedly go to a yearly catchup with all my dog's brothers, sisters and mum. 7 of them currently. One sadly passed. Yes it would be a huge shame if not everyone could come, but no one would dare tell anyone they've been taken away by their partner or something. That's just bizarre.

recrudescence · 11/05/2019 21:59

I love dogs and love a good dog walk but this sounds cult membership. Get out early - it’ll only get messier.

GabsAlot · 11/05/2019 21:59

its walking a fucking dog v a serious health condition

tell them to fuck off-i mean he should

stanski · 11/05/2019 22:01

I do get the drive thing too. We are all spread out between London, Kent, Essex, Sussex and North of England and we all meet where the pups came from (park in their moms town) so most of us do drive a few hours

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 22:02

@stanski I completely understand meeting up with your dogs brothers and sisters- it is important to my partner too so I am supportive of it. It just makes me uncomfortable that they think they are his family

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Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 22:04

@GabsALot it has really upset me, I really do want to tell them where to go. They’ve all had a bitch about me and I have made it clear that I now don’t want to meet any more of these women

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Beautiful3 · 11/05/2019 22:07

They are batshit crazy! Go to your appointment. I'm glad your husband prioritized you over this dog walk event. They are so werid?!!

EncroachingLoaf · 11/05/2019 22:08

Sorry they've upset you op but don't waste your energy worrying what they think because they sound like a bunch of needy unhinged weirdos. Your DH would be well rid. Hopefully he'll realise that.

AlexaAmbidextra · 11/05/2019 22:08

Is this in the UK? Where can you drive to that takes 10.5 hours? That’s almost Lands End to John O’Groats.

billy1966 · 11/05/2019 22:10

They sound like a very bizarre bunch of bullying lunatics. I am not a dog person but have the utmost respect of people we whom consider their dog's, their dearest pets.
These people sound very strange though, massively over invested.
You sound lovely, and reasonable.
Mind yourself.