To want to tell these women to buzz off

[Brodiebirdy]

My partner (who I’ve been with for just under a year, but have known through work for quite a few years) is part of a group on Facebook/Twitter/instagram where they all have the same type of Labrador cross dog. Quite a few of them have dogs from the same litter- he has known these women longer than he has known me. They have meet-ups where they walk the dogs together- these are often hours away from where we live as they are all spread out across the uk. They are having one next month that my partner had taken the day off work to go to. However I have a medical appointment on the same day that my partner wants to come with me (I have a chronic health condition and am slightly hard of hearing so he wants to be there for support) so he has told the group that he can’t go. They are really upset that he’s not going and are saying that I’m taking him away from his friends and that they’re all travelling for hours (one woman is driving for 10 and a half hours for this walk) and that I could easily change an appointment. They feel that I’m jealous of the bond that they all have and that I’m splitting up their ‘family’ with the dogs. I am absolutely stunned by their reaction and think it is really odd. AIBU or should I encourage him to go? I’m really confused by all of this

oh look who it isnt

ignore reanimiated always has to come on and stick the boot in

I think they sound like the type of doggy women who really and truly believe that their dogs are equivalent to human children and are more obsessed with their dogs than most people are with their actual human children. They haven't met up in a year. And thus, as far as they are concerned you are preventing your husband from attending an event on a par with the wedding of one of his siblings, for example.
Fucking bonkers.
They will always be like that.
For a quick end to the matter, attend the next meeting you can, and utter the phrase "I don't get it, sure they're only dogs" and watch all their heads simultaneously explode.

It seems a heck of a lot of time and energy to make these doggy dates work.

How long has he had the dog?

Personally I'd think it's probably not worth saying anything. He's put you first when it matters.
I've no doubt the longer you are together the more he'll end up letting this friendship group drift. Doing other things with his holidays putting, his priorities elsewhere will be the things that will make it drift unless he actually makes a conscious decision to let it go.

It's not OK that he hasn't stood up for you. They wouldn't be still doing it now if he had put a stop to it the first time.

What an awful bunch of cunts. And your DP has no backbone. If this continues after your appointment, I'd give him an ultimatum - tell them that he finds the level of disrespect against his partner very off-putting and tasteless and that if it continues then he will separate from the group. If he does this, you'll stay. But if he doesn't do this, that you'll leave him. Because if he can't do a simple thing like stand up for you against some randoms online with a weird hobby, then what else won't be be capable of further down the line.

I'm a dog person and this is seriously weird. Two of my dogs are sisters and I am in touch with the couple who have their mother but only on social media in an occasional way - the dogs were all rescued together. My dad's dog was a pedigree and we never bothered about sibling meetings.

It's an unhealthy vibe from this little coterie and worth keeping an eye on their messages. While your partner has chosen to be with you in preference, he should tell them to shut the fuck up when they're badmouthing you.

Why does your partner make such an effort to maintain friendships with women who make rude comments about you? I find this strange. If a friend of mine made rude comments about my DH I would tell them to go fuck themselves and not bother hanging around with them again after that. My DH would do the same if the tables were turned.

They are ridiculous. And really sad 😂

This is utter madness. Are you sure it’s dogs and not dogging? I can’t think of any other explanation for them being willing to drive across the country

Seriously though, this is bonkers. Sounds like the “mummy” ( 🤢 ) has initiated this culture for some reason- I’ve never heard of anything like this.

fuck that shit, he should be telling them no more after saying you are being selfish for putting your health above their little dog walks, cunty bitches... id be saying no more after that and if he did well id really have to think hard about that

101/2 hours should think thats unfair on the dog who the hell drives so far for a dog walk?

Well I think that making new friends is great and finding mutual interests with people is always fun.

And I think that's lovely. Even though I personally would not drive 10 hours with a dog cooped up in a car... For a dog walk.

But their behaviour is unacceptable. I would've been annoyed if my DH didn't stand up for me... Which he prolly wouldn't in this situation. I find most men see these things differently than most women. He prolly doesn't think its a big deal.

It seems they don't like you because firstly you prolly don't seem as dedicated to your dog as they are... (I think they're a bit much) & secondly they most likely see you as encroaching in their territory.

Which is crazy. He's your husband. It's his job to be there for you!

I considered changing my appointment so that he could go but it’s an important appointment and I know it might sound selfish but I feel like I need to be put before these women on this occasion

Personally I think YABU. They only meet 4 times a year and you could easily change your appointment but want to stick it to his friends so have dug your heels in.

You are trying to weaken his bond with them, they are right about that. It does sound very selfish of you.

@TuftyBurn are you one of these women?

OP , your DP has already said he’s going. He’s not hiding the FB chat.
Perhaps he should reduce his outings with them to the closest ones.
These women sound unhealthy l’y obsessed

Anyone who thinks a dog (walk) takes precedence over a human's medical appointment is batshit.

They sound batshit crazy. I would think my DH odd for wanting to hang out with them at any time.

Change the appointment because the women want your partner there ? Don't be so silly. He is choosing to be with you and a hospital appointment trumps a fucking dog walk.

I am a dog person and this is a different level of crazy. Also it sounds like the think they are entitled to his time. Also why can't they meet up after the appointment? Maybe an evening walk.

No. Are you the op?

Name change fail there, @JenniferJareau?

Hi op, I think given that your DH had taken a day off work and already agreed to go and the others had all made plans around this, I think you should have tried to rearrange your appointment. Your DH has shown to you that he puts you first and I think you should return the same. It does depend on the type of appointment and how difficult it would be to rearrange it, there is usually a number to ring on your letter and a simple phone call could resolve all this. If however, when you ring they say they can’t offer another time (this happened to me once and I waited 6 months for another appointment although I think this was an error) then I would keep your appointment and maybe they can rearrange their meet up.

Off topic..... But i have not hear that expression for yonks, 'buzz off', love it!

Good lord. The most important thing here is your health. Comes first every time. Good luck with your appointment. Dogs don’t give a shit who they have a walk with. I feel sorry fo them , having such wired owners.

Weird not wired

These women are so close to their dogs that they’ve started mimicking them, they’re peeing on their territory too. It’s all a bit weird. I don’t think it’s just the dogs that want to mount each other, driving ten hours ? Blaming you for his no show ? Someone has designs on your partner.

You need to change your appointment, show up with him and mark your territory. At the very least send him with a big hickey on his neck.