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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell these women to buzz off

239 replies

Brodiebirdy · 11/05/2019 21:24

My partner (who I’ve been with for just under a year, but have known through work for quite a few years) is part of a group on Facebook/Twitter/instagram where they all have the same type of Labrador cross dog. Quite a few of them have dogs from the same litter- he has known these women longer than he has known me. They have meet-ups where they walk the dogs together- these are often hours away from where we live as they are all spread out across the uk. They are having one next month that my partner had taken the day off work to go to. However I have a medical appointment on the same day that my partner wants to come with me (I have a chronic health condition and am slightly hard of hearing so he wants to be there for support) so he has told the group that he can’t go. They are really upset that he’s not going and are saying that I’m taking him away from his friends and that they’re all travelling for hours (one woman is driving for 10 and a half hours for this walk) and that I could easily change an appointment. They feel that I’m jealous of the bond that they all have and that I’m splitting up their ‘family’ with the dogs. I am absolutely stunned by their reaction and think it is really odd. AIBU or should I encourage him to go? I’m really confused by all of this

OP posts:
Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 12/05/2019 22:21

@ReanimatedSGB these are married women I’m talking about who are expecting ‘my’ partner to put them and their dog walk before me. I have never objected to their friendship and have already said that I completely trust him, however one of these women has been rude to me in my own home and feels that I’m taking him away from them- I am not the clingy one here

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 12/05/2019 22:25

they sound unstable, and I wouldn't out anything past any of them, particularly the one that would drive 10 hours for a bloody dog walk. Hmm

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 12/05/2019 22:28

@LumpyPillow I wouldn’t exactly say he’s weird but he absolutely loves his dog. He has a high pressure job and works long hours so I think the fact that these women are always there on facebook gives him a bit of a break from reality when he is stressed so he can talk about the dog

OP posts:
FoxSquadKitten · 12/05/2019 22:35

I honestly don't get this idea that anyone's friends have to fawn over their latest shag, particularly if that person is uninterested in whatever the shared hobby is.

His latest shag? Nice 🙄 Op has been nothing but accommodating to these 'friends' and they have treated her like dirt. She doesn't object to his pre-existing nutters friends nor does she sound clingy or controlling. Have you even read the thread and are you one of the crazy ladies?

BumbleBeee69 · 12/05/2019 22:40

His latest shag? Nice 🙄 Op has been nothing but accommodating to these 'friends' and they have treated her like dirt. She doesn't object to his pre-existing nutters friends nor does she sound clingy or controlling. Have you even read the thread and are you one of the crazy ladies?

agreed

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 12/05/2019 22:56

This is just insane.

Firstly, if the dog is only 2, then these meet ups can't have been going for THAT long. The friendships can only be a couple of years, so hardly bonded since childhood.

Secondly, if it really is about the dogs and considering that the OP says most of these women don't work, then surely THEY could reschedule their walk (even writing that is bonkers).

Thirdly, if it HAS to go ahead on clash-with-Brodiebirdy-appointment day, then if they're all staying overnight then DP can surely see them after the appointment for dinner in the evening and possibly a quick meet up/walk the next morning (because, actually, dogs need letting out more than once a day! And particularly before a 10 hour journey home)

This is just mental!

PinkOboe · 12/05/2019 23:08

Unless their labradors are crossed with unicorns they need to gain some perspective

I wouldn’t give them another thought.

Tinkerbell456 · 13/05/2019 01:58

Blimey! I understand that they’re disappointed, but they’ll have each other won’t they? Your need of your husband is more important. It’s a bit sad that they don’t see that, but he obviously does. His priorities are right where they should be.

MulticolourMophead · 13/05/2019 08:43

Quite honestly, l feel this relationship is heading for the bin. Even after this latest poor behaviour the DP still hasn't called these people out on it.

I think he's enjoying it too much, having OP versus these ladies vying for his attention, as he probably sees it.

outvoid · 13/05/2019 08:49

Your DP should ditch them for being so bloody rude about you. Of course YANBU, your health conditions definitely come before DP’s weird dog meet up.

Ten hours to walk a bloody dog?!

GPatz · 13/05/2019 09:08

ReanimatedSGB

OP is not expecting to be 'fawned over'. What gave you that impression?

She also is not demanding that he give up his hobby or friends, but to just to stick up for her when they bitch about her and phone her up. That's entirely reasonable.

cuppycakey · 13/05/2019 09:18

There is something really odd about all this.

I wouldn't like it OP.

Does DP look like this?

To want to tell these women to buzz off
GirlcalledJack · 13/05/2019 09:22

Oh dear, clearly these women are unhinged! But your problem is your OH and his lack of boundaries.

It sounds a little like maybe he agrees with the witches and is letting them be the bad guys rather than tell you he would rather go on this magical walk but offered to go to the appointment with you as he felt he had to offer.

I can't understand why he hasn't done anything about the nastiness towards you. Dog family or no dog family my DH would not be hanging around with people that were that rude to me or had absolutely no concept of healthy boundaries.

The problem is absolutely with your OH and really I would be cooling the whole relationship until he showed me some positive steps to support me against these friends and put in some boundaries with them.

queenMab99 · 13/05/2019 09:57

I have a dog, my life revolves around him, he is my constant loyal companion, however I think these ladies are batshit. I am not surprised though because, the people I have met in dog training classes are mainly weird.

howlongcanausernamebebeforeits · 13/05/2019 11:31

These women are married and have relationships, so they know that relationships matter. I think it would be fair to say your partner has said some unfavourable things about you. They're animosity towards you is batshit and it screams of them having discussions about you or your relationship that you're unaware of.

howlongcanausernamebebeforeits · 13/05/2019 11:32

*Their

Langrish · 13/05/2019 11:34

I think the whole thing is a bit weird actually!

What does he want to do?

BumbleBeee69 · 13/05/2019 11:38

He sounds happy in his Harem of weirdo women tbh. Hmm

SushiTime · 13/05/2019 11:47

This dog group is so extra

StormTreader · 13/05/2019 11:59

Hang on, the dogs are 2?! I assumed they'd be 8 or 9 from how invested everyone is!

"they aim to meet up around 4 times a year (this is the only time the breeder leaves Scotland) but over the last year they've only met up once"

So they've only ever had...6 meetups? It's hardly childhood friends, is it?
I have to agree with everyone else - your husband has become "the man all the women naughtily flirt with away from their husbands" and the fact he hasn't firmly told them to knock off all the nonsense towards you speaks volumes - hes loving it.Plus, one of them PHONED YOU TO CHASTISE YOU? Who the hell do they think they are?

AryaStarkWolf · 13/05/2019 12:04

How do they know him longer than you if the dog is only 2? I thought you said you knew him for years before you started going out?

But I digress, they sound like a bunch of weirdos but I would be mostly annoyed with your DP who sounds spineless. He doesn't have your back at all, that's most in relationships imo

AryaStarkWolf · 13/05/2019 12:05

that's a must*

MyGastIsFlabbered · 13/05/2019 12:49

Was he single when he got the dog? I wonder if any of the women had designs on him and now you've come along and scuppered their plans?

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 13/05/2019 17:17

The dog isn't two, it's two in November. It's barely 18 months old atm. All very fishy...

Original poster
Brodiebirdy · 13/05/2019 17:54

@AyraStarkWolf I met him a few years ago through work but we had only ever said hello and didn’t work in the same department until last April

OP posts:
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