What is wrong with this?

[dayindayout]

Have 2 children 4 and 5 and don't drive.
We live aboout a 20 min walk to the town.

Have just e mailed DH and asked if he would mind getting some bulky items we have run out of on the way home as our shopping delivery is'nt due until Friday.
Also if he would go to the post office to pay some money into a savings account for me.

Also OUR 2 children I have just discovered have nits so need to lyclear their hair which is'nt the easiest thing to do when on past experience they moan and run off.
So asked if he would come straight home after shopping as he normally goes for a drink after work and gets in anytime between 6.30 and 8.

His reply

"Right,not only do you want me to go to the post office and now the shopping as well I have instuctions to come straight home,thanks"

Is it me?

What's so awful about asking him to pick up some family shopping as he has the car and how awful that he is asked to come straight home for a change to help with the childrens hair.

maybe he's had a bad day but you're not unreasonable to ask. they are his kids too!

Pesky husbands. [angrey]

I mean

But I am their mother as he always says,so naturally it is my job to look after the children and his to go to work and have a relaxing pint after work then come in when the children are just about ready for bed.

Then he is in for about 10 mins and says is'nt it time you 2 were in bed
ARGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

he's being a tosser. pub is not an automatic right -it's a treat.

yanbu.

I think he's unreasonable.

I have never understood this thing about going for a drink after work (well, unless someone is leaving or something). I mean, if you have a partner and family, surely you work, you go home? You have a FAMILY to spend time with them, don't you. DH never did it when he was working in an office nearby (now actually away 4 nights a week, leaves work at lunchtime on Fridazys to be home to collect ds from school.

So the answer to his reply is "That's right".

The pub should be a treat but he goes most nights after work and sees it as his time to unwind.

Worse still is when the children are driving me mad and I ring him to ask when he will be home for dinner he ethier turns his phone off or answers with the noisy pub in the background and keeps saying "I can't hear you,what do you want?"

What do I want,you live her ,your children are waiting to see you and I need a break.

I feel like his landlady.

YANBU- When do you clock off from looking after the kids do you get to go to the pub at night after a hard day?!

when do you get your time to unwind?

once he's home-do you decamp to the pub?

of course not. you need to do some serios talking to him.

Exactaly-I don't get to clock off at 5pm.

In fact I always struggle more between 6 and 8 when they have their mad 2 hours and resent the fact thsat he just strolls in when they are just about going to bed and I have done all the hard work alone yet again.

I have tries talking to him about this but he just says he earns the money and he does'nt mean to stay out but he gets talking and loses track of time.

I bet if I were to ring him about 6pm when he should be home his phone will be turned off.

I will try it later.

he earns the money?????a nd of course you make no contribution the household???

oh this kind of thing makes me furious!!!!

keep the kids up unbathed until he comes home and then tell him-it's your turn to do bath and bed and then go out.

you have got to start sticking up for yourself.

YANBU
He needs a reality check.
You say he always goes for a drink after work and doesn't get in until 6:30-8.Does he ever help around the house or with your dc's?
Ask him when you get to go for a drink after work and he has to do what you need to do.

he goes to the pub every night after work?
That is the oddest thing I have ever heard!

I'm sorry, is this the 1950s or something?? He comes home, pats children on head & says nighty night etc
You ring him to ask when he's going to be home for dinner? If DH had that attitude his dinner would be whatever he got from the chippy/made himself.

STRIKE SRIKE STRIKE!!!!

I have been putting up with this for so long it has become second nature.

I did wonder if I was being unreasonable and this is the norm.

I have often said to him can't you just be normal and come home like all the other fathers seem to do in the cul de sac near us ,you could set your clock to them.
His answer they are boring and who wants to be normal.

If I make a fuss when I ring him that just gives him an excuse to stay out longer,like last week I lost it a bit on the phone as the children were driving me mad and all I could hear on the phone was music in the background of the pub and him saying well if you going to talk to me like that you can f**k off,then he turned his phone off and got in at 10pm.

It's easier to keep quiet and get on with it and not make a fuss.

I must say he is good with the children they are adore him but I do all the hands on stuff he is the fun daddy ,me the moaning mummy.

He is 46 by the way so not a young father who has missed out on a social life in the past.

He has said he may have to go on a buisness trip to Moscow for 3 weeks in September,will I cope?

I will have to ,I am doing that now so won't be much different.

This is def not the norm.
My dp cooks and helps with both the housework,the dc's and their education.
Men who think that is boring should not get married or have dc's as obv not mature enough.
I'm with Iklboo-
STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE

Def not the norm. Dh is regarded as
'weird' by his workmates because he will not come to the pub for a drink. His answer is that he has to work with them, he does not have to socialise with them aswell. He would rather be here.

He does work hard, and therefore I do the bulk of childcare/household, but he is fab with the kids when he is here, and helps put them to bed, helps with ds's homework etc.

Time to have a chat with your h I think.

yanbu. He sounds liek a tosser tbh.

As soon as he gets in put your coat on and go to the pub. It will not kill him to put them to bed himself. See how he likes it!

dayindayout

He has said he may have to go on a buisness trip to Moscow for 3 weeks in September,will I cope? - The answer to this is easy.

Why what will be different to normal. Oh yes i won't have put up with you, not knowing if or when you are coming home, should i or should i not cook your dinner. Oh and i won't have your crap to clear up when you do come home.

I do find that when he is away on a buisness trip the children behave better and when he comes in and they are just reday for bed they get all excited again so tend to start playing up and DH gets them all excitable again after I have spent the last 2 hours getting them settled.

I can also relax when the children are in bed without worrying what time he will bein and in what state and mood.

I just don't know how to get through to him .

We have his sisters wedding to go to in August and will be a grand afair and he has e mailed her and said he will help out with the pick up from the airports for people coming from abroad and he won't be drinking much as in the past he has got out of order whilst staying at his parents and wants to make an effort.

What about making an effort for his family here?

He sounds like an utter twat.

How much is he drinking btw and is he driving too???

hmm

i would be slightly pissed off though if i had to do a full day at work, then do the shopping, then go to queue for hours in a post office then search for headlice lotion..and miss my pint!

at least youre in the comfort of your own home and not having to work..

I would find it very difficult if my DH went for a drink after work everyday instead of spending that time with his son.

I understand parents can say no to a request but for a drink? please.

P.S> Have not read the full thread, apologies in advance.