Husband Business trip Bangkok

[fred74]

My husband has insisted he needed to go on a work trip to Bangkok. From find my iPhone app I have found out he spent the first night in a go-go dancer/sex club. He left for a short period of time with drew £500 and returned. We have been married for 18 years and I feel absolutely disgusted by this. I am considering hiring a private detective to see what he gets up to. Any advice/thoughts greatly appreciated.

I don't think you need the private detective, he's not exactly covering his tracks

Do you really need more evidence?

I couldn’t stay with someone if I had pretty clear evidence that they had paid a prostitute for sex

If he is just sitting there being an old pervert I think with help I could possibly forgive. If he has engaged physically then for me I could not go back from that. I wondered if a detective with provide evidence either way?
Could other people forgive?

Did you have suspicions? Is that why you checked up on him via Find My iPhone?

I’m not sure you need a private detective, as you know what’s gone on here

Sorry OP

You don’t need £500 to sit and watch. Sorry

He has never been away before and has had ill health last year. I probably also was being a bit suspicious that is why i looked. To end a very long marriage (over half my life) I need to have no doubt in my mind he has been up to. But as you say the evidence does not look good.

The other option is to continue to monitor movements and cash withdrawals and see what happens?

Come on, I know it's very hard to take given the consequences, but you do know the truth of the matter really, don't you?

Sorry OP you know what has gone on here, as PP's have said you don't need £500 to just watch.

I do know to a certain extent. At the least he has sat and watched a sex show and spent a load of money on drink. However I do not know if more has gone on and I just think photographic evidence either way would help me make a decision about our future.

£500 is buying him a lot more than a show. I’m sorry OP.

How could you possibly get photographic evidence unless you can get hold of CCTV footage (if they even have any)?

£500 is an awful lot to spend on just watching and drinks - I think the likelihood is more happened.

But do I get someone to follow him for the next few nights and get photographic evidence that categorically proves it?

Why don't you call him and tell him what you know and see what he says?

Well you're not going to get "photographic evidence" are you? You already know what's gone on and I completely understand you must be feeling shocked, devastated and fearful of the future, but it's clear what's happened.

@fred74 sorry I hadn't realised he's still out there - how long is he there for?

He was ripped off.. Get tested at a GUM clinic, that might give you more proof. He sounds like a complete sleaze bag

I have searched and you can pay (not a lot) to have a detective follow and discretely film apparently it happens all the time.

Yes still there at "work" apparently haha!

You don’t need evidence to leave a bad marriage.

if you actually have the resources to get a detective on him in a foreign country and if you need to see the evidence for yourself....

but for me, £500 is enough, that bought him something you'd get divorced for I expect.

I thought about just literally going ballistic and showing my evidence for last night. But my sister said to see what he gets up on the other nights too.

I have no qualms about going to the strippers with my hubby or letting him go with friends but that money wasn't just for a dance IMO, that is way more than anyone would pay for a dance.

I actually think if you can afford it and this is the "proof" you want then go ahead. Otherwise it sounds like you will always struggle with the not knowing for sure. Yes it seems pretty obvious to the rest of us but it's your marriage so do what you have to do.