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Original poster

Husband Business trip Bangkok

273 replies

fred74 · 10/05/2019 12:27

My husband has insisted he needed to go on a work trip to Bangkok. From find my iPhone app I have found out he spent the first night in a go-go dancer/sex club. He left for a short period of time with drew £500 and returned. We have been married for 18 years and I feel absolutely disgusted by this. I am considering hiring a private detective to see what he gets up to. Any advice/thoughts greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Jazzybeats · 10/05/2019 15:19

It doesn’t look good op.

However just 1 thing - there is a possibility he has been scammed. There are instances of punters being hit with high bills just for entering a bar in some of the more dodgy establishments.

Is it usual for him to go to Bangkok for work?

Jemima232 · 10/05/2019 15:23

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jameswong · 10/05/2019 15:24

Fraxion are you for real? Obviously she should and could have/get the info from the husband. The point is to have work confirm he's on business or not. If HR say "he's on annual leave" then that's all the evidence she needs.

chocolateavocado99 · 10/05/2019 15:27

I have been to Bangkok on holiday, and I said to my friends when I came home: if you go to Bangkok you would never trust a man again. I think everyone cheats.

I live in Thailand (not Bangkok) and strongly disagree with this statement. Of course, people cheat. But just because you are in Thailand, doesn't mean you will pay for sex.
Most of my friends are married ...some to foreigners, some to locals... but most couples have the same level of commitment to their partners.as in the UK.

OP, he could have withdrawn the money to last more than one night. His colleagues could have suggested a place and he was obliged to go along.
Have you actually spoken to him? And do you trust him?

Hope it works out for you.

JuniFora · 10/05/2019 15:28

Phones don't always show an accurate location and there are lots of reasons he may have taken the money out. Instead of hiring a private detective or planning divorce on an assumption, wait til he gets back and talk to him. Don't make accusations, just talk.

You've been married to him long enough to know when he's lying so his reaction will tell you everything.

OKBobble · 10/05/2019 15:30

On the basis when we were in Thailand we could get a meal with drinks for 3 people for about £15 I think his £500 is not being spent watching, drinking or eating!!

Fraxion · 10/05/2019 16:02

Fraxion are you for real? Obviously she should and could have/get the info from the husband. The point is to have work confirm he's on business or not. If HR say "he's on annual leave" then that's all the evidence she needs.

Indeed I am. If someone has to use subterfuge to get information about their partner's business trip then there were issues in the relationship before he/she even left. The fact the OP's immediate reaction is to get a PI speaks volumes. Not sure I'm buying it.

Fraxion · 10/05/2019 16:04

On the basis when we were in Thailand we could get a meal with drinks for 3 people for about £15 I think his £500 is not being spent watching, drinking or eating!!

Yes you can eat and drink cheaply but you can also pay top dollar depending on your preferences.

DizzySue · 10/05/2019 16:06

You don't just 'look' for £500.

AryaStarkWolf · 10/05/2019 16:08

The fact that he got £500 in cash, to me, would suggest that whatever he's spending it on it needs to be cash so I think you can draw your own conclusions from that, does anyone just withdrew wads of cash like that anymore to pay for restaurants and bar bills etc?

Somersetlady · 10/05/2019 16:13

I often get a lump sum out when travelling long haul for work.

I would also spend that easily in the Far East.

I have been and watched one of these shows the same as I have been to the red light district and had bask cakes in amsterdam.

At no point have I ever paid for sex.

The fact you suspect is an issue in your relationship. The fact so many people who have never met your husband are willing to think the worst of him is a sad state of affairs for their own levels of trust.

Speak to him when he gets home. He may have £500 worth of receipts for client dinners!?

AryaStarkWolf · 10/05/2019 16:20

The fact you suspect is an issue in your relationship. The fact so many people who have never met your husband are willing to think the worst of him is a sad state of affairs for their own levels of trust.

It's not the fact that he withdrew money alone though, it's that he went to a lap dancing/sex club, left to withdraw a large sum of money and then returned, if that wouldn't make a person suspicious then I think maybe you're too trusting........

RSAcre · 10/05/2019 16:21

I thought about just literally going ballistic and showing my evidence for last night. But my sister said to see what he gets up on the other nights too.

Your sister isn't married to him - you are. So only YOU get to decide when the boundary has been crossed. For me it would be the lying ... but again, only YOU can assess your own trigger point.

Very sorry for the shock & disappointment he has caused you x

Drogosnextwife · 10/05/2019 16:24

I wouldn't be able to stop myself from telling him what I knew straight away but if you can OP, then do it. Wait and see what happens and while you are at it, start making arrangements to divorce him. You don't need a PI, you have proof.

lostelephant · 10/05/2019 16:50

I don't think making up an elaborate lie about a family emergency is necessary, a simple "Hi can I speak to (DH name) please?" without mentioning she's his wife would be enough to know whether it really is a work trip or annual leave.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 10/05/2019 17:59

isn’t £500 rather a lot even for what you think he’s using it for?

Not really; the sex providers have had a lot of practice and will "trade him up" for whatever the market will stand

Nor is there much point in engaging a "private detective"; in a city where even the police are involved in the endless scams you'd never find one you could trust. Ditto calling the hotel reception, who'll be very used to wives checking up and will refuse to give information - at least if they've got any sense, or unless massively bribed

Personally I'd go for checking the bank account, though if the £500's for several nights' "entertainment" even that may not be helpful

Littlechocola · 10/05/2019 18:07

What if he is in a hotel or restaurant next door? It’s possible!

Clockwatchers · 10/05/2019 18:35

Track my iPad in bangkok to a club? Multi use buildings- crowded buildings etc?

Withdrew £500- what is his daily overseas withdrawal allowance? I withdraw a lot all over Asia. In Thailand it is typically 20,000 BAHT which is less than £500. £200 is usually the max- less than £100 in Vietnam for example. Even though my Uk limit is much higher.

Somersetlady · 10/05/2019 18:39

@aryastarkwolf but we don’t know he was in a lap dancing club.

The bars and go go bars are side by side. Someone in the office could have booked serviced apartments above a bar.

If you travel abroad a lot for work that he paid for sex based on the fact find my iPhone had him near a go go bar in Bangkok and had cash on him then probably every traveller there for work could be accused of the same!

Guavaf1sh · 10/05/2019 18:46

The iphone map is all messed up in Asia with shops in the middle of the river and such. See what happens the other nights first

InspectorClouseauMNdivision · 10/05/2019 18:51

According to google £500 would buy him about 15 average prostitutes.
Find my Iphone is not 100% accurate.
Unless he has super libido, box of viagra and is dumb enough to go into a brothel, withdraw money which you can see and get on at it all night, there might actually be other explanations 🤷‍♀️

Capara · 10/05/2019 19:17

Is he a bit naive and gullible? There is a scam in some bars in Thailand where you think people (could be women flirting but not always) and then insist you pay the (inflated) bill for everyone.

Angelf1sh · 10/05/2019 19:36

Why are you asking if other people would forgive just looking? It doesn’t matter what other people would do, it’s whether YOU can forgive it that matters. Asking what other people would do makes it sound like you’re posting just to get other people to tell their stories of cheating partners.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 10/05/2019 19:36

I just did find my phone.

It said it was half way down the street.
It's 5inches from me.
They are notoriously inaccurate.

Also as far as I'm aware it's common practice to withdraw money and exchange the currency.
I always take way more than I need just incase of any emergency. £500 seems reasonable to me.
He can always change it back.

I'm not saying he's definitely innocent. But it seems like a hell of a jump to go straight to hanging, drawing and quartering the man.

JaneyJimplin · 10/05/2019 19:47

If you have the means to get a detective, I'd do it.

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