Husband Business trip Bangkok

[fred74]

My husband has insisted he needed to go on a work trip to Bangkok. From find my iPhone app I have found out he spent the first night in a go-go dancer/sex club. He left for a short period of time with drew £500 and returned. We have been married for 18 years and I feel absolutely disgusted by this. I am considering hiring a private detective to see what he gets up to. Any advice/thoughts greatly appreciated.

I feel as though paying for company isn't exactly innocent when you have a wife at home.

OP I'd be pretty upset too. I think hiring an investigator might be a bit too far at this stage. If the money has come out of an account that you have access to, I'd just text him and be like "woah, £500? What on earth are you buying out there? I hope that's all getting expensed back!"

Surely he can't expense a prostitute?

Hold your horses! He might have withdrawn £500 to see him through the next few days and not spent it all in that bar. FWIW, I have sat in bars like that in Patpong, Bangkok with other respectable people and done nothing but have a drink. It's a popular tourist destination with a flourishing market around it, there is even a police hut at the end. Yes you can pay for sex but you can also just have a drink with other tourists. Its regulated and totally legal.

Would I forgive? Yes if he's been dragged along to the club by business associates and felt obliged to comply because it's work, not if I thought he really wanted to look at nearly naked underage girls.But if you have been tracking his movements via his phone, presumably you already had reason to be suspicious of him.

@fred74 Fri 10-May-19 13:01:17
He has n't necessarily spent all the money in one night. Would people forgive if just looking?

Yes. Its the same as watching porn or tv shows/films with barely dressed people all over it.

Which ever way you look at it - it’s blweghhhh...

And OP, it doesn’t really matter if MN would forgive or not for looking, it’s YOUR decision. Could YOU live with it?

I've got a single mate who does go there from time to time on bizz he tells me that most anywhere there has scantliy clad girls serviing and hostessing if that be the right word it seems its difficult to get away from it.

However he says that there is sex everywhere it's very "in your face" if you want it that is, but he says and I have no reason to disbelive him, that he dosent bother with it. However it does seem that you can get through the loot very quickly there even if you don't engage a girl and oddley enough theri services are quite cheap on the scale of things so taking out 500 quid may not be that out of order.

@Daenerys77 I assumed it was because she saw the money had been taken out so checked where he was.

When I was in Bangkok 20 years ago the restaurants were full of businessmen paying young Thai girls for their company. It was so blatant and made me feel very uneasy.

The fact he's taken out £500 and returned to the club does not look good at all. I don't think I could wait to see what else he might do. I'd have to send him a text along the lines of "I know what you are doing/where you've been" and see what he comes back with.

Why dont you ask him?

Oh dear OP - this must be devastating for you. Remember we are talking Bangkok here - for that sort of money, you could get a more than a lap dance! I would also be questioning what he was watching - it won't be students working to pay for law/medical degrees as is claimed in many UK strip clubs - most likely under age and/or very young rural women coerced into it so they can send money back to their very poor families.
There is no doubt in my mind this would be a deal breaker for me but for your sake, I would rather see you pay money for "proof" so that you can leave the marriage as opposed to him stringing you bullshit, you feeling you have no proof and him getting away with his disgusting behaviour.

Unless he still had larger bills to pay (hotel or car hire etc) then £500 lasts ages in Bangkok. You could pay for sex with much much less, like £20-£30 so the £500 doesn’t really mean anything in itself. Re the GoGo bar, what area was it in? Some of them are sandwiches between great places for street food or even a 7-11. I’m normally quite quick on the LTB, but I don’t know that this is all proof beyond a reasonable doubt. I think you’d need more evidence before going apeshit. How long and what’s the area of the girly bar, does that £500 last him a while, etc etc

I have worked in Bankok for several weeks, over the various years and managed not to have sex with anyone, it is entirely possible.
Money to pay for a better located or better air conditioned hotel would have been one of my reasons to spend extra money.
The MN 'assumption' that men stray or are up to dodgy activities is sickening.

Don’t hire a detective. Chances are he/she will find your DH getting up to no good, then get paid more by him for giving you evidence that DH was not up to anything (even though he was).

Keep an eye on his whereabouts if you must. You know that he’ll come back and say it was nothing, minimise it, etc. But you know he’s crossed the line. He doesn’t respect you or your marriage. I wouldn’t be be able to carry on with it.

The ATMs charge over £5 a time in Thailand so it makes sense withdrawing as much as possible then leaving most in your hotel safe.

Keep your powder dry, see what else he does. Wouldn't bother with a PI though, what's done is done and you know it now.

Could you do your detective work here, instead? My husband could easily spend £500+ in an evening with clients from work. Genuine clients, that is! He would be expected to (for example) buy dinner and expensive wine for the table.

If my DH were in Thailand - I would want to know which business he was visiting and why. Could you have someone ring his company and find out if he is actually on work business? If he isn't and they tell you he is on annual leave, then I'm afraid you have your answer and thus, definitive proof.

what happened to innocent until proved guilty?

Me and my husband have managed to go in these places and not have sex, none of the men we were there with sneaked off and had sex.

OP, try not to jump to conclusions too quickly.

I disagree that it's forgivable if he's been "Dragged in" by colleagues.

Any man weak enough to "give in" to that...really thinks it's ok.

The original post reads: My husband has insisted he needed to go on a work trip to Bangkok

No-one is dragging him anywhere, he is actively pursuing this himself.

GreenFingers My post was in response to that of Daenerys77

I would track him on other nights and question when he gets home. May have just been going for drinks there.

@HennyPennyHorror mine too! I wasn't disagreeing with you

I’d hold fire too. Speak to him when he’s home, when is that?

He’s got find my iPhone enabled, he lifted £500 out of either a joint account or one he knows you have access too, wouldn’t he try to cover his tracks a bit more if he was off paying for sex?

But £500 in a night would be a very expensive night even in the top hotels!

Quite easily doable in a rooftop bar eg Vertigo and Moon Bar in the Banyan Tree. Having and drinks there is very expensive. Speaking from experience.