To think he could cook his own meals??

[ChelseaMumma]

DH has ibs and apparently I'm meant to be cooking to suit this.

We have four dc and I cook meals that I know they will mostly eat.

DH is 34 and perfectly capable of making his own food.

Last night I cooked macaroni cheese as eldest requested it. In bed DH had a go at me as he wasn't feeling great and I should know better than to cook food with cheese in. I told him I didn't force him to eat it and he could make his own food if he had a problem. He ignored that and carried on moaning.

I absolutely hate cooking anyway so aibu to think he could make his own dinner if he doesn't like what I cook?

Yes!

Do you do all the cooking?

Whether you’re unreasonable depends a bit on the split of jobs. I wouldn’t cook something for dinner that dh didn’t like/couldn’t eat but he would do exactly the same for me. Did he know in advance that you were doing macaroni cheese?

I think you're being a little unreasonable. If you're cooking anyway couldn't you just make his a slightly adapted version e.g. macaroni with tomato sauce.

For me it would be more annoying to have DH in the kitchen cooking his dinner while I'm trying to cook mine.

I think you should at least warn him in advance so he knows whether he needs to cook an alternate dinner. Or maybe he could be responsible for cooking for you all 3x per week and you cook the other 4x.

He is being unreasonable- it’s up to him to find out about food he can’t eat and get involved in meal planning. You are not his dietician!

Is he sure he has IBS and not lactose intolerance? He should keep a food diary.

@PurpleDaisies yes he knew.

I do all the cooking. There was other food in the freezer which he could have cooked as the oven was on. But instead he ate the macaroni no problem and moaned after.

He also had two sandwiches and a bread roll when he came home, bread is also a trigger which he shouldn't eat. Apparently I have to stop buying it so he stops eating it!

In that case, he was being unreasonable.
It sounds like you need a much fairer split of cooking duties.

I don't think that you're BU as you didn't force him to eat the macaroni. If he knows something is likely to worsen his IBS, he shouldn't be scoffing down plates of it!
However, if I was making a meal for my family, I personally would do my best to accommodate everyone's dietary restrictions/allergies/intolerances.(I say this as someone who loves cooking)
Can you take turns cooking so that your DH has more input and takes some of the meal planning burden? That way the responsibility isn't fully on you.

He can take over all the cooking and food shopping if the only way he’ll stick to a diet that’s suitable for his condition is to never have any triggers in the house.

He sounds lazy and an arse. I’d suggest he does his own cooking and food shop. Could you and kids eat before he gets?

If he's voluntarily helping himself to things he's not supposed to have like the bread, I wouldn't have any sympathy. And as for telling you not to buy it, I would assume you need basics like that for the kids!
If he was doing everything he could to help himself I'd be far more supportive

He’s not only expecting you to be his private chef, he’s making you responsible for his poor choices! I’d have no sympathy and make him buy and cook his own food with that attitude!

My partner has IBS , I cook and I accommodate to him - I changed my diet too and even my son has the same meals as us !

I'm sorry but your being VU! When my partner was diagnosed he very down / depressed about his IBS some days he couldn't even make it to the toilet!

I ask him when we're shopping what we should get for dinners and he says whatever I want. He gives me no input.

He won't cook either, occasionally he will put a pizza in the oven or microwave burgers but that's as far as it goes.

Totally off the point but if he has IBS and bread is a trigger, has he been tested for coeliac disease?

Did he ask you whether the macaroni CHEESE contained, er, cheese before eating it? He needs to take some responsibility for managing his condition.

That said, I wouldn’t have deliberately made a meal that I knew one member of the family shouldn’t couldn’t eat.

Why do you do all the cooking? Are you a SAHP or is it just that cooking is your job and something else is his?

*That said, I wouldn’t have deliberately made a meal that I knew one member of the family shouldn’t couldn’t eat.i

But he knew in advance that was what the meal was. He could have requested something else or cooked something easy in the oven.

how about you suggest he takes over all the cooking and meal planning and you add things that the DCs like?
That way you can be a bit more like @ToeSocks and everyone eats broadly similar things?

In exchange maybe you can take over responsibility for something he currently does but doesn't particularly enjoy?

TBH i think you're both being a tad U but not completely.

Why don't you alternate cooking or ask him to do the majority as you hate it and he complains? If he doesn't know how there are plenty of recipies on the net.

Sounds like he's struggling with his ibs but not taking the diet side seriously. Whether it's reasonable for you to cook him specific foods is down to how household chores are split - I've always cooked but work pt.

With ibs pasta isn't a great idea anyway.

Why are you doing all the cooking?

Fuck this shit.

Tell him to do his share of the chores.

I think YABU.

I would not cook a family meal that I knew one family member could not eat. DS has coeliac disease. He's old enough to cook for himself, but when he's at home I would not expect him to have to prepare a separate meal - I make sure we are having a GF meal that everyone can enjoy.

Regardless of who's cooking it seems very unfair to exclude one person because they have a health-imposed dietary restriction.

If you are going to cook, you may as well cook something he can eat. However, that will involve meal planning input from him. You could tell him that whilst you might be prepared to cook to suit him ( assuming he pulls his weight in other ways) but in order to do so he will have to provide meal ideas with simple recipes that everyone can eat.
Until then, he can cook for himself.
But maybe it's never been agreed that you will take over all the cooking and you've s somehow ended up with that role.In which case, now might be the time to get him to take on the cooking while you do something wide-ranging sounds like you've done your share.

Something else!

Rule in our house is any special requests are mentioned on a sunday before I do food shop. Dd is veggie, she is responsible for cooking her own meals unless I am doing something for ds which I can easily make veggie such as pizza, oven food or pasta. She is also responsible for keeping her veggie freezer stuff stocked up and letting me know if she is running out. She's 14 so if she can manage it so can an adult.

I am doing slimming world at the moment. If dh wanted something different to mine he would cook it. I might adapt mine to make it sw friendly, but I won't stand and cook 2 completely different meals. By the time I had done ds (5) a dinner at 4.30pm, a veggie version for dd, a sw meal for me and whatever dh wanted that wasn't sw I would have cooked 4 different meals.

It's a kitchen not a cafe! If you don't like what's on offer, make your own.

Honestly I need to read up on ibs and figure out recipes/meals that would be suitable. I admit I haven't as he hasn't taken ibs seriously. If he stopped stuffing bread down his throat knowing it triggers him I might've done earlier.

He has been tested for everything and all back fine, drs said it's ibs and change diet.

I will look up recipes today as we need to do shopping tonight.

It's tricky finding meals that my picky 5 year old and 34 year old would both eat!

My 11 & 13 year old sons are capable of cooking their own dinner if they don’t like what I am making (or if, as recently, both their dad and I were unable to cook).

We’ve changed to keto meals for all bar one person and I will put on “normal” pasta for them or a potato to go with what we’re having, but otherwise the menu plan is on the fridge, they know what’s coming up - and if they want something else they’re welcome (and able) to make it. Kitchen’s big enough to share:-)