To think he could cook his own meals??

[ChelseaMumma]

DH has ibs and apparently I'm meant to be cooking to suit this.

We have four dc and I cook meals that I know they will mostly eat.

DH is 34 and perfectly capable of making his own food.

Last night I cooked macaroni cheese as eldest requested it. In bed DH had a go at me as he wasn't feeling great and I should know better than to cook food with cheese in. I told him I didn't force him to eat it and he could make his own food if he had a problem. He ignored that and carried on moaning.

I absolutely hate cooking anyway so aibu to think he could make his own dinner if he doesn't like what I cook?

ffs

Wow

No agenda EKGEMS. Just an opinion like everyone else. So what if I'm in the minority? That means you can be rude and insulting? I've three kids, all with dietary needs, work as well. I've dietary needs. We cook for us all, no one is excluded. OP asked if she was being unreasonable not to cater for his IBS. I think yes. Since when did we all have to agree on AIBU?

Three of us in my household, all adults (even if we don't always act like it ) and all have different dietary needs. Dad has IBS and a few other things, Mum has high blood pressure, and I'm diabetic and have low tolerance for acidic foods, they make me sick. We manage, it might be sausages potatoes and greens for 3 nights. I also have a strong dislike of meat, too tough and chewy for me. Dad loves his mince and potatoes, I hate it. But he's the cook, I eat it and try to grumble too much (not easy ). As Mum says "You don't have to like, you just have to eat it" Besides, we have stuff I like too, and I have pizza with my brother once a week.
So OP go with "darling" hubby to the doctors and find out together what he CAN eat and if he doesn't like it well "you don't have to like, you just have to eat it". Or he can keep eating bread and cheese, put himself in hospital where he won't have a choice in dinner.

ChelseaMumma

The more you say the more your husband is sounding like an attention seeking teenager.

Even if ChelseaMumma cooked meals suitable for her DH he will still have the same problems as HE will not stop eating bread and cheese which HE knows will effect him.

The answer is not on the OP to stop buying food that the 4 other people in the house can eat, just because the other grown adult can not control himself.

My DH has diabetes Type 2 and although I give him a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner the fact that HE chooses not to exercise, still drink alcohol and eat things he shouldn't is not my problem I and the OP can do so much if out DH will not help themselves.

The OP wasn't about should she be furious with her DH for not taking care of his health. It was should she cater for his IBS. There are two different issues here and they are being mixed up.

No of course we don't must all agree but the burden of household meal prep/plan/cook shouldn't all fall on the OP it sounds like he wants to reserve the right to moan and complain without any guidance provided to her. BTW I have similar at my house picky eaters while I will eat far more spicy/exotic food so I have to cook and compromise every day when growing up my mother would say eat it or go hungry

Lol he is defo being unreasonable. We both cook here 50/50 so I don't mind adapting what I'm cooking and baring his needs in mind when I'm cooking. Similarly tho he wouldn't mind if I'd had something in mind for me and the kids and cooked it and left him to make his own.

No my OP was

so aibu to think he could make his own dinner if he doesn't like what I cook?

Not should I cater to his ibs.

One night I cooked something for everyone. He didn't complain or say anything until 3 hours after dinner. How am I meant to know cheese is triggering him when he eats it when he wants it?? I know bread is a trigger yet he had four slices and a bread roll after work. Plus whatever he had for lunch.

On other nights when I make something that me and kids want he quite happily gets a ready meal.

So last night as he ate his dinner without complaint I assumed it was fine.

YANBU. OH cooks 99% of his meals. We only have one child and he has no dietary needs but I rarely cook for him and I haven't for 3 years. He's welcome to have what we're having , but if he doesn't want it he can sort himself out. He's a grownup and there's plenty of food in the fridge/freezer.

'DH has ibs and apparently I'm meant to be cooking to suit this.
We have four dc and I cook meals that I know they will mostly eat.
DH is 34 and perfectly capable of making his own food.'

It isn't just about likes and dislikes. It's because of his IBS you think, as per your OP, that he should make his own food. That's what you said. Sure you talked about liking what you cooked but the first three lines of your OP are about cooking to suit his IBS. You're seriously pissed at him, and the two issues are being mixed up.

Do you like your husband at all, OP? You speak about him with complete contempt. Maybe you should divorce?

So how am I meant to cater for someone when they say something triggers them but eat it anyway?

You tell me @MariaNovella

Ignore her Chelsea, she clearly has issues herself and wants to take it out on strangers on the internet

Agree there @AryaStarkWolf

If your husband is eating foods like cheese and white bread, which will be clearly marked as 'foods to avoid' on the IBS advice sheet his doctor will have given him, he obviously is not taking his health/dietary issues very seriously. So why would he expect you to?

He's not facing up to this, and you're partners so maybe help him deal with it. If he's a dick and poisons himself at lunch then so be it - that's not on you.

Would you really be happier if he'd taken it all on board and handed you a diet sheet and said we need to cook this way? If he was more sensible with his diet would you be happy to cook IBS friendly meals?

I think the real issue is you hate cooking, and this is just adds extra work to something you already hate so you don't want to do it.

Well, tonight, plate his up, hold it, look him in the eyes and say you may not eat this if you are going to tell me it’s my fault you feel bad. I will put it straight into the bin instead . Do you want this meal or not?

I have an issue with him eating it then moaning after that he's in pain. I would and have cooked separate meals before.

Why don’t you just make meals in the evening that meet the whole family’s needs? It can’t be that difficult to compromise - it’s the way of the world.

Welcome, MariaNovella, to the twenty-first century, after time-travelling all the way from the 1950s. You might find things are done a little differently now, and women aren't expected to be there specifically to service men who can't be arsed to take responsibility for themselves.

Women who expect their husbands to support them financially as if they were living in the 1950s cannot also expect their husbands to fend for themselves as if their wives were out working. Cake, eat it?