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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he could cook his own meals??

203 replies

ChelseaMumma · 10/05/2019 06:53

DH has ibs and apparently I'm meant to be cooking to suit this.

We have four dc and I cook meals that I know they will mostly eat.

DH is 34 and perfectly capable of making his own food.

Last night I cooked macaroni cheese as eldest requested it. In bed DH had a go at me as he wasn't feeling great and I should know better than to cook food with cheese in. I told him I didn't force him to eat it and he could make his own food if he had a problem. He ignored that and carried on moaning.

I absolutely hate cooking anyway so aibu to think he could make his own dinner if he doesn't like what I cook?

OP posts:
Original poster
ChelseaMumma · 10/05/2019 09:45

Ok ok ok! Macaroni cheese last night was a one off. We haven't had it for ages and one of the kids requested it. He knew I was cooking it and could've picked something up while shopping for himself.

When I ask him for dinner ideas he just says don't know or no idea. That's not helpful. He won't eat salad/veggies. Baked potatoes are fine but HE PUTS CHEESE ON!!!

I know bread/cheese/broccoli are triggers for him so I normally avoid them. I can't not buy bread as the kids have sandwiches and toast. He needs self restraint!!

I don't like cooking but I accept it. He works really hard on a manual job so when he gets home he relaxes and is in bed by 8. I also volunteer at school 3 times a week or more so I'm not at home all the time.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChelseaMumma · 10/05/2019 09:46

Also when he is at work he buys sandwiches/rolls for lunch as it's convenient. I offered to make him a packed lunch the other day and he couldn't be bothered with it.

Why should I help him out when he can't be bothered??

OP posts:
Original poster
ChelseaMumma · 10/05/2019 09:48

*@Wheresthebeach
*
You're more worried about your child's picky eating than a medical condition?

I am when he is an adult and takes no responsibility for his medical condition

OP posts:
Wheresthebeach · 10/05/2019 09:54

OP you're clearly angry as hell at him.

PinkHeartLovesCake · 10/05/2019 09:59

Wouldn’t you be Wheresthebeach This man NEVER cooks yet has the cheek to moan op didn’t cook something suitable for his condition. Maybe if he cooked once in a while op wouldn’t be pissed off......

This is HIS condition and from what OP has said he has done nothing about it, if he isn’t caring for himself why should op? Op has 4 dc already she doesn’t need a grown arse sized man child too

frazzledasarock · 10/05/2019 10:00

Actually if my DP had IBS & coulldnt he bothered to help me menu plan or self regulate his own diet I wouldn’t bother either.

I had gestational diabetes and had it drastically change my diet, I managed to not eat sugars and carbs all by myself, I never expected DP to change shopping habits completely for him and the DC. We’d menu plan together and tried to ensure we had a healthy tasty meal plan for each week.

If the OP’s H is suffering he has nobody to blame but himself. What kind of idiot who can’t tolerate bread or cheese eats pizza or sandwiches regularly?
If he doesn’t care OP can hardly tie him up and force feed him a diet suitable for his needs he’s a grown ass man he needs it take responsibility for himself. Perhaps if he took the lead and suggested food and grocery shopped then OP could have a good idea what to make to suit everyone.

I’d be more worried about a picky young child rather than an idiotic adult.

ohfourfoxache · 10/05/2019 10:00

He sounds like a man child

Onecutefox · 10/05/2019 10:03

He isn't a child so can cook a meal to fit with his dietary needs. You have four children and he behaves like he is the 5th one with special needs. So selfish!

Onecutefox · 10/05/2019 10:05

OP, your DH sounds very entitled and that's very unattractive. I bet you start resenting him for this.

Ihatehashtags · 10/05/2019 10:07

He can take a flying leap! Tell him he can cook the meals for the family from now on.

Onecutefox · 10/05/2019 10:08

I gave him his plate and he said nothing

You shouldn't behave done it. If you cook something that's not suitable for his IBS don't offer it to him. He takes it - his fault. He doesn't want to help you - his fault.
Remind him hat he is an adult.

foreverhanging · 10/05/2019 10:08

I am with you op, stuffing down sandwiches and bread and then complaining about a meal made which was requested by dc. Tell him to do his own shit, or get him to do all the cooking.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 10/05/2019 10:08

He sounds like a big baby!

You probably need to sit down together, go through some IBS friendly recipes and meal plan together

Him putting cheese on everything then blaming you for a cheese reaction is ridiculous; no wonder you're annoyed.

He eats known triggers then blames you! I'd be cross too and I'd be telling him as much

Original poster
ChelseaMumma · 10/05/2019 10:09

Last week I cooked roast chicken with salad and new potatoes, he left the salad. He polished off the macaroni last night!

I'm more annoyed with him because he moaned at me. Apparently it would be rude to not eat it, but he was fine to not eat the salad I made the week before??

He is a man child. I have four dc - one is suicidal and in counselling which I take him to. One is special needs. And one who is a cling on and doesn't give me five minutes peace when I am home. So I don't have patience for him.

All I ask is for some input on family meals.

OP posts:
Annasgirl · 10/05/2019 10:11

I've had IBS for years. It is usually stress related rather than diet. Obviously some foods can trigger it, but over the 25 years that I have had it I managed to control it by

  1. Drinking way more water - warm or hot, never cold, this can trigger it
  1. Eating little and often especially when I have it
  1. Do not eat too much raw food,
  1. DO not eat apples (they are my trigger food for IBS, I think because I over ate them as a teen and young woman when I was trying to control my weight)
  1. Do not eat raw fruit after a meal - eat it before or wait 1-2 hours.
  1. I drink lots and lots of tea, black, but you could substitute with peppermint or camomile just to increase the hot drinks you have

BTW I tried all those exclusion diets etc when I was younger and none of them worked. It really is about managing stress and increasing your activity levels and then making sure you take in enough fluid.

Hope this helps.

If he has a gluten intolerance it is not IBS.

MariaNovella · 10/05/2019 10:13

If you are at home with the children, not working outside the home, and you do the shopping and cooking for the family, then, yes, you have a responsibility to cater to the health and nutrition requirements of your husband.

Annasgirl · 10/05/2019 10:14

Oh and if I was in yous shoes and DH needed a special diet (which he should not really for IBS, just smaller portions) he would have to cook his own. Really why should we be expected to manage our husbands diet? Have I time travelled back to the 1950's???

AryaStarkWolf · 10/05/2019 10:14

YANBU, not only does he want you to prepare his meals, he wants you to research his condition and tell him what he can and can't eat? Tell him to grow the fuck up and take some responsibility for himself, he's an adult not a child and you're not his mother

Annasgirl · 10/05/2019 10:15

And to the people saying as a SAHM you need to cater to your husbands needs, again, no you do not. You are at home to care for the children not the DH. Really people come on these boards and seem to think women who are SAHM are slaves - they are not. She manages the house, she manages the children including 2 with difficulties, she does not cater like a hotel.

MariaNovella · 10/05/2019 10:15

To be honest, OP, you do not come across as someone who is listening closely to your family’s needs and their individual wellbeing requirements.

AryaStarkWolf · 10/05/2019 10:16

If you are at home with the children, not working outside the home, and you do the shopping and cooking for the family, then, yes, you have a responsibility to cater to the health and nutrition requirements of your husband.

What she doesn't have a responsibility to do though is research his condition and pick out things he can and can't eat and then police him about it because he pretends he's incapable of doing that himself.

MariaNovella · 10/05/2019 10:17

You are at home to care for the children not the DH.

How selfish can you get? Another adult is meeting the OP’s financial needs. She needs to meet his care requirements in return. Otherwise she’s a nanny.

Annasgirl · 10/05/2019 10:18

That IBS diet does not work for everyone and it is up to your DH to find out what works for him and to stick to it himself.

And IBS is not a disease, it is a stress related illness, so it is not like he has diabetes or will go into anaphylactic shock like a peanut allergy.

Loyaultemelie · 10/05/2019 10:18

I sympathise with you both here, he needs to identify his triggers and look into what meals would suit. However until recently I did all the cooking and I have to make 3 or 4 different meals for 4. Dh carnivore, me vegetarian with ibs and migraine, dd2 migraines (so we can sometimes overlap as she can take or leave meat) and Dd1 sensory issues. Dh is currently in full control of everything including cooking as I have a broken knee and complications from it and doesn't always have time/cooking skills to avoid all my triggers so I have become adept at hobbling to the loo at the speed of light q

AryaStarkWolf · 10/05/2019 10:18

To be honest, OP, you do not come across as someone who is listening closely to your family’s needs and their individual wellbeing requirements.

You come across as someone who isn't listening to what the OP has posted, she specifically said she asks him what he wants and he says "whatever" so you think it's her job to be more interested in her DH condition than he is himself? The 1950's called and they want you back Maria

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