To think he could cook his own meals??

[ChelseaMumma]

DH has ibs and apparently I'm meant to be cooking to suit this.

We have four dc and I cook meals that I know they will mostly eat.

DH is 34 and perfectly capable of making his own food.

Last night I cooked macaroni cheese as eldest requested it. In bed DH had a go at me as he wasn't feeling great and I should know better than to cook food with cheese in. I told him I didn't force him to eat it and he could make his own food if he had a problem. He ignored that and carried on moaning.

I absolutely hate cooking anyway so aibu to think he could make his own dinner if he doesn't like what I cook?

Maria you talk complete shite.

pinkyredrose - you don’t want to face the truth

MariaNovella, stop trolling.

It’s very easy to accuse posters with a different perspective of “trolling”. It allows posters to not have to think about their own opinions.

But you are trolling Maria. It's not like OP is sitting on her bum whole day long while her DH is working really hard. She is on her feet from early morning and then it continues till late evening or maybe she is even up in the night because of very young children. A little bit of co-operation on her DH's behalf would help her immensely.

Both the OP and her DH need a far deeper understanding of his nutritional and health needs. They cannot address them until they have done the groundwork to address the issue. Currently each is trying to make the other responsible with very little understanding or sympathy. That’s a very poor way to conduct a relationship.

Maria - are you one of “those” posters with the spiteful anti- SAHM agenda?

My DH supports me financially, but Im fairly sure I’m not living in the 1950s.

It’s one thing having a DH who doesn’t cook for himself - I have one of those myself.

It’s quite another thing when the DH keeps changing the goalposts about what he can/ can’t eat and then uses this to guilt-trip the OP. It can be a form of subtle manipulation actually.

An awkward, mardy git is an awkward, mardy git whether it’s 1959 or 2019.

The DH and the OP are as bad as each other. They’ve got to stop passing the buck to address the problem together, if they ever want to eat together as a family happily. The question the OP needs to answer is whether or not she does want that...

Currently each is trying to make the other responsible
Erm well one of them has a medical condition and one doesn’t. Given neither is a child it’s pretty freaking obvious which one should be responsible? The other one can only support and help. Or are you suggesting she leaped on her dh and tore the bread from his hands?

If the OP is largely responsible for catering in the household, she absolutely shares responsibility for what her DH eats. And she ought to want to help him, if she loves him...

Be careful what you wish for, my DH does loads of cooking regardless of whether i have made a meal or not and deems my food a bit bland but seems to think he is a tv chef with minions unseen kitchen hands to put all the ingredients away, wash up and clear the kitchen afterwards

My 14yo has very specific things he will and will not eat,due to Aspergers.
He cooks most of his food himself. He lets me know if we need more stuff in.

That sounds good, EleanorLavish - you and your DS have reached a sensible compromise that works for you.

The more you post, OP, the more it seems the best thing for the whole family would be to get rid of the H. I bet he bullies the DC as well as you and that the one with MH issues would improve once this man is at a distance.

Wtf @ReanimatedSGB ???

YANBU, the world doesn’t revolve around him. I have every sympathy for his IBS troubles but you shouldn’t have to create meals to suit him when it’s potentially going to go uneaten by your DC. I agree, he should cook his own.

if they ever want to eat together as a family happily

DH doesn't cook. I am SAHM for now.
We hardly ever eat together but we are fine. He has no manners when chewing (eats with sounds which annoy me like hell) and I prefer to eat separately.

Yanbu op. Of course he can make this own meals.

I really wish I could see Maria's deleted posts.

They were very short and uneventful!

I should have added, that although my DS cooks/prepares his own food, it doesn’t mean he never eats with us.
He often cooks his food and times it so he can sit and eat with us.

I can't believe people think the OP is BU. Which part of this is unclear? - The dh cannot be arsed to take care of his medical issue and knowingly eats foods which trigger it, because he likes those foods, and yet when it's food his wife has cooked it's somehow her fault!

It's perfectly understandable that the OP is not really going out of her way to cook foods suitable for him, since he is clearly not bothered enough to even avoid things like pizza when he is perfectly able to do so.

When I had gallstones my whole family ate largely very low fat meals because I had to. When dh cooked, he cheerfully complied with this. I doubt he would have so cheerfully done so if he'd seen me go off and guzzle cheeseburgers and doughnuts. Which I didn't, because I took responsibility for dealing with my condition, because I'm a grown woman.

Women who expect their husbands to support them financially as if they were living in the 1950s cannot also expect their husbands to fend for themselves as if their wives were out working.

Meh worked for us. Made it a lot easier when I went back to work because he already had things he was responsible for..like cooking for himself.

Wow - I wouldn't dream of cooking something that my husband would be uncomfortable after eating! That's awful and inconsiderate.

You clearly missed the fact that OP's DH self sabotages and freely eats foods that triggers his ibs. Why should op make an effort in that case?

@Annasgirl IBS is not a disease, it is a stress related illness
This was the thinking in past years but more recently it has been shown to be a variety of causes, yes for some people it's stress, but for many it's a dietary intolerance to fermentable sugars (FODMAPs). There is a great deal of excellent research which backs this up and is supported by NICE. Many people dont understand their triggers, they think its X but actually ends up being Y.