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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler screaming for help WWYD

287 replies

freetone · 08/05/2019 10:05

Posting here for traffic. Just had the most heart wrenching experience of watching a small toddler screaming on the floor in the rain while her mother walked off. I stopped and watched from a distance to make sure the child was okay. The poor thing then proceeded to scream in my direction saying ‘help me please’. It was so hard not to go and pick the poor girl up. WWYD? My DD would not call out to strangers for help no matter what kind of tantrum was throwing. I’m worried for the child’s safety now! She was just screaming at her mum to pick her up and she was ignoring her. That’s all she wanted, it broke my heartSad

OP posts:
CaptainCabinets · 08/05/2019 10:06

Mind your business.

Sirzy · 08/05/2019 10:07

So child was tantruming and mum was ignoring it?

As a one off incident it wouldn’t seem out of the ordinary to me at all.

CaptainCabinets · 08/05/2019 10:09

Posted too soon. You saw a child having a tantrum and the Mum ignoring it. Toddler then screams for ‘help’ as she sees you looking. Toddlers can be very dramatic, manipulative little creatures.

TheFaerieQueene · 08/05/2019 10:09

God, I don’t know what I would do. It is so difficult when you only see a snap shot of someone’s life. I think I would have kept an eye on the child if the mother walked away, to ensure she returned for her.
I’m not sure the comment to MYOB is particularly helpful.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 08/05/2019 10:10

I have a toddler who likes to do this. She also tells strangers she doesn't know who I am so I look like a child abductor when I do actually pick her up. She is emotionally very intelligent and knows what buttons to press. As her mother, I know exactly when she is crying in real distress or just being a pain in the arse. I would assume this mother does too

usernameuser · 08/05/2019 10:10

'Help me please' because she wanted her mum to pick her up? Seems someone knows how to play her mum.

Original poster
freetone · 08/05/2019 10:10

I’m not really sure I can ignore a 2yo screaming at strangers for help. Not when this country is rife with abuse. The child was not tantruming, she was repeatedly asking to be picked up by her Mother. Nothing else. There was no ‘I don’t want to do this or that’. There was no pram/carrier etc

OP posts:
Sirzy · 08/05/2019 10:12

So she was tantruming because nobody would pick her up. Presumably the adult with her knew she was more than capable of working

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 08/05/2019 10:12

Sounds like she was tantrumming actually. I dare say mum had told her to walk and she wanted to be carried. This is a ridiculous post.

Mumofone1593 · 08/05/2019 10:13

My neice once sat in a puddle when I wouldn't pick her up then started screaming to anyone walking past I pushed her, she also ran in and told me daddy just hit her when he wasn't even in the house! Don't think about it, kid is fine, most children are like this at some point and I guess you are lucky your child never has been and you haven't had to witness a tantrum before.

44PumpLane · 08/05/2019 10:15

One of my twins would do this, I find myself having to justify myself to strangers sometimes and I'm fine with that because I know people are just concerned.

Although it does grow old.

In that situation you watch whilst trying to be discreet, a parent in control will still be able to see the child and will not allow them to be unsafe near a road or waterway for example.

Shitonthebloodything · 08/05/2019 10:15

You just witnessed a dramatic tantrum from a toddler wanting to be carried instead of walking.

bordellosboheme · 08/05/2019 10:16

Mum was probably exhausted. Child wouldn't walk. Mum finding it hard to keep picking up a heavy 2 year old that can walk when they feel like it. Been there got the T shirt....

Original poster
freetone · 08/05/2019 10:16

So when my neighbours children are screaming help me and crying their head off would I not report to SS? Why is it any different in public. In fact, it’s worse because we don’t know how the mother responds to the ‘tantrums’ behind closed doors. I never intervene but I am qualified in child psychology and that scream for help was something else. I would hate for someone to watch me and DD in public but I would also appreciate the concern for my child’s wellbeing. She however does not act like that as I don’t put her in a position where she’ll be upset. I live in a town where abuse statistics are very high so I have a right to be worried

OP posts:
HBStowe · 08/05/2019 10:16

I don’t think you can assume too much from one snapshot, but you were probably right to wait and be sure the mother did come back for her (which I imagine she did!).

It was just one moment - not enough to judge a parent on. Assuming the child was clothed, fed, not injured etc then by far the most likely explanation is that it was just a parent ignoring a tantrum.

I don’t think you’re wrong or unnatural to be concerned, but I also don’t think you have anything to really worry about from this situation.

mindutopia · 08/05/2019 10:17

Assuming the mum didn’t walk off and leave her out of sight and not come back, no need to intervene. I can’t tell you the number of times this has happened to me. I can’t physically carry my child and I would expect a 2 year old to be able to walk. But everyone has a bad day sometimes. It’s important to set healthy boundaries and sounds like that’s what she was doing. Physical abuse, yes, that would be different, but a child screaming and throwing themselves to the ground to be carried is a tantrum and probably does need to be ignored, unless the child is in the middle of the road or somewhere unsafe.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 08/05/2019 10:17

Ah. You're a child psychologist. Enough said.

Namelessinseattle · 08/05/2019 10:17

My fellas latest is “help me, rescue me” as he holds out his hand. I’m now imagining it happening in public- fantastic.

Original poster
freetone · 08/05/2019 10:17

Please notice that I am not ‘slagging off’ the mother’s parenting, I’m displaying concern for a small child’s wellbeing. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors from a one off incident but everyone isn’t automatically a saint!

OP posts:
KM99 · 08/05/2019 10:18

You can't do anything but assume based on one snapshot. Did you stick around (at a distance) to see what happened?

Sirzy · 08/05/2019 10:18

Heaven help our children if someone supposedly qualified in child psychology is saying they should never be left to tantrum!

There is a massive difference between regularly seeing concerning behaviour from a neighbouring household and seeing what still (no matter how much you are trying to dramatise it) sounds like nothing more than a toddler tantrum

User12879923378 · 08/05/2019 10:18

There wasn't a pram or a carrier because the mum knew that the toddler was capable of walking the distance they were going.

Toddler wanted to be held. Mum wanted to get to where they were going. Toddler refused to move and started screaming. What part of this is not a tantrum?

Every single one of my friends with a toddler has had the experience of having to walk away as if they were leaving because it was the only way they could get the toddler to move.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 08/05/2019 10:18

I don't put her in a position where she'll be upset
HAHAHAHAHA. How little you know toddlers

Original poster
freetone · 08/05/2019 10:19

I never said a child psychologist, I have child psychology qualifications. Maybe more children who are being abused would be saved if less people turned a blind eye to ‘normal’ behaviour

OP posts:
CaptainCabinets · 08/05/2019 10:19

Okay, so if you’re a perfect parent whose child never screams or acts up and you’re a qualified child psychologist, why are you canvassing MN for opinions when you are so obviously right? Smile