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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler screaming for help WWYD

287 replies

freetone · 08/05/2019 10:05

Posting here for traffic. Just had the most heart wrenching experience of watching a small toddler screaming on the floor in the rain while her mother walked off. I stopped and watched from a distance to make sure the child was okay. The poor thing then proceeded to scream in my direction saying ‘help me please’. It was so hard not to go and pick the poor girl up. WWYD? My DD would not call out to strangers for help no matter what kind of tantrum was throwing. I’m worried for the child’s safety now! She was just screaming at her mum to pick her up and she was ignoring her. That’s all she wanted, it broke my heartSad

OP posts:
Original poster
freetone · 08/05/2019 10:20

When my child wants to be picked up... I pick her up? That’s what parents do? I may have not slept for 3 weeks straight, I’d still pick my child up if she was crying for meConfused

OP posts:
KM99 · 08/05/2019 10:20

*She however does not act like that as I don’t put her in a position where she’ll be upset"

Really? Your DD has never had a meltdown in public?

Gigglinghysterically · 08/05/2019 10:20

The OP has made it clear "The child was not tantruming" so I'm going against the grain so far but I would air on the side of caution and go to the child. See what they said. Make my own judgement.

I presume even abused kids go out in public with their parents. What if this was the one who slipped through the net and turned out to be a 'Baby P'?

User12879923378 · 08/05/2019 10:21

You must be upsetting your child sometimes, OP, unless you just give her or do or let her do whatever she wants whenever she wants it.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 08/05/2019 10:21

Ok then. You have 'child psychology' qualifications. Even more worrying that you seem to be seeing abuse in a normal tantrum.

HBStowe · 08/05/2019 10:22

Who knows what goes on behind closed doors from a one off incident but everyone isn’t automatically a saint!

I don’t know what you want to hear, then? You’ve agreed that you can’t make an assumption from one moment, and you’ve stated you would never intervene. Most people have agreed that your approach of keeping an eye out but not actually getting yourself involved was right. Of course it’s a possibility that this is a situation where the mother is abusive, but you have no evidence of that and only a very flimsy basis for suspecting it. What are you hoping people on here will tell you?

Namelessinseattle · 08/05/2019 10:22

Didn’t see the update, would a 2 year old really be able to understand the concept of seeking help from a stranger from an abusive parent? I’d assume at that age the help is to be carried or give something. Or reach something as opposed to saving them.

roundligament · 08/05/2019 10:22

I thi ink I would tell her to be good for mummy and see how she reacts and the mum too.
My son can be a little shit. He told nursery that his dad my husband cut his wrist when it was one of his toys.
Also said a dog bit his eye Confused
He is a little liar. He doesn't speak to strangers about wanting help though. Even in the middle of a major tantrum.
The thing is you've asked what would you do but you're disagreeing with the suggestions
So did you let them pass you by? How would you locate them again?
I would have tried to make light of the situation. It is raining, it is the morning and the kid most likely didn't want to walk. The mum is probably knackered. There might or might not be anything more to it. But SS would be over kill unless you had any more grounds to doubt what was going on ..

mindutopia · 08/05/2019 10:22

The thing is you can’t be ‘worried about abuse’ without actually seeing any abuse, just an upset child who wanted something they can’t have. That’s a normal part of child development. A child who is ‘never allowed to get upset’ is a child that won’t develop much resilience or healthy emotional boundaries. Trust me, I had a mum like that. It took a lot of years to undo that. Even now it causes issues as she becomes distressed and anxious and at times quite volatile if I don’t give my dc everything they demand. It’s not healthy. It sounds like maybe this is more an issue you need to work through that about anyone else’s parenting.

Original poster
freetone · 08/05/2019 10:23

Well I hope the poor girl isn’t being abused. I don’t want to offend but it was in an area where there is a lot of drug dealing and crime. I just so happened to be taking a shortcut through there so it is highly likely there is something untoward going on if they came from that area. You weren’t there so you can’t really comment I’m afraid! I didn’t ask for opinions on how I feel about the situation. I was asking retrospectively what you would do in that kind of situation as I deeply regret not stepping in. We should always trust our instincts and I know I was right. The scream was not a normal toddler scream. I pray to god that she is okay

OP posts:
Nesssie · 08/05/2019 10:23

OP what do you want from this post? You asked for opinions, it was unanimous. You are slagging off her parenting. You are now blaming us for child abuse because we don't automatically think someone is abusing their child when it is having a tantrum? You didn't intervene at the time, you don't know them so can't follow up on it, so what do you want from this?

dinosbuddy · 08/05/2019 10:23

I don't think it's healthy to do literally everything a toddler demands. You're setting them up for failure later in life in all honesty.

nelsonmuntzslingshot · 08/05/2019 10:23

My eldest has always liked to scream "help me" since she was able to understand what it meant. She still does it when I'm just brushing her hair in the morning. Christ knows what the neighbours must think.

If you wanted to do anything maybe you should have just approached the mother and asked if everything was ok but be prepared for a mouthful back.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 08/05/2019 10:23

The amount of times a parent sets off to the corner shop (or wherever) with a buggy refusing toddler who then refuses to walk....

If you hear screaming from a house, you can’t see the child so you have no idea what’s going on? Here it’s quite clear what’s happening - the child wanted to be carried and the mother didn’t want to carry her.

Frouby · 08/05/2019 10:24

My niece would do this, she's very dramatic still at 5. Some kids are, even 2 year olds (especially 2 year olds).

If shes fit enough to scream for help and scan around and find someone who looks interested enough to watch, she's probably fine. Probably been told to walk, threw herself in the floor, found it colder and wetter than she realised but didn't want to get up because then she wont be able to get Mummy to pick her up, which is what she wanted.

Sirzy · 08/05/2019 10:24

So now your judging based on where they live too! Well aren’t you lovely.

Get back into your castle in the sky and stop being so judgemental of others

Nesssie · 08/05/2019 10:24

it is highly likely there is something untoward going on if they came from that area Annndddd you've tipped into crazy...

aposterhasnoname · 08/05/2019 10:24

My DD used to scream help me at strangers. She also often screamed “you’re not my mummy/daddy, please someone help me” very often. I’d taught her that what she should do if someone tried to make her do something or go somewhere she didn’t want to. Sadly I didn’t quite manage to get across that me taking her home from the park etc, didn’t count.

Wonderwoman98 · 08/05/2019 10:24

So what happened? Did the mother come back to fetch the child?

CaptainCabinets · 08/05/2019 10:25

Gosh, you must always be in the right place at the right time seeing as this is the second time this has happened in a matter of weeks, according to your posting history. Smile

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 08/05/2019 10:25

Well then if you 'know you were right' then you're a shit person for not stepping in. As you said, we can't comment as we weren't there.

roundligament · 08/05/2019 10:25

But retrospectively wouldn't protect the child if there was a safeguarding issue

You should pop in with humour and help to disperse the situation if you are concerned.
I often tell kids to behave or help them find their mum.
Normally the kid is being a shit.
I've not had any experience yet of seeing an abused child in the shops / road having a tantrum
Surely you would be more private if you were neglecting your child

Also, if you did care so much why on Earth you would let the kid go is beyond me

downcasteyes · 08/05/2019 10:26

God, I pity parents so much sometimes.

You have no idea what that mother was going through on that particular day. You have no idea what her life is like, or what she's dealing with. You cannot possibly be in a position to judge that walking away from a small child having a tantrum indicates any wider pattern of neglect or abuse. It might be suboptimal parenting in your eyes, but there is the most enormous chasm between that and abuse.

I'm sick of seeing women on here feeling guilty because they were tired and ill and did something one fucking time that wasn't totally well-judged.

IvanaPee · 08/05/2019 10:26

Bit of a pointless thread. That child could have been trafficked. Could have been a regular toddler being quite a little shit as toddlers are wont to do, for all you know.

Either way, You didn’t step in. Not even with your psychology qualification Hmm. It’s done.

Original poster
freetone · 08/05/2019 10:27

Apologies if the ‘child psychology qualifications’ came off as snarky. I’m trying to make the point that I know normal toddler behaviour and I ignore plenty of tantruming children in public. But this one stood out to me out of all the rest and I can’t get it out of my head. I know there’s nothing I could have done it’s just one of those things I guess

OP posts:
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