Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler screaming for help WWYD

287 replies

freetone · 08/05/2019 10:05

Posting here for traffic. Just had the most heart wrenching experience of watching a small toddler screaming on the floor in the rain while her mother walked off. I stopped and watched from a distance to make sure the child was okay. The poor thing then proceeded to scream in my direction saying ‘help me please’. It was so hard not to go and pick the poor girl up. WWYD? My DD would not call out to strangers for help no matter what kind of tantrum was throwing. I’m worried for the child’s safety now! She was just screaming at her mum to pick her up and she was ignoring her. That’s all she wanted, it broke my heartSad

OP posts:
DulcieRay · 08/05/2019 10:37

My children would eat you alive @freetone no offence
Some of them are very clever and good at playing on people's emotions

Also, the snobbery about the side of town? Please do check your privilege we can't all be from naice areas, doesn't mean we are doing anything untoward

drspouse · 08/05/2019 10:38

My DS says "help me daddy, put your wife in jail" when I'm brushing his teeth.
Unfortunately, he still has to brush his teeth.
(He's 7, has SEN, and actually mainly does OK with teeth brushing these days, just the odd occasion).

NunoGoncalves · 08/05/2019 10:39

Maybe because of your job you've become hypersensitive or something, OP? Like you work with such bad stuff that now you've started seeing it even in places where it doesn't exist?

"Her piercing screams keep echoing through my head I need some wine" is very dramatic!

There are plenty of reasons why the mother may not have picked her up. When my first son was 20 months I had abdominal surgery and wasn't allowed to pick him up for 6 weeks after. He'd often tantrum and demand me to carry him but I couldn't. Could be anything like that.

Mildmanneredmum · 08/05/2019 10:39

Once my DD (aged 2) opened her bedroom window - not wide enough to fall out - and shouted "help me, help me, I'm a prisoner" to passers-by. I don't know how we weren't reported for that.

CitadelsofScience · 08/05/2019 10:40

This was me as a child, it was also my daughter when she was little. And she did indeed scream at strangers for help but I can assure you she was perfectly fine and was just very angry that I wouldn't bow down to her every whim, she was and still can be a bit of a drama llama.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 08/05/2019 10:41

My then 5 year old once told a teacher 'my dad gets drunk and beats me up'. He'd never even seen anyone drunk before Shock

Planetian · 08/05/2019 10:41

You have qualifications in child psychology yet you believe children should never be allowed to feel upset? I would update the qualifications OP. Resilience is a big deal in child psychology right now.

I do understand your feelings though. Ever since having my children, I feel a physical ache when I see children in public crying and want to run over and make things better. I’m actually not an overly soft person at all really, but it’s like an instinct. You are right to be concerned about children’s welfare but like pps have said it’s just a snapshot. We weren’t there of course and it might have seemed worse than I’m imagining but it does sound like a typical toddler tantrum...

fluorescentorange · 08/05/2019 10:41

Not to make light of this at all, but I remember 22 years ago my DD was 3 and she had some birthday money. We were in super drug and she was trying to buy make up with her money, eventually, i scooped her up and walked out, she was under my arm screaming " I want my money" which to a passer by sounded like " I want my Mummy" so he stopped me and asked my DD if she was ok and if I was her mummy. My DD looked at him and said "Yes" like he had asked her some odd question!!!
I really can't see anyone doing that nowadays, as we are all told to MYOB on here.

In answer to your question OP, I would have gone over and asked her if she was ok and if she needed help getting up so she can catch her mummy up.

ittakes2 · 08/05/2019 10:43

There is a chance her mother could not pick her up - she might have a physical problem or a risky pregnancy.

Ragwort · 08/05/2019 10:45

I would never pick my child up ‘just because he wanted to be picked up’ Hmm? I am not a pack horse. Assuming no SN most toddlers are perfectly capable of walking. My friend used to carry her 6 year old ‘if he was tired’ .... I have to say he has grown up into a charming young man (despite being rather spoiled and over indulged in my opinion) so it hasn’t done any lasting damage but my friend clearly enjoyed being a martyr to parenthood.

FenellaMaxwell · 08/05/2019 10:45

You seem to be seeing this an awful lot lately, OP.... Hmm

truthisarevolutionaryact · 08/05/2019 10:47

Worth pointing out OP that your assumption she was being abused because "this was an area with a lot of drug dealing and crime" merely contributes to the myth that only certain types of "poor" children get abused.
Maybe you should add some actual safeguarding qualifications to your child psychology one?

Someoneonlyyouknow · 08/05/2019 10:47

I used to let my nephew go down a wet slide when I wanted him to come away from the park. Knowing that wet trousers would make him want to go home. I think, based on no professional qualifications, that an abusive mother might have been more likely to have grabbed the toddler and dragged her home? Isn't a 2 year old asking for help in their immediate situation? ie "Pick me up", "Give me chocolate" rather than "Rescue me from my neglectful, alcoholic mother"?

whifflesqueak · 08/05/2019 10:47

I lol’d at op needing wine at 10:30am.

I’d probably need a drink by breakfast too if I tended my toddler’s every ludicrous whim.

Yabbers · 08/05/2019 10:48

In fact, it’s worse because we don’t know how the mother responds to the ‘tantrums’ behind closed doors
We do know. She reacts the same way.

(Ps, this is slagging off the mother’s parenting skills)

Butt out. DD can sound horrific when she melts down. And very, very dramatic. “NO NO DADDY YOU’RE HURTING ME STOP!!,” as he approached the blister on her knee, before he even touched it.

LaMarschallin · 08/05/2019 10:48

"I am qualified in child psychology".
The only people who have the right to say that are those who've acquired a PhD in psychology and have specialised in dealing with children.
Your qualifications seem to have become less and less as the thread went on. Did you take a quiz in Cosmopolitan perhaps?

Redglitter · 08/05/2019 10:49

Gosh, you must always be in the right place at the right time seeing as this is the second time this has happened in a matter of weeks, according to your posting history

Whod have thought there were so many 2 year old girls around the place sitting in puddles/rain crying and being ignored by their Mums Hmm

FleurNancy · 08/05/2019 10:50

What is the point of this post? You say "I never intervene but I am qualified in child psychology and that scream for help was something else". You are the only one who heard that scream and made a judgement call based upon it and your judgement was not to get involved. What would I have done? Maybe said to the child something like "go on, mummy is waiting" but given that I wasn't there and couldn't assess the nature of this scream with my own ears it's impossible to say what I would have done. It also doesn't matter as the crux of of it is that YOU were the one there, YOU are the one with child psychology qualifications and YOU made the decision not to intervene and YOU can't do anything about it now.

user1495832265 · 08/05/2019 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KurriKurri · 08/05/2019 10:51

What was the outcome - did the mother return ? Obviously if she disappeared and didn't return then going to pick the child up would have been the right move, if Mum walked on a bit then either returned or toddler got up and ran after her then probably all was OK.
you just have to judge each situation on the circumstances.

I came across a very small child (2/3yrs) wandering about on busy high street - no mother in sight. So i took the child into the nearest shop which was a childrens wear shop where I guessed the Mum might be - and she was - looking at clothes hadn;t noticed child had wandered out of shop. She was pretty rude to me and said i shoudl mind my own business - but I was glad I intervened and would do so again - the child was in potential danger.

You can only do what you think is right at the time - and often you'll get a mouthful for interfering but better that than a child is harmed.

user1495832265 · 08/05/2019 10:51

Just refreshed thread and see that others remembered the mud post also. Will request my post is deleted.

Basecamp65 · 08/05/2019 10:52

You do know the vast majority of people who live in areas rife with crime and drugs do not abuse their children don't you?

Heck even the vast majority of people involved in crime and drugs do not abuse their children?

Sorry but you sound very judgemental

LaMarschallin · 08/05/2019 10:54

Oh. I see.
Didn't mean to troll hunt and I assume this will have been reported.

Floralnomad · 08/05/2019 10:54

Have I missed where you tell us what the mother or child eventually did as you were watching or did you just decide to walk off ?

3teens2cats · 08/05/2019 10:54

As someone who works with under 5s it's the ultra compliant, quiet children who worry me more than a child who screams and shouts. Children that age should be having tantrums and pushing boundaries, it's how they learn about the social world. They usually do it where they feel most comfortable eg with their parents.