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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler screaming for help WWYD

287 replies

freetone · 08/05/2019 10:05

Posting here for traffic. Just had the most heart wrenching experience of watching a small toddler screaming on the floor in the rain while her mother walked off. I stopped and watched from a distance to make sure the child was okay. The poor thing then proceeded to scream in my direction saying ‘help me please’. It was so hard not to go and pick the poor girl up. WWYD? My DD would not call out to strangers for help no matter what kind of tantrum was throwing. I’m worried for the child’s safety now! She was just screaming at her mum to pick her up and she was ignoring her. That’s all she wanted, it broke my heartSad

OP posts:
Mumofone1593 · 08/05/2019 10:55

I live in a pretty nice area and often by the shops there are kids lying on the floor screaming as they didn't get their magazine/now hate their bike ect,
looking at me pleadingly to save them, soo I don't think it's just the drug filled abuse areas that you apparently walk through that have tantruming children?

RiversDisguise · 08/05/2019 10:56

Can you make next thread more exciting, OP? Maybe upgrade it from a puddle to a lava flow?

Floatingfancy · 08/05/2019 10:58

The other week I removed a marble from my three year old's mouth and he threw himself on the floor and proceeded to yell the following gems:

"no mummy please don't! Please don't mummy!"

"you've hurt me mummy, you've hurt my heart!"

Then when I left him to it and went in the other room to put laundry away

"please don't leave me here alone mummy!"

Should I be expecting a call from social services if my neighbour overheard me?

wengie · 08/05/2019 10:58

I’m trying to make the point that I know normal toddler behaviour

From reading a book you understand normal toddler behaviour really. A lot could have happened before that scream she could have been a demanding child that morning. The mother could have been unwell you don't know.

Hearthside · 08/05/2019 10:58

You saw what a 5 minute snap shot of life and you have judged child abuse. Maybe you are right but maybe that was a tired ,stressed mum who was perhaps on her say 5th tantrum of the morning. My youngest DC was a supreme tantrum thrower and i probably got the superior parents judging me when i let them get on with it 🙄 because it was say the 10th that morning .But i then had the lovely dad stop and say we all been there take no notice of the tutters .Said DC is now a lovely, well rounded 11yr old .So what am saying is you can't possibly know the full story in a snapshot.

butteryellow · 08/05/2019 10:58

Whod have thought there were so many 2 year old girls around the place sitting in puddles/rain crying and being ignored by their Mums hmm

Ha, well, given how often my eldest would do that sort of thing when he was around that age, I would :) We once went to Alton Towers and had to carry the youngest out of CBeebies land in a fireman carry whilst he battered at DP's back screaming blue murder because it was nearly dark, raining, and the park was about to close, but he didn't want to leave. It's a right of passage I think.

I agree that I don't see anything particularly out of the ordinary here - but that I, too, would have just hung close until I saw the girl go off with her mum, just to make sure nothing untoward happened.

thegreylady · 08/05/2019 11:00

Did mum come back? If not what did you do? I once walked away from tantrumming dd in M&S. I hid behind a pillar. A lady asked her if she was ok. Dd said, “Yes thank you” then carried on screaming. She was 4 and wanted me to buy her an extra large ladies’ fleece dressing gown to be a ‘snuggler’.
As long as the child’s mum came back within a short time it was probably an end of tether situation.

DoneLikeAKipper · 08/05/2019 11:00

I just so happened to be taking a shortcut through there so it is highly likely there is something untoward going on if they came from that area.

I have no words. Well actually, I have a few along the lines of ‘judgemental twat’.

My three year old will flop in a tantrum rather than walk, his father is a soft touch that carries him at any sign of whinging, leaving me to deal with this nonsense when alone and unable to do the same. He also does it at traffic light crossings - in the middle of the damn road - so I hate to think what people think when I half drag/half carry him to the other side. Listening to other people’s children cry can be painful, but having been there myself I can completely understand the frustration (especially if the mum is like me and can’t physically carry a toddler even if they’re screaming blue murder). Basically, it’s more likely to be nothing, rather than the ‘something’ you’ve made up in your silly judgmental head and with your ‘qualifications’.

Hearthside · 08/05/2019 11:01

Floatingfancy same here my one DD has beautiful long hair which if she forgets tie it up at night will lug .She will often shout that hurts if i accidentally catch a lug .Anyone walking past would them be reporting me too 🙄.

Instatwat · 08/05/2019 11:01

AIBU?

Yes!

No I’m not, you weren’t there. I have qualifications!

Ok then Biscuit

wengie · 08/05/2019 11:02

I remember my daughter telling me and ta I broke her heart. When she was a toddler she told the HV that I beat the shit out of her (not her words) she said that I kicked up and down the bathroom and kicked and punched her down the stairs I was surprised to see no bruises and she could walk after all that abuse. I wonder where all that imagination comes from.

Downunderduchess · 08/05/2019 11:02

Not sure how anyone here knows what the actual situation was/is. Only one person observed it so it's possible there was a genuinely concerning issue. If it was a woman screaming in the street what would everyone think then? This may have been a tantrum or it may not have. I don't think you could conclusively say it was just that and nothing more.

nanbread · 08/05/2019 11:04

You say you haven't given your daughter "reason to be upset" OP but you are probably just lucky to have a compliant, non-screamy child. Watch out if you have another ;) When you have a screamer, it's bloody shocking, piercing and harrowing - even for the parents.

My toddler doesn't do a "normal toddler scream" - I've honestly never heard anything like it. He can have tantrums lasting up to an hour, set off by things like not being allowed a cake, and the sound is just unbelievably loud and painful to listen to.

Until you've lived through that, pretty much daily, for years, you won't understand why sometimes a parent would need to walk away rather than completely lose their shit.

Tillymintsmama · 08/05/2019 11:06

OP why on earth have you even posted this?? Seems you know enough to handle the situation.

Don't feed the trolls.... Biscuit

Onecutefox · 08/05/2019 11:07

Some children have really horrible tantrums and they know what to say to manipulate the person they're with.

BollocksToBrexit · 08/05/2019 11:07

My toddler told his nursery teacher that I'd done a really bad thing, that he had pain in his tummy because I'd hurt him and he was so sad he didn't think he'd ever be happy again. My crime? He'd spotted a 'drawing' he'd done in the bin.

IvanaPee · 08/05/2019 11:07

@freetone you there??

NotACleverName · 08/05/2019 11:08

Can you make next thread more exciting, OP? Maybe upgrade it from a puddle to a lava flow?

I'm eagerly awaiting the OP's third thread featuring a harassed mother dropping her screaming toddler into an active volcano.

Onecutefox · 08/05/2019 11:09

Mine would also say I never buy them anything. I did hear exactly the same thing from other children having tantrums in the shops.

teyem · 08/05/2019 11:10

but I am qualified in child psychology

Grin
kaytee87 · 08/05/2019 11:11

You never put your child in a position when they'll be upset? So you never tell them no? Or remove something from they shouldn't have?
For all your 'study' of child psychology, I don't think you have a clue what you're talking about.
When a child cries to be picked up they don't actually immediately have to be picked up. Maybe mum had a sore back? Maybe mum had been carrying tantrumming toddler and been hit and kicked so put the child down?
My ds shouts 'mummy help me!!!!!' Really dramatically when he drops a toy or bit of fruit.

kaytee87 · 08/05/2019 11:13

Oh he also has ridiculous tantrums when he needs a poo.

wengie · 08/05/2019 11:13

If I don't feed my kids on time I am starving them and I hate them. DD3 tells me that.

Mothers really do get it don't they we are wicked evil people. Even my dp tells me its always the mother that gets the blame and its true. There dad cant do a thing wrong in there eyes but me I'm the devil.

Acis · 08/05/2019 11:15

The child was not tantruming

A child lying on the ground and screaming because her mother won't do what she wants is definitely tantrumming.

When my child wants to be picked up... I pick her up? That’s what parents do?

Not necessarily. The mother may be physically unable to pick her up, she may have spent the last half hour picking her child up only for the child to scream to be put down. You simply don't know.

wengie · 08/05/2019 11:15

Oh he also has ridiculous tantrums when he needs a poo.

I remember that with DD2 it was horrible she would hold for a couple days. She had to poo eventually but the drama. Back then when it got really bad I had to make her squat on the potty.