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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler screaming for help WWYD

287 replies

freetone · 08/05/2019 10:05

Posting here for traffic. Just had the most heart wrenching experience of watching a small toddler screaming on the floor in the rain while her mother walked off. I stopped and watched from a distance to make sure the child was okay. The poor thing then proceeded to scream in my direction saying ‘help me please’. It was so hard not to go and pick the poor girl up. WWYD? My DD would not call out to strangers for help no matter what kind of tantrum was throwing. I’m worried for the child’s safety now! She was just screaming at her mum to pick her up and she was ignoring her. That’s all she wanted, it broke my heartSad

OP posts:
TheFastandCurious · 08/05/2019 11:17

Can you make next thread more exciting, OP? Maybe upgrade it from a puddle to a lava flow?

Grin
formerbabe · 08/05/2019 11:18

I once refused to buy my dd a toy so she stormed off in a huff...I was walking very fast behind her to catch her up. She turned round and screamed "Stop following meeeee" Blush Luckily I think passers by realised I was actually her mum and not a kidnapper!

Oblomov19 · 08/05/2019 11:19

Good grief. HmmIs this the norm these days? For someone like the OP to take this stance?

As if the mother is neglecting said child? FFS, mind your own business OP.

There are many strategies suggested for coping with a toddler tantrum. ONE of them is to ignore. And it's a very sensible recommendation. Can work a treat!!

x2boys · 08/05/2019 11:19

Your making huge assumptions based on very little, I live in a rough area with drug takers etc I can assure you my children are not being abused, I r remember shopping with ds1_when he was 2 o r 3 he kept shouting help ,I can't remember why may be i wouldn't buy him sweets?I have walked off from my kids when they have been having a tantrum ,just a few steps they always catch me up.

Acis · 08/05/2019 11:20

it is highly likely there is something untoward going on if they came from that area

So what did you do, OP? Did you hang around to see if the mother came back to her or the child got up and followed her mother, or did you walk away? You seem to be avoiding that question.

Blondieg · 08/05/2019 11:21

If your truly concerned perhaps take the same route tomorrow at the same time, school run time, and if they are there again observe from a distance, it may relieve you to see a happier toddler walking nicely or confirm your suspicions so you can take appropriate action x

Roomba · 08/05/2019 11:22

DS2 once yelled 'HELP! Help! A murderer is taking me!!!!! HELP!' at the top of his voice in IKEA. I was physically removing him from the furniture he was trying to climb on at the time. For a few seconds you could have heard a pin drop, everyone nearby stopped and stared - one guy looked really concerned and started rushing towards us as if to 'save' DS. I was mortified! I ended up saying 'yeah, nice try son' in a jokey tone of voice, at which point DS laughed and everyone returned to their shopping. At which point I marched DS to one side, told him off for his behaviour and then took him home given he clearly couldn't behave that day (he'd been warned about trying to climb on things so having to leave was the punishment for ignoring me).

DeadButDelicious · 08/05/2019 11:22

My DD loves to screech HELP ME! RESCUE ME! Or that she's 'hurt' when she's in public. Mostly because she's being asked to do something she doesn't want to do like walk and hold hands nicely or get in the pram ready to get on the bus. Just this morning with had hysterical, screeching, slappy ab-dabs because she found a dummy and I took it away as it's not nap time and she knows that the dummy is just for nap time.

Shes 2. It's pretty much her job description to be a pint sized megalomaniac that you can't reason with.

YABU.

tashac89 · 08/05/2019 11:24

Hmm My 3 year old screams like he's being set on fire when I wash his hair, when his meal isn't just right and when I refuse to give him chocolate. MUMMY PLEEEEEASE! Is the most common. I'd hate to think strangers were labelling me as an abusive mother because my toddler decides he wants to implode today.

wengie · 08/05/2019 11:25

Oblomov19 It is the norm they do exist do-gooder who do no good that's what I call them.

escapade1234 · 08/05/2019 11:25

I absolutely hate this style of dealing with tantrums. Toddlers are not trying to play you. They’re struggling with their feelings and need to be shown understanding and love. A hug and some words of comfort are needed. Let them cry, don’t correct their feelings. If the banana breaking mid-bite has devastated them, agree with them, don’t dismiss it. Let it happen but stay close by, hug if they’ll let you, but remain close and show you care.

Walking off and ignoring them is playing adult games with tiny growing brains

AFistfulofDolores1 · 08/05/2019 11:25

I actually think OP is screaming for help.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 08/05/2019 11:27

@escapade1234 - Finally, a sane post in a thread that's shockingly Victorian.

escapade1234 · 08/05/2019 11:27

Oh, and if they do it in public, take them somewhere private. If they do it at a toddler music class - take them out!!!!

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 08/05/2019 11:27

When I was a child my younger cousin would suddenly stop , drop to the floor and refuse to move unless carried, he was capable of walking, and would raise merry hell if anyone tried to put him in a pushchair. He would also do it if he didn't want to go home and if my aunt or uncle picked him up to bundle him home he would scream 'help me, danger' which he'd been taught in terms of stranger danger. My aunt and uncle are the sweetest softest people , perhaps even a little too soft with their children, now adult cousin cringes when reminded of his behaviour!

CylindraceousNicholas · 08/05/2019 11:28

I have stayed with a child in that position before, but not spoken to then. Park, he was sat on pathway crying, obviously parents had walked "away" to get him to move but he was pretty close to a road. He could have got up and ran that way. I thought he might be lost. So we just stood near him in case he did run to the road direction, and just looked around for parents, who eventually gave us a wave and we were on our way.

Greencustard · 08/05/2019 11:28

I don't put her in a position where she'll be upset

This is comedy gold. You don't sound as if you have much experience with toddlers. There is no negotiating or reasoning with a toddler in meltdown...sometimes we have to just walk away.

Oblomov19 · 08/05/2019 11:29

Clearly wengie.
God save us, from her type!!

CylindraceousNicholas · 08/05/2019 11:29

But obvs i didn't realise then the parents were there! Just not very close.

downcasteyes · 08/05/2019 11:29

Toddlers.

CylindraceousNicholas · 08/05/2019 11:31

They usually do it where they feel most comfortable eg with their parents.

Indeed. Mine seems to save all her tantrums for me. Glowing reports on behaviour from nursery Grin

sunshinesupermum · 08/05/2019 11:31

This happened when DD2 was two years old. She remembers the incident clearly that she was tantruming, sitting down refusing to move and I walked a few yards away from her on Brighton seafront. She is 33 now and never quite forgave me, she says!

Didn't ask for any 'help' from strangers though.

fleshmarketclose · 08/05/2019 11:32

Oh dear, my first child used to have the most spectacular tantrums he could clear a room with his screams. I used to walk off and leave him to it as well, keeping an eye on him obviously. He grew out of them, he came to no harm and I was definitely not abusive, he's a grown man now and survived me ignoring his strops and we are still really close. Back when he was a child walking off and ignoring was HV advice, as was sticking a pillow on the floor to headbutt when he had that phase as well. Not sure that feeding in more input to a child who is overloaded is particularly helpful anyway and so long as they are safe it's fine to let them scream it out. As for screaming help me my son used to shout "you wicked woman, you aren't my mummy, get the police" which I considered pretty clever tbh.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 08/05/2019 11:33

My 2 year old did this to me last week on her brothers school run.
I'm 32 weeks pregnant. She has legs she can walk.
She was hysterical. She was screaming. I folder her twice I was not going to carry her and she was going to walk.

But she doesn't ask to be carried. She screams 'mummy Cuddle' which seems more emotional blackmail to me.

On the pick up I brought the pram.
She didn't want the pram. She didn't want to walk. She wanted me to carry her.

So the locals then got to see me wrestling and shoving a hysterical 2 year old into a pram where she proceeded to lose her shit and trash around.

I gave zero fucks.

cherryblossomgin · 08/05/2019 11:34

It sounds like the toddler was asked to stand up and walk, they said no and they refused to move. so the child had two options, cry in the rain or get up and walk. Instead of giving in the mum set the boundary with some tough love.

Did the child eventually get up or did the mum pick her up?

Also you don't know the age of the child. You are guessing.

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