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Original poster

Toddler screaming for help WWYD

287 replies

freetone · 08/05/2019 10:05

Posting here for traffic. Just had the most heart wrenching experience of watching a small toddler screaming on the floor in the rain while her mother walked off. I stopped and watched from a distance to make sure the child was okay. The poor thing then proceeded to scream in my direction saying ‘help me please’. It was so hard not to go and pick the poor girl up. WWYD? My DD would not call out to strangers for help no matter what kind of tantrum was throwing. I’m worried for the child’s safety now! She was just screaming at her mum to pick her up and she was ignoring her. That’s all she wanted, it broke my heartSad

OP posts:
HBStowe · 08/05/2019 10:27

Well then if you absolutely know it was abuse (though from what you have said I simply don’t see how this is possible) then yes, you absolutely should have intervened, and it’s not surprising that you regret that you didn’t.

IvanaPee · 08/05/2019 10:27

Gosh, you must always be in the right place at the right time seeing as this is the second time this has happened in a matter of weeks, according to your posting history.

Ah.

ItsAllGone19 · 08/05/2019 10:27

freetone so what did you do about this poor potentially abused child who was displaying atypical tantrum behaviour from your description?

Hand wringing helps no one. Criticising a parent online helps no one. If you genuinely think a child needs help...you provide that help then handle the consequences.

I've done this previously when a little girl who couldn't speak English was lost. I kept her with me whilst I called 101 for advice/help. 15 minutes later because we hadn't moved an inch her father furiously starts hurling abuse at me when he finds us for abducting his daughter she was all tears, cuddles and "Papa" when he arrived...pretty certain it was her dad or someone she felt safe with I gave him the incident number from the police and told him a community support officer was making their way to the location because I'd reported her as being lost. I honestly thought he was on the verge of attacking me.

I don't regret intervening, it was the right thing to do. That little girl younger than 4 could have gotten into all sorts of trouble/harm. But the consequences weren't pleasant to deal with.

Rather than helping this child or physically making sure they were OK, you observed from a distance then jumped online to criticise a parent/carer. If this is common behaviour from a child psychologist I hope that my children never need support from one!

1Wildheartsease · 08/05/2019 10:27

It is good that you were concerned enough to stay and keep an eye on the child. It is possible that you were watching public abuse. It does occasionally happen.

However, since toddler- tantrums like this happen often in the life of loving non-abusing families, it is more likely that you were watching some ordinary survival parenting.

Feel for the tired parent and imagine how you would cope with this average toddler behaviour over the year or so it continues. It is tough!

multivac · 08/05/2019 10:28

You did the wrong thing. You left a small child in danger, despite knowing what the right thing to do was. She may or may not be ok. There's nothing you can do about it now. It's too late.

There. Is that better?

StormTreader · 08/05/2019 10:28

I'm really quite surprised someone with any kind of credible child psychology qualifications would be talking about possible abuse behind closed doors on the back of nothing more than "the parent didn't do what their toddler was tantrumming for".

outvoid · 08/05/2019 10:28

Honestly toddlers are a nightmare. There’s absolutely no way of negotiating with them and they can be incredibly manipulative. I found the toddler years the toughest, far more than the baby stage.

Sometimes walking away is the only option. They can be utterly unreasonable and it gets to a point where you have to walk away to maintain your own sanity. I’d rather a parent walk away than snap and completely lose it.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 08/05/2019 10:28

Nothing you could have done? Well if you're so sure of abuse that's bollocks, you could called the police and followed them. Why didn't you?

bordellosboheme · 08/05/2019 10:29

Much better for a mother to ignore a tantrum than react angrily. Thats probably good parenting I think.

ItsAllGone19 · 08/05/2019 10:29

I never said a child psychologist, I have child psychology qualifications

Cross post. Thank goodness for that!

RiversDisguise · 08/05/2019 10:29

Toddlers are such cunts.

My toddler nephew is a big one for screaming HELP ME when his hair is brushed, when he is not allowed to watch Paw Patrol or, yesterday, as a response to being offered cabbage.

Me: Try and have some cabbage.
Toddler: HELP ME NO NO NO NO NO HELP ME NO AUNTIE KATIE NO DADDY WILL HURT YOU FOR THIS

Original poster
freetone · 08/05/2019 10:29

I’m not a perfect parent but I wouldn’t leave my 2yo ok the floor in the rain if she was wanting to be picked up. Some people are more stern at parenting than me and that’s okay, it works for them! It doesn’t mean it’s any less heartbreaking to passers by. Her piercing screams keep echoing through my head I need some wine! Apologies if I seemed snarky I’m just genuinely worried for this girl

OP posts:
nelsonmuntzslingshot · 08/05/2019 10:29

Your last update has made you sound like a grade A judgy arsehole. Have a nice day.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 08/05/2019 10:30

You weren’t there so you can’t really comment I’m afraid

So what was the point of this post Hmm

My DC are older now but no I didn't pick them up every bloody time they asked me to. They were more than capable of walking. DD was an absolute terror at that age and I walked away from her more than once when she was having a tantrum over things like this. She soon got over it

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 08/05/2019 10:31

Uh. I've just wasted 15 mins of my life with this garbage

Windygate · 08/05/2019 10:32

@freetone your professional background means you think the incident you saw was not a tantrum, fair enough. You must also understand safeguarding and know how to report concerns. Report your concerns.

rhnireland205 · 08/05/2019 10:32

My daughter did this to me yesterday. She was annoyed because I wouldn't buy her a doughnut. So screamed Help me please for 15 minutes as we walked home. She's a drama queen and she likes to control things so I need to be quite firm at times and perhaps this childs parent was in a similar situation.

multivac · 08/05/2019 10:32

You need wine at 10.30 in the morning?

TheSerenDipitY · 08/05/2019 10:33

if i had seen it my first thought was the mother was not giving in and rewarding bad behavior, not that she was abandoning the child

ItsAllGone19 · 08/05/2019 10:33

Apologies if I seemed snarky I’m just genuinely worried for this girl

You honestly believe this little girl was the subject of some kind of abuse and you just watched.

What does that say about you?

IvanaPee · 08/05/2019 10:34

Just not worried enough to do something, huh?

What happened with the last time you witnessed similar?

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 08/05/2019 10:34

@freetone

I get you. The hardest of hearts would probably prick a bit with a tiny child rolling on the floor in the rain shouting “help me” whilst mummy walks off, and I say that as a parent of two arch manipulators.

Seeing as you asked “WWYD” I’d honestly go over all breezy and be like “what you doing down there? Are you having a lie down” and basically risk a verbal battering from a knackered and enraged parent.

I’ve seen this before at Heathrow and as it was SO BUSY I did want to just stand there beside the kid to make sure the mum was going to come back and she did in seconds looking well harrassed and all “sorry, sorry”.

I just said “no apology needed” and then to the kid “be good to mummy” and wandered off.

Long story but you did ask OP Grin

HBStowe · 08/05/2019 10:34

Some people are more stern at parenting than me and that’s okay, it works for them! It doesn’t mean it’s any less heartbreaking to passers by.

But people don’t parent for the benefit of passers by...

This new notion that some parents are just sterner than others is a long way from your previous suggestion that you were absolutely confident that the girl was being abused by a drug addict.

Either this was a tantrum and you think the parent should have handled it differently, in which case you were right not to intervene and you should work on being less judgemental of other parents, or you absolutely knew this was a case of genuine abuse, and you should have intervened to check the child was ok. It is absolutely unclear from your posts which scenario is true!

poweroverme · 08/05/2019 10:34

My son use to want to walk, ' no buggy mummy' and then when out wanted to be carried the whole time. So it could be simply this.
Also my other ds, would say in front of strangers, ' don't beat me again' after a while I would just laugh because it was his thing which was extremely embarrassing.
Both ds now teen remember that so fondly while I looked like a crazy abusive mother Blush

SolitudeAtAltitude · 08/05/2019 10:35

oh, I have left my toddlers on the floor, screaming, as long as it was safe to do so (ie not by the side of the road)

I had two herniated discs after DS2 and just could not lift him up, physically, by the time he was 2.5 yrs old, too big and heavy.

So I'd let him tantrum it out, then take his hand and walk home once he'd calmed down a bit.

If I see a toddler screaming, I would mostly assume terrible-twos, not abuse.