Toddler screaming for help WWYD

[freetone]

Posting here for traffic. Just had the most heart wrenching experience of watching a small toddler screaming on the floor in the rain while her mother walked off. I stopped and watched from a distance to make sure the child was okay. The poor thing then proceeded to scream in my direction saying ‘help me please’. It was so hard not to go and pick the poor girl up. WWYD? My DD would not call out to strangers for help no matter what kind of tantrum was throwing. I’m worried for the child’s safety now! She was just screaming at her mum to pick her up and she was ignoring her. That’s all she wanted, it broke my heart

struggle

My DS had a massive tantrum all the way round a big Sainsburys - why; because he had seen a lobster on the fish counter and wanted one!

It was:

"YOU WON'T BUY ME A LOBSTER.....!"

Until that day, he had never seen one and did not know what one was!
Were we supposed to give into emotional blackmail and buy him whatever he wanted from supermarkets like gallons of Coca Cola and tons of sweets, because he exhibited distress at being told "No!"?

IMO, children having most of their teeth out by four is neglect, so where would that have left us - between a rock of being accused of abuse; and a hard place of neglect due to no teeth!

I was in a shop with a friend and her 2year old DD a few years ago.

Friends DD wanted a chocolate bar. Friend said no. Friends DD burst into a tantrumming rage of tears, and then walked over to the first person who showed a sympathetic face and said ‘help me, my Mummy hits me!’ (She bloody well does not)

Kids can be shits.

Looked after a child who went trough a phase of literally shouting 'help' whenever she got upset. Doesn't mean anything sinister.

Children can be buggers

Indeed they can. And adults can be abusive.

But when I think about it, I think a child living in an absuive situation wouldn’t be pitching a fit, they’d be quiet, because they’d know what was coming to them, or because they know they’d be ignored.

My then-toddler threw herself on a sun-lounger in an instore display. She buried her face in the polythene protective cover. As I moved in swiftly to rescue her, she raised her head and wailed “Don’t beat me, Mummy! Ple-e-e-a-a-se don’t beat me!”
She’d never been beaten. I hadn’t even known she knew the word!

My 9 yr old opens his bedroom window and shouts ‘murderer’ out of it when he’s been sent to his room. Thankfully, my neighbours are used to his histrionics by now.

This would have upset me too, any child asking for help would upset me if I couldn't help.

Gut instinct can tell the difference between naughty child tantrumming and terrified child sobbing for help. My old neighbours kids were forever laying on floors in supermarkets and screaming. I knew the difference between that and the terrified screams begging through the walls and the subsequent bruises cuts and hospital trips. I reported it.

as a childcarer some of the most problematic parenting I & severalof my cm friends had was from:social workers, psychologist, (sorry) teachers -I kid you not! 2 year olds will act up like this & yes I have at times, walked a short distance away watching for dc to calm down so I can pick them up, put them in push chair or what ever, I have vivid memories of walking back from school with a dc who decided to throw them selves on floor & scream, & I had a pushchair with another dc - fun it was not - a car stopped just ahead & the under eights officer (before OFSTED) poked her head out & asked how I was! (she knew me very well - in a friendly way) I wished earth could swallow me - dc did get back up & as was sweetness & light after - it happens (& yes I loved dc dearly!) wisest thing to do is to stop discretely & watch discretely. Anything really untoward - than you can decide what to do - but child psychology lectures do not make you an expert on interpreting/making a snap judgement (& I do have a degree too)

An abused child is more likely to be quiet than seek help from others because they know they'll be in serious shit if they do that.

@edwinbear your son is amazing 😂

ps when putting struggling child having a tantrum into pushchair & they go stiff tickle their tummy they have to relax than you can quickly tie the straps up. (one of my own dc refused to wear anything but welly boots all through the summer so I let her - pretty summer dresses & red wellies -pick your battles - or not!)

My son screams "help me please!!" Abd screams his heart out...Wait for it..When we change his bum!!...Or gets taken to bed...or most things he doesnt want to do...If dads changing...its "mummy please help!!" And vise versa with me...hope my neighbours dont report me to ss!!...Tbh usually abused children are quiet & withdrawn & dont trust anyone as the one person in life who is meant to show them love & safety abuses them which damages their ability to trust and form bonds...So unlikely to scream for help infront of their abuser and ask strangers for help...do some research on signs of abuse...I can understand how things may look or sound...but majority of the time abused children know no differant & dont vry for help sadly...Its a very shallow view of what an abused child would behave like...

My thoughts exactly ineedaknittedhat

If you were genuinely worried about the girl you would have actually done something to help instead you've just come on MN to say how shit her Mum is and how great you are cuz you'd never do that.

But since you didn't do anything to actually help the girl you don't look so great yourself OP.

Bonus points for your assumptions about what kind of neighbourhood's kids get abused in. 🙄

This is all coming from a poster that stated she would cuddle and comfort her 3 year old if there was no chocolate cereal left. Yet, you say you have these qualifications

I think you are fairly judgemental of other parents and how they look after their children, and I don't believe it comes from any other place other than arrogance.

Toddlers cry, whinge over absolutely nothing and they certainly are manipulative. Your comments regarding the location of where you supposedly saw this happening were awful and confirm that you are one hell of a judgemental person.

If you were truly concerned for this child, because you know you believe there's a high chance of something sinister going on here due to location, you're a shitty person for not doing so. Happy?

But, as none of us were there, we cannot say anything so what exactly did you start this thread for? To once again judge other parents?

I look forward to your next thread and/or post where you see another parent ignoring their child and how it breaks your heart.

"YOU WON'T BUY ME A LOBSTER.....!"

I'm sorry @MontStMichel that must've been so stressful and I completely sympathise with you on the big shop tantrums.

However this made me burst out laughing. You son has very fine taste.

Just to point out that having teeth out by four is not always neglect ,both my kids have Ameleogenisis imperfecta which make teeth weak and prone decay ,ds2 also has the added compliccation of severe autism and learning disabilities and I struggle to clean his teeth consequently he ended up having several teeth out at five .

I know; as a child I had to have dental check ups every 4 months because my enamel or whatever is so poor, my teeth decayed too quickly to be left for 6 months!
However, I did not want my children to have the fillings I did - and none of them did!

Have you watched this evening's Planet Child on itv Op. it shows very young children and apparently if I heard correctly, children learn to lie from the age of around two, not convincingly albeit.

My 3 year old lies, very badly. She'd pulled all the books off the shelf while I was in the kitchen and made a big pile of them on the floor. When I walked in she saw my face and without missing a beat pointed at me and said "you did it"

@Myboys9910

I hope my neighbours don't report me to social services

If that was a dig at me for reporting my neighbours to ss, the kids are currently taken with their dad due to the mums abusive drug addicted partner. I was vilified the first time I reported the abuse, I had to listen to the abuse and everything else for three years. We moved in the end and I hear that after I left there was a serious incident and the children were finally removed. I absolutely promise you I am not some busy body ringing the social services because a child was a bit noisy through the walls.

Mine will come and give me loads of cuddles and be extra sweet... Ask me for something she knows I will say "no" to very cutely, then when I obviously say no, I get a swift smack on the thigh and a "you make me cross and sad, go outside!!" Points to the window

I've been that mum. Sometimes there's nothing else to do but walk away for a short time. When ds used to tantrum (he was never a drop-to-the-floor-and-kick-legs-around toddler though) he often needed help to calm down and always accepted a cuddle in order to do so. Dd is a whole other story. She will not come out of it until she is ready and will lie down, wherever she happens to be, to make a point. Admittedly she's never said "help me" to a stranger, but that's because you actually can't understand a word she's screaming because she's like a banshee.

I'd probably see it as a good thing that the mother has learned to walk away rather than get angry and frustrated. I'd be more concerned if she'd come back and handled her roughly.