To think friends child should be out of nappies

[FreshAprilStart]

Context. My friend is brilliant. Such a great mum, does so much with her children and very loving and kind. But. She gets very anxious about them and managing change.

When asked, I've always been reassuring about things like co-sleeping and so on and fussy eating and saying it all falls into place in time which it usually does.

The thing is that her DD is quite tall for her age and nearly 4 now but is still in nappies. No issues or special needs. The nursery has even said they want to get her out of nappies soon as it's now becoming noticed by other kids. My friend just ignores it all.

I've been as supportive as I can, soothing and encouraging but she seems stuck in the 'it's fine at this age' and won't tackle it. I'm getting more and more frustrated when she seeks more assurances. Her DD is adorable but I'm beginning to think she'll be in nappies at school at this rate.

Would you say something or stay out of it?

Well which is it? Either she thinks its fine or she is seeking your assurance that it is fine. If the latter then you need to be more honest, if the former then you either stay out of it or broach it very carefully.

Not your circus...

My dd was still in nappies at nearly 4 because she has SEN

I wouldn’t bring it up but if she sought assurances I certainly wouldn’t give them! You can say it nicely and not too heavily, just “well, 4 is a bit old to still be in nappies”. The nursery will probably continue to pick her up on it.

I’m also a bit confused.
Is your friend asking for tips to get her child out of nappies or doesn’t she mind?

If it veers between both I would just stay out of it.

Well her DD’s height is irrelevant to her being in nappies still.
I would stay out of it, as it’s really none of your business.

Literally none of your business.

It is late but there may be complex reasons as to why.

Do you know whether she's actually tried toilet training?

Stay out of it. There might be more going on than she wants to explain. Ds was 5 and still in nappies, it wasn’t ever a big deal as plenty other kids are too.

It’s not your business. If she asks I would be honest that it’s probably time to tackle it. But otherwise I’d do nothing.
My son was 3.5 at least before he was ready, at the time he had no diagnosed SN (though he since has been diagnosed with ASD, severe dyslexia and dyspraxia. All of which affect potty training.
Maybe she doesn’t know how to approach it. Offer to help??

My DS was in nappies until a week before he turned 4. He just didn't get it before then.

You're right I think if no sn.

I'd mind my own business unless she specifically asked for my advice or opinions.

Well apart from the fact many SEN are not diagnosed at four it's absolutely nothing to do with you .

She needs to be careful, she’s getting close to the age where other children will start teasing her for being a baby in nappies and things like that can be really horrible.

If she is seeking an opinion, give it. If she's not, don't. It sounds like she ought to be getting on with it to me, but you risk throwing a grenade into your friendship if you bring it up unasked. At least nursery are bringing it up, so hopefully it will sink in eventually.

My ds was almost 4 when toilet training finally kicked in. I had loads of 'helpful' people being concerned and offering advice, but the fact is he was ready when he was ready, and never had an accident from the minute it clicked, no amount of coaxing, guidance or anything else worked before then and it was getting us both down.

Happy to report he is now 17 and is still toilet trained

Seems consensus is to stay out of it.

The frustration is when she's seeking me to agree that it's fine whereas to me the size of her DD says she is far too developed for nappies.

But accept I don't know what else may be going on.

No attempts at toilet training yet. Think the nursery might just do it by the sounds of it.

It’s ridiculous that a four year old is still in nappies. If I was asked my opinion I would tell her. If I wasn’t I wouldn’t.

Do not reassure her that it is fine. It is far from fine. They are employing nappy changers in schools because children are going to school in nappies. Completely inept parenting and utter stupidity

She should have attempted it by now,seems bit lazy to me.

When is she going to school? If she is turning 4 soon and going to school this September then you could gently tell her that really pupils without SEN need to be out of nappies before then, she still has the summer to tackle it.

If she is not 4 until later this year then I would leave it.

So don't want to upset her or risk the friendship. She is great.

Just feel for the wee mite still having her nappy changed sometimes in public. She just looks like a schoolgirl.

Anyway, none of my business.

A childs height has absolutely no bearing on their cognitive or physical development.

My son is in the 96th percentile for height, he is four next month, he has been potty trained for about three weeks.

She's so clever and well developed and strong, climbs everywhere and always running around. She'll be having full conversations, very deep and quizzical, then all of a sudden lies down and asks to be changed by her mum and I just think 'walk over and sit on the toilet. You'll be fine".

If she's actively asking for your honest opinion, I'd tell her the truth. It does seem rather late if here is no underlying reason. If she isn't asking, keep quiet.