To think you need to jus lift your child?

[PugasaurusRex]

We had a visiting toddler today. When it was time to go he threw a mega tantrum and refused to leave or to return the toy he had hold of at the time.

His mother just stood there. And stood. And stood. Occasionally calling weakly "George... George.... Time to go now..." George would then bolt back into the playroom.

This went on for the best part of twenty minutes. Eventually he started throwing things at my elderly cat in a rage, so I had to go and physically remove George from the playroom, remove the toy from his grasp, and essentially post him out the front door with his mother trailing behind.

I've seen this in toddler groups too. Child won't put on shoes/leave/come away from the door, and instead of lifting them and removing them the parent just sort of stands and bleats at them.

Am I missing something? Is it now seen as wrong/too strict to tuck your child under your arm and match them off kicking and screaming? Mine are a little past that stage, but I remember it being a fun feature of their toddler years.

I feel that George's mother was quite happy for me to be the bad guy in this scenario... She's a perfectly fit woman so I'm not sure why else lifting the child was beyond her

Title should be just lift your child, of course

Some dps just can't parent a snowflake....

I've got a friend who does this, just says repeatedly "x time to put your shoes on" as we're all standing by the front door waiting for them to leave so we can get on with our evening. Drives me nuts.

I just can't work out what she thought would happen. He wasn't going to magically see reason. If I hadn't lifted him they'd still be here!

Look down the list for a post from a mum who believes doing anything less than 100% fulfilling your child's wishes is essentially child abuse. You were NBU

SO annoying! YANBU. It is infuriating when other parents just meekly stand by repeating their instructions.

Is it now seen as wrong/too strict to tuck your child under your arm and match them off kicking and screaming?

I think that must be it yes. I suppose doing it with a 5+ year old NT child would be a bit inappropriate as hopefully they would listen and follow instructions but with a toddler surely it's fine!?

God yes, it's my least favourite part of parenting esp as DD is massive and I'm tiny.

My new thing is to give DD (2.9) 'thinking time', where I count to five to allow her to reach the right 'choice' to do it herself before I lift her up and make her. Works 99% of the time.

I mean, God, yes, this is sometimes necessary; not yes, you were being U

I had this for AN HOUR with a friend and her child once. Dropped her sharpish.

I will try that approach for 5 minutes, after that I will just bundle them under one arm and march them to the car. No harm trying to do it nicely first, sometimes it works!

Yes to this. I often wonder if I’m missing something as parents just repeat the same thing over and over again instead of sitting Arlo down and just putting his shoes on him. DH is like this and I’m often just saying “but why don’t you just go and GET him?”

I have a hand on my three year old from the time we get out the bath to the time I tuck him in bed, otherwise he will bolt. DH doesn’t and spend 80% of bedtime forlornly shouting up and down the stairs for the three year old to come back.....

I find people with an actual physical disability have really well trained kids, because they’ve prioritised it as a necessity.

I tried the shouting my son countless times today at soft play because I just could not be arsed going in.

I mean thankfully he did come after my scary voice came out.

I agree btw, when I’m not lazy and 6 months pregnant I give one chance then I remove them
Myself

It depends on the situation. I have no issue standing in the shopping centre while DS is throwing a tantrum and rolling around on the floor. He'll get up eventually and stressing out about it doesn't help. If it takes him more than a few minutes, I'll pick him up and carry him somewhere where he can continue at his own leisure without disturbing others.
If he doesn't want to put shoes on and it isn't wet or freezing cold outside, I'm not bothered about that, either. He frequently walks out of nursery to the car in socks or barefoot. He'll demand his shoes back on when he gets uncomfortable.
So yes, I'd have probably picked him up in the situation you describe but I don't see any harm in him having choices sometimes, either.

Oh OP yadnbu! I also have a friend like this. I want to pick her son up by the ankle and drop him in the bin in the car and slam the door!

Sometimes it's the time to give choices, sometimes you gotta pick them up. 20 minutes in someone else's house when it's time to go is one of those times.

My eldest was a very emotional toddler! I would usually make some attempt at reasoning but it would become clear in a minute or so whether my attempts would be fruitful or not. Once the kid is in full meltdown their not really capable of understanding any rational argument so while you can be sympathetic and empathise with their genuine feelings you do just have to scoop them and run.

YY OP!

I literally got stuck at my childminder's house with 8 year old DS for 20 minutes a while back because a mum had come in after me to pick up her toddler and the toddler wouldn't leave. The hallway is super narrow so we couldn't get out of the house until they had left. The mum knew we were there waiting and just kept on going 'Oh please darling...'

Childminder in the end firmly said 'it's time to go home. Now.' And walked her out of the door.

I just wanted to yell 'Whatever you're doing, IT ISN'T PARENTING!!!' But I didn't. DS was looking at me like

Yanbu, it infuriates me to see this! My dd is 3 (almost 4 but no sign of the 'threenager' disappearing 🤦‍♀️) and she gets 3 chances then I'll pick her up or do what needs to be done. She knows the score, I couldn't be just stood there repeating myself and looking like a tit!

She also knows that throwing a tantrum when we're out isn't ok and she'll be punished (not get a star on her reward chart or not get a treat, not locked in a cupboard or anything). Parents need to be in control for safety if nothing else, eg. if my dd is flailing about tantrumming in a shop she could be stepped on or hit with a trolley by someone not looking for a small child on the floor, why should other shoppers have to deal with my kid?

Yanbu!
It gives me the rage, just pick them up and take them where they need to be. If they won't put the shoes on just pick those up too.

I cut it quite fine to catch a flight to the other side of the world because the person driving me to the airport (who insisted despite me saying I'd get a train) had to wait for their 18mo to get in the buggy. Picking him up and putting him in apparently 'infringed on his autonomy'.

I do get that sometimes it's easier to encourage a child to do things for themselves, and to feel like they've chosen to do them, but there's a time and a place and if they're blatantly refusing, the adult should still pull rank!

There was a thread a while back about a dad who couldn't extract his DD from her playdate so went home without her!

I would pick my children up under my arm and walk out with them and then realised that I couldn't do that forever, at some point they would get too big to pick up so I needed some other strategies to get them out the door too. Standing there saying 'its time to go' for twenty minutes wasn't one of the strategies though!

I guess the idea is they get the message whilst they are still young enough to pick up so the alternatives are never needed.

My kids get two warnings...

"George!"
"Come here please George!"

And then Mum means business

"George, here,** NOW!"

At which point if George doesn't come he gets grabbed and put where he is meant to be.

But then I'm the strong willed mother of wilful children. Very very wilful children, God love em!