To think you need to jus lift your child?

[PugasaurusRex]

We had a visiting toddler today. When it was time to go he threw a mega tantrum and refused to leave or to return the toy he had hold of at the time.

His mother just stood there. And stood. And stood. Occasionally calling weakly "George... George.... Time to go now..." George would then bolt back into the playroom.

This went on for the best part of twenty minutes. Eventually he started throwing things at my elderly cat in a rage, so I had to go and physically remove George from the playroom, remove the toy from his grasp, and essentially post him out the front door with his mother trailing behind.

I've seen this in toddler groups too. Child won't put on shoes/leave/come away from the door, and instead of lifting them and removing them the parent just sort of stands and bleats at them.

Am I missing something? Is it now seen as wrong/too strict to tuck your child under your arm and match them off kicking and screaming? Mine are a little past that stage, but I remember it being a fun feature of their toddler years.

I feel that George's mother was quite happy for me to be the bad guy in this scenario... She's a perfectly fit woman so I'm not sure why else lifting the child was beyond her

I think I used to be this parent when DS1 was little I was a little bit oblivious to it, mainly I didn't want to make a massive scene with him screaming the place down as I thought that would be worse than simply taking a bit longer to leave. I don't know why I thought that, in hindsight. He actually has ADHD as well (had no idea until years later) so it would go on forever every time. Although that was another reason I tended to try to avoid conflict with him - because he would win, or I would end up so enraged that I'd do something horrible. It was a less stressful outcome if I just waited for him to eventually comply, although I realise not less stressful for other people.

This is a regular occurrence in my life with a 1 & 2yr old! On a really bad day one under each arm. 😂

Unfortunately yes. Multiple people have said to my 15 month old 'cruel mummy, can't she just carry you' (or similar) when I leave playgroup strapping the screaming baby into the pram. My sister had a party once and we were stuck with one child for 30 minutes as the mum pleaded to her to get in the car, in the end I asked her why couldn't she just carry her to her carseat and she said she hadn't thought of that

Haha my husband does this!! Well he’s stopped since I started snapping “just pick her up ffs!!”

i knew someone who did this just said dont so that or come on we're going in a weak voice it drove me mad

the ds now rules the roost doesnt do anythin hes told and treats her like shite

I spent half my eldest kids life with him under my arm screaming as we left places. I feel a bit bad now as he's 13 now and we've recently discovered he's high functioning autistic so I'm sure there was good reason for at least some of the screaming.

My friends used to comment how adept I was at chatting and carrying on a conversation with screaming child. It was just part of life.

I have had visiting kids where the mum would enter in to hours of discussion about leaving- unbearable- our dinner was burning in the oven and she was still trying to coax darling Henry out of a corner using a nice voice.

I have no problem with letting a child take a toy. I did it and had friends do it with my DC. They are often overtired and overstimulated/excited at the end of a vist. Sometimes ok to do things for an easy life I think.

Or with visitors leaving by car to travel home with young ones I have in past packed up a little snack box for the journey. Works well towards a peaceful exit.

I had one usually very sensible friend collect her then 4 yo DS from a playdate. He didn't want to go and she tried to get him into his coat and shoes and in the struggle they toppled over and were rolling on the floor. She was so angry and embarrassed but we laughed a lot afterwards.

Haha my husband does this!! Well he’s stopped since I started snapping “just pick her up ffs!!”

That reminds me of a doctor's appointment with all 3 children when they were small. Middle dd (a toddler) was due some vaccinations. I took the other 2 and waited outside. DH and the (male) nurse) had dd2 in the room. vaccinations should take all of 1 minute to do. All I could hear was talking and begging and pleading and screaming and talking and begging and pleading and screaming. Eventually I told the 5 year old to mind the baby in the pram, went in, grabbed the toddler said "you'll be fine" and said to the nurse "do it NOW". He did and that was the end of it. Dh and the nurse seemed to think they were going to persuade her of the long-term benefits of vaccinations through reasoned argument.

That mother wanted you to give her child the toy OP.

We went to an event at our local science centre the other day. All the kids (3-5) were well behaved. Sat nicely and listened etc. Except one child who was utterly obnoxious. He shouted out. He ran around. Shoved other children. Had tantrums when he had to wait his turn etc. Mother was simpery “oh, please don’t do that Theo. We have talked about this. Oh Theo do stop pushing”

Not once did she even rise from her seat. Other parents were all looking at each other like 🙄🙄

Used to have to set the burglar alarm when I wanted DC to leave the house. Told them police would come if it went off. Needless to say they never found out if the police would really turn up!

Wish I could still pick em up and put them where I need them to be, but youngest is 17, 13stone, and 6"3" so I couldn't actually move him now.
(So I resort to menacing threats)

I know a mum who says to her 3 year old in a plantive voice "but you promised mummy you would never do that again" while he runs around wrecking the nursery, as if he can understand a promise and the concept of never

coffee I came to post the same thing you did.

I’m disabled, if my youngest runs my scary mummy voice stops him dead. In the playground at his brothers school I’ve seen parents stop when I’ve yelled ‘George, get here NOW’. After using that same voice telling ds to ‘give me what’s in your hand, NOW’ I had a parent lean over and hand me her keys 😂
My scary voice is all I’ve got, I can’t lift them. I’ve honed it well though 😂

My 14yo ds was delighted to discover he's now a few Cm taller than me a few months ago.

I simply replied "yeah - well I can still kick your arsed from down here"

My kids know two words very well

"NOW" and "NO"

I try not to spoil them with reasoned arguments and full sentences when they are being naughty.

DS1 was about 6 the last time I threw him over my shoulder and carried him away from a situation. He has ASD and I do sometimes wish I could still do that, but he's about 7" taller than me and twice as wide, these days :o

I was chatting through step-parent challenges with a colleague one day (while DSD was very much a toddler) and he advised me that there will come a day when I can’t just pick her up so don’t use that as a way to control the situation. I found that advice scary but really helpful.

YANBU experiences this at a friend’s last week. Their toddler also hit my DS and repeatedly snatched toys from him and it was always “ohh don’t do that” in a soft voice and I wanted to scream by the end.

But Loupy by that point they might be capable of listening to reason. It’s not like they’ll just be giant toddlers

YADNBU. She's pandering to him and making a rod for her own back.

We generally try to parent in a gentle way, allowing our DCs as much control over their own lives as possible....but obviously sometimes they decide that they want to own that control at the most inappropriate of times
So yeah. I’ve carried both DCs, kicking and screaming, surf-board style under my arm on more than one occasion. Sometimes it’s the only logical solution.

I have been known to forcibly put shoes on other people’s children before now just to get them to leave my house.

They were given lots of choices. Some were two ways to achieve my preferred outcome... Child in car seat, climb in or lift in? Some not so much ... Apple or pear?

If you present the choice you want them to make last, they'll usually chose it. So if you're eyeing the lone banana with a view to a nice PB and banana sandwich once your darling child is in bed, asking, "Would you like a banana or an apple?" will find you tucking into your delicious sandwich in the quiet evening. Of course, it has to be two roughly equal things. "Would you prefer chocolate or brussels sprouts?" isn't going to work.

I was once on a tram and told my Ds in a very stern voice sit down properly . All the passengers straightened up 🤣.

Yes sometimes we have to tell the kids how it is. My Ds has Adhd and yes I have picked him up from many places but now in high school it doesn’t work . However if I had tried to reason with him as a toddler he would be running rings round me now

Easy to say 'why don't parents do such and such,' maybe they had a tough night last night and were literally broken to the point of not thinking logically or just not able to pick them up!