To think you need to jus lift your child?

[PugasaurusRex]

We had a visiting toddler today. When it was time to go he threw a mega tantrum and refused to leave or to return the toy he had hold of at the time.

His mother just stood there. And stood. And stood. Occasionally calling weakly "George... George.... Time to go now..." George would then bolt back into the playroom.

This went on for the best part of twenty minutes. Eventually he started throwing things at my elderly cat in a rage, so I had to go and physically remove George from the playroom, remove the toy from his grasp, and essentially post him out the front door with his mother trailing behind.

I've seen this in toddler groups too. Child won't put on shoes/leave/come away from the door, and instead of lifting them and removing them the parent just sort of stands and bleats at them.

Am I missing something? Is it now seen as wrong/too strict to tuck your child under your arm and match them off kicking and screaming? Mine are a little past that stage, but I remember it being a fun feature of their toddler years.

I feel that George's mother was quite happy for me to be the bad guy in this scenario... She's a perfectly fit woman so I'm not sure why else lifting the child was beyond her

Bet she thought that you would say keep the toy and that, that would calm the child down so she would not actually have to parent. I have a cousin who behaves in this manner

YANBU. Or the “ please don’t do that, not nice” said with a sugary voice when their kid throws stuff/snatches toys/destroys other children’s duplo etc builds...

YANBU. There is a Mother at my DC’s school with two son’s who are testing to say the least. One is 6/7 in my DD’s class and he’s always in trouble, the other is a 2 year old and he’s forever running away from her or having a tantrum. She just stands there in situ shouting his name, never attempts to chase him. It’s really no wonder both of her children are naughty.

I find people with an actual physical disability have really well trained kids, because they’ve prioritised it as a necessity.

MY 13 year old DD is three inches taller than me, nearly a black belt in karate and amazonian build. She still knows I am in charge, as I taught her that when she was a toddler, when I WAS bigger and stronger than her. She knows I will listen when I am being unreasonable though, which builds respect.

On the whole, counting to three still works fairly well as a reminder!

My friend once asked, when out with me and my two toddlers 'What happens when you get to three?' I replied 'I don't know, it's never happened'.

There are children and there are parents and children really do need to be parented!

I’d have ‘infringed on his autonomy ’alright!

OP. YANBU. It’s absolutely bloody ridiculous. I’m well past my most patient days, I’d have said ‘Right George, Mummy said it’s time to go’ and I would have bundled him in the car - long before 20 minutes of that shit. Anyone who didn’t like it could feel free not to come back 🤷🏻‍♀️ He wouldn’t have got as far as terrorising my cat, but if he had, he’d have got a good telling off too.

Cannot stand ineffective parents.

YANBU. I couldn’t be friends with people who parent like that.

This annoys me. l've been in a book shop looking (or trying to look) at something, and a child of about four wandered in front of me and stood there, blocking my view.
Cue Mummy standing ten feet away bleating "Christopher…. Christopher…. come out of the way, darling, the lady can't see.... Christopher... Christopher....." whereupon Christopher takes no bloody notice and stands his ground, grinning like a chimp.
No way would my stepsons have been allowed to do that. And it wouldn't have taken umpteen repetitions of his name to get them to move, either. My OH would have physically moved them if necessary, and apologised. Sometimes you have to let them know that what you say, you mean, and it happens. One way or another.

I find people with an actual physical disability have really well trained kids, because they’ve prioritised it as a necessity

Ha ha this was me, shuffling to my car with DD4.

Other Mum to willfull offspring: “Look at Little Tink walking nicely holding hands with his mummy, he’s not trying to run off.”

Me under my breath: “Well no because I’ll probably fall over if he does”.

But play dates who won’t leave are the worst, just bugger off will you, your time is up now.

And DH volunteers at a youth club. So many parents are ineffective at taking their kid home at the end of the night.

Used to work in a shoe shop and this happens ALL the time. When we were crammed to the rafters with back to school shoppers. Not the time to reason with your 3 year old, just grab them and leave!!

it's easier to encourage a child to do things for themselves,

It should be illegal to allow your darling to practice their newly discovered alking up stairs skills in a public place, especially if you block everyone trying to get by with your Be careful, you're in my child's space!

I sometimes bleat at DD when I’m not massively bothered whether she obeys and I want someone else to sort her out. Obviously if I need her to obey immediately I’ll step in. Perhaps your friend was in no rush to leave?

@ChinaBear, I love that! It’s not often you see such honestly on MN. I guess that’s why the bleaters bleat, they hope they attract the attention of someone who can be bothered.

This is definitely normal with my NCT friends. They just say the child's name over and over in a sing song voice, I'm the only grab and go-er

Ah, she may well have been hoping I offered to let him keep the toy. Everything was "MINE" today! But that's one thing I don't do, I don't allow it in my own children and I'm certainly not going to give their toys to others!

I think sometimes people are reluctant to get overly physical/ discipline with a loud voice in front of an audience.

Possibly a result of the over judginess of attachment parents on forums like this 🤷‍♀️

I have scooped and removed my child if asking nicely has failed.
Now they're a little older I threaten things like turning off the WiFi or removing a favourite toy.

This annoys me no end. Many years ago before I had kids my Bil and Sil were staying. I was in the kitchen getting stuff together for breakfast when Bil came in. So I asked him what kind of things his children tended to eat for breakfast to be greeted by a long lecture about how they have brought up their children to be able to make their own decisions and make their own choices and how it wasn't up to him to decide what they wanted. I had only wanted to know if they tended to have cereal or a cooked breakfast to get some idea what I needed! The children were about 3 and 4 years old.

Ah yes, I remember marching out of the shopping centre pretending the kicking screaming biting bundle was nothing more than a rolled up rug.

Not so small bundle has also been picked up and carried many years later when school refusing.

it wasn't up to him to decide what they wanted.

Gads he sounds like a crashing bore.

When my DDs were little I used to love putting them in dungarees, you just lift them at the back like shopping, they get a little ride at the same time. Defuses things.

Another story! We have two adopted children who had a very tough early life. So they didn't get loads of normal parenting and were way behind for their age. I decided pretty early on into this that I wasn't going to wait till DD had decided what colour of socks she would like or wait for DS to tie his own shoes. We got into a routine where I dressed them as if they were toddlers even when they were 8 or 9. They would stick out their foot for the socks and shoes etc. Turns out they have ASD and ADHD as well so I could have been shouting at the bottom of the stairs for a very long time if I had used this 'autonomy' bollocks!!

She definitely wanted you to offer the toy!! 😂

It's called "gentle parenting" and we can't do something until Valentine decides that's what he wants to do, because he is an individual with his own opinions......

Nod and delete mother from NCT group!

Yanbu, but, I think people do this sometimes because they're trying to avoid the dreaded full on screaming tantrum that looks like you're kidnapping them.