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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you would have a baby at 38?

459 replies

quietmoon · 06/05/2019 17:05

I am 38 years old. In a long term stable relationship. I have a 20 year old DS at university. My partner wants a baby next year and whilst I am not against it and do worry that I'll regret it if I don't. I'm also knackered and just want a quiet, somewhat carefree, responsibilty free future to do whatever the heck I like.

Would you start again at 38?

OP posts:
MeanMrMustardSeed · 06/05/2019 17:06

Yes. It’s only a few years of baby / toddler years followed by a lifetime of having another child.

BetsyBigNose · 06/05/2019 17:06

Nope, not a chance in hell.

CitadelsofScience · 06/05/2019 17:06

No I wouldn't. I had my last at coming up 40 and having a teen in your 50's is knackering.

teddytedted · 06/05/2019 17:06

I personally wouldn't if it was me . I couldn't be bothered with parenting all over again . It's personal choice though. Nothing wrong with having a child at 38 I just personally wouldn't want to do it myself x

Fatted · 06/05/2019 17:07

Nope, nope, nope.

I'm 39, my kids are 4 and 6. I couldn't think of anything worse than having another child now. Let alone if my other kids were older! I'm glad all the baby days are behind me.

cowcowsalsa · 06/05/2019 17:07

Yes I am hoping to have one at 39.

ClareSleepy · 06/05/2019 17:08

No I wouldn't especially not if you're after a carefree time. I'd have to be really desperate and sure to have another child.

Sashkin · 06/05/2019 17:08

I had my first at 37 and planning my second at 40 so age itself wouldn’t bother me.

Starting again twenty years later is what would put me off. If I spent all my 20s and 30s parenting I’m not sure I would be volunteering to spend my 40s and 50s doing it as well. One or the other (and I love parenting, but I do want there to be an end in sight).

Missillusioned · 06/05/2019 17:08

I did. But my other children were under the age of 6. So not really starting over

Fatted · 06/05/2019 17:08

Although my SIL had her third at 38. She had a 8 YO and teenager at the time.

AppleKatie · 06/05/2019 17:08

Yes I would. I’m 34 and not ‘done yet’ so 38 doesn’t seem unreasonable at all.

MustBeDueSomeBetterFeet · 06/05/2019 17:08

It doesn't sound from your post that this is something you'd do if not for your partner's wishes.

I see you're not married - how committed is your relationship? Would you want to do it all alone if you had to? What's the financial arrangements between the two of you? Who'd be expected to take parental leave? Whose career would be impacted?

DesparateDino · 06/05/2019 17:09

Nope, I'm 37 and mine are 17 and 12.

My friend is though and she is happy. She is 38.

mogloveseggs · 06/05/2019 17:09

Nope. No way.

ChinaBear · 06/05/2019 17:09

I did - but it was my first so I’d already had 20 years of child free adult life. I’m not sure I’d want to start again if I’d already given up that time to raising kids.

Helmetbymidnight · 06/05/2019 17:09

i did - shes ten next week.

whats the real question here?

mogloveseggs · 06/05/2019 17:10

I'm 39 with a 14 year old and a 7 year old.
Just starting to get my life back.
But everyone is different.

Bluestitch · 06/05/2019 17:10

No. I'm 39 with a 11 and 5 year old and couldn't think of anything worse than going through pregnancy again, let alone the baby/ toddler years.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 06/05/2019 17:10

No!!!! I’m the same age with a ds at university and one doing GCSE’s. No way on earth would I start again. I’ve my life back. I travel several times a year without the kids, I go out for meals, days out and the kids are independent to do what they want, I have an amazing sex life, I do what I want when I want (obviously within reason). So no, nothing would drag me back to a new baby. Thankfully dp does not want children. So we are sorted there.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 06/05/2019 17:11

Yes. In your situation.

Mayalready · 06/05/2019 17:11

I had a ds at 37 and one at 43.

AliTheMinx · 06/05/2019 17:11

No. I had my DS at 33 and found it exhausting. He is my world and I couldn't be without him, but motherhood so full on (and we don't have family nearby to help, so it's DH and I nearly all the time). However, I have several friends who have had children in their late 30s/early 40s and love it (although they each just have one child). My MIL had her fourth baby naturally at 47, which I did find alarming...

Aquamarine1029 · 06/05/2019 17:12

Not a chance in hell. Obviously just my opinion, but WHY would you do this to yourself unless you desperately wanted another child?? You son is an adult now, it's YOUR time to thrive and you're at such a great age to do it! Do you really want a 10 year old when you're 50? All the shite with sleepless nights, school runs, and the constant watching?

Please don't get me wrong, I LOVED having my children, but I had them in my mid-20s. At nearly 40? NO WAY. To be honest, you don't really sound too excited about the prospect, either.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 06/05/2019 17:12

I had mine at 40 but there is no way I would've started again if I already had adult DC's and I was now free.
It's ok that your DP wants a baby but I suspect they won't be the one doing the majority of childcare or taking a career break.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 06/05/2019 17:13

The thing is, we can all say what we want. What our lives are like. But only you can decide if it’s what you want.