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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you would have a baby at 38?

459 replies

quietmoon · 06/05/2019 17:05

I am 38 years old. In a long term stable relationship. I have a 20 year old DS at university. My partner wants a baby next year and whilst I am not against it and do worry that I'll regret it if I don't. I'm also knackered and just want a quiet, somewhat carefree, responsibilty free future to do whatever the heck I like.

Would you start again at 38?

OP posts:
itbemay1 · 06/05/2019 17:13

Nope. Sorry but no way. I'm 43 and youngest is 14 I couldn't start again, I'm thinking about getting rid of them Smile

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 06/05/2019 17:13

No.Im 39 with a 5 yr old and for me it would be too old to be starting all over again.

OKBobble · 06/05/2019 17:13

I had my son at 38. He is 17 now. It actually keeps you younger longer!

BlueMerchant · 06/05/2019 17:13

I definitely wouldn't fancy having to go through it all again at 39+

Hopeygoflightly · 06/05/2019 17:13

I had one at 37 and one at 39 and have absolutely no regrets at all.

tomtom1999xx · 06/05/2019 17:14

I did!
( well, I was 37 )
Easy pregnancy & felt no more knackered than when I had dd at 23.

OKBobble · 06/05/2019 17:14

Also had my first 9 years earlier.

wildthingsinthenight · 06/05/2019 17:14

I did! He was 10 at Christmas Smile

icannotremember · 06/05/2019 17:14

I'll be 38 this year. I've been sterilised as we have 3 and cannot afford more, and dh absolutely does not want any more in any circumstances, but in theory yes. I'd have a baby now. I'd be more tired (the difference between my first at 24 and my third at 33 was surprisingly big in terms of the toll it took on me) but also more experienced. Age is definitely not what's stopping me having more.

DulcieRay · 06/05/2019 17:15

Not a chance...

I think if you've had a kid/kids young then you've done your parenting.

Taswama · 06/05/2019 17:15

I wouldn’t no. Agree with pp that it would be different if you’d been child free in your 20s and 30s but it doesn’t sound like it.

floraloctopus · 06/05/2019 17:15

I would, mine were teenagers in my 50s and it's fine.

allworthwhile · 06/05/2019 17:15

Did you mean to be sound so rude?

For some people, a baby at 38, 39, 40 is the only chance they get.

Hmm
PamelaX · 06/05/2019 17:15

I'd much rather have a child at 38 than 18 to be honest!

Most of my friends had their kids in their late 30s early 40s, works really well and it was the ideal age. It's about YOUR life though, so without knowing all your circumstances, no one can tell you.

Levatrice · 06/05/2019 17:16

I think you’ve already answered your own question

EverythingNow · 06/05/2019 17:16

I'm 39 and 27wks pregnant with my 4th. My eldest is 18, my younger 2 are 8 and 9. I suppose the difference is I wanted more and would have liked a fourth about 5yrs ago, took a while for DH to want too, and then took 19m to fall and stay pregnant.

I feel the healthiest and happiest I have in all my pregnancies (so far).

Ohyesiam · 06/05/2019 17:16

I had my first at 38 and my second at 40. It was exactly right for me. I found the second pregnancy hard and could have slept 15 hours a day, but I had a toddler....
Both natural births. I’ve always been quite health conscious in terms of being veggie and not using synthetic chemicals in cosmetics/ household stuff, and was moderately fit, but not super fit.

I’m on my fifties now and they are young teens. It’s been fine so far, they need much less from me now.

My partner is a very good hands on dad.

BikeRunSki · 06/05/2019 17:16

I has my dc at 37 and 40. That in itself wasn’t a problem, but I wouldn’t want to start again if I’d already been child rearing for 20 years.

PamelaX · 06/05/2019 17:16

calm down allworthwhile there's nothing rude here.
The OP was obviously a very young mum, she is allowed to ask a question to people having different experience.

User12879923378 · 06/05/2019 17:17

I had my first at 41 and am loving every moment of it, but that was after a relatively carefree 30s, so I didn't have anything left to do (as it were) and the only thing I still desperately wanted was to be a parent. I don't know if it's the same trade-off if you've already had a child relatively early.

Welliesandpyjamas · 06/05/2019 17:17

I had my third at 36. The pregnancy and the baby tiredness felt much harder than with the first 2 dc. That may have been due to looking after three, not sure, but I certainly felt older. No regrets, though.

DowntonCrabby · 06/05/2019 17:18

Only as a first or closely following sibling. In your position I’d be done with my one adult DC.

A hundred MNers could tell you “no way” or “absolutely” though OP but only you know how you’ll cope/feel.

Liz38 · 06/05/2019 17:18

I did! But she's my only so it's not starting again. I'm not having another though... I'm 47 now and even if I could I definitely wouldn't Grin

User12879923378 · 06/05/2019 17:19

I am usually really irritated by the "Too old to have a baby at 35?" type posts which is what I initially thought this was, but I think this is more about having already had a baby 20 years ago than about age. (At least, I'm suspending my irritation on that basis.)

Sierra259 · 06/05/2019 17:19

If it was my first, or if I had other young DC and wanted another, then yes I probably would. With an adult DC already, no way! Your circumstances would put me off more than the age! However, I do know people who started over with babies with their eldest DC in their mid-late teens, so it obviously doesn't bother some people. How do YOU feel about another baby?