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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you would have a baby at 38?

459 replies

quietmoon · 06/05/2019 17:05

I am 38 years old. In a long term stable relationship. I have a 20 year old DS at university. My partner wants a baby next year and whilst I am not against it and do worry that I'll regret it if I don't. I'm also knackered and just want a quiet, somewhat carefree, responsibilty free future to do whatever the heck I like.

Would you start again at 38?

OP posts:
Sarell1967 · 08/05/2019 11:42

Im 51 with 4 boys. 8, 21, 25 and 28.
Im also a lone parent with the last one.

Im more chilled than i was with the first batch.

It was quite tiring to start but like i said i was doing it all alone.
I had a c section with him but i had gestational diabetes. Because of my size.

I went into pregnancy 19 stone and came out 17. Lol.

Wixi · 08/05/2019 13:38

I had my one and only DD at 40 and wouldn't be without her.

FookMeFookYou · 08/05/2019 13:52

I managed to have my much wanted 2nd child at 36 (now they are 9 and 16 months) and I'm absolutely shattered. Son has SEN which makes things more difficult but having a boisterous toddler and nearing 40, well I feel like I'm nearing 60. Sooo v v tired 💤

Jencottage · 08/05/2019 13:53

I'm 41 and having one on 4 days Smile

Kathygnome · 08/05/2019 14:09

No way. Not because of the age, as we were 40 and 43 respectively when we had our daughter, but because you've already done that and deserve some time in your life when you're not parenting.

tinydon · 08/05/2019 14:26

For me it’s a very definite no but I am not you and it’s a very personal choice as it effects the rest of your life. 💐

Pigwig10 · 08/05/2019 16:09

I had my first at 35, second at 37 and my youngest at 39. Granted, the last one was a bloody shock bit of a surprise. I am knackered most of the time. I honestly don’t think I would start again after 20 years though Confused

jwpetal · 08/05/2019 16:15

I had my 3 between 38 - 41. I am not 50. I am an active person and don't mind the activity. I see it as keeping me healthy and young.

However, I have recently lost a parent and another is very ill. both are 77. When I thought about how old my kids would be when I was 77, I felt really sad. Just a thought. how old will you be. is there dementia etc. or maybe this is me thinking to far ahead and really you should enjoy life.

lubeybooby · 08/05/2019 16:18

'I'm also knackered and just want a quiet, somewhat carefree, responsibilty free future to do whatever the heck I like'

This is me now at 38 and I'm enjoying it so much, all my broodiness is gone

I had my dd very young and shes 23 this year. I always thought I'd have 2 or 3 more but it's an absolute no for me now.

TrixieFatell · 08/05/2019 16:35

I had my third at 38, following quite a large age gap, I’m knackered but I love it. Would do it all again too

omione · 08/05/2019 16:45

I wouldn't but my best friend had one at 40 then another at 42 just to keep her man, didnt work, now she is pissed off with herself as she has no life, she had her first batch in her early to late 20s. She feels as though her whole has been wasted

Deadpoet · 08/05/2019 16:47

I had my last. Hold when I was 37. It’s exhausing. My eldest is just about to sit A levels. The next one down GCSE’s. The third is now at secondary school and there I am STILL standing in a primary school playground. I worked out when my son goes into secondary I will have been doing the primary school run for 17 YEARS!
😭

pomers · 08/05/2019 17:42

No. I think it may be different if you had never had a child and really wanted one. But I wouldn’t start again at 38

EverythingComesBackToYou · 09/05/2019 15:49

If I was childless at 38 them yes I probably would. But I had one at 30 and now know how much hard work it is. I'm 37 now and can't imagine doing that whole baby thing all over again. One is most definitely enough for me and I'm looking forward to DH and I enjoying life a bit more now that DS is a little less demanding on our time.

DonkeyHohtay · 09/05/2019 15:52

I would. I had my kids at 30, 32 and 36.

But I didn't already have a 20 year old. I can see why OP is reluctant to go back and start it all over again.

TheDarkPassenger · 09/05/2019 15:54

I’ve got three between 4 and 11 at 29 years old so not for me, no. I don’t want anymore at all now, I wouldn’t start again for anything. But if I hadn’t had these lot then absolutely no issue, it’s the starting all over again I’m not really feeling.

DesperadoDan · 09/05/2019 16:03

Yes, without a doubt. I wasted the last of my fertile years with an idiot (I’m 43) I now have no time to meet somebody, settle and have another child.
The clocks ticking.

Drogosnextwife · 09/05/2019 16:11

I've been told I will have a baby at 38 by a psychic 😂. I will have a 20 year old and a 15 year old by then so I think it's very unlikely. I've always had a niggle to have a third child but said that if I don't have another by 30 I wouldn't because I would like to have adult alone time at some point in my life. I'm 30 next year and circumstances just are not right for a baby, especially both of us being self employed and only having a 2 bedroom house. If I had the space I would have one now but not at 38, when my children are basically grown ups.

IHaveNoIdeaReally · 09/05/2019 16:16

I'm 38 and pregnant. I didn't meet the right person until my mid thirties.

Ifeelbloodyawful · 09/05/2019 16:27

No! I have a DC3 (years) and DC4 (months). I'm 35. I'm done. I personally wouldn't want to have left it any later and certainly won't be having a 3rd!

bibbitybobbityyhat · 09/05/2019 16:28

I wouldn't try for a baby unless I was 100% certain that I wanted a child or another child.

flumposie · 09/05/2019 16:30

Had my one and only child at 38

U2HasTheEdge · 09/05/2019 16:43

Hell no! I have five. I am nearly 38 and my oldest is soon to be 20 and my youngest is 10. I no longer do school runs and they all so much more independent so life is much easier. When the younger two get a bit older I will be going away for weekends etc and having the fun I didn't have as a teen/ early adult.

The thought of going back makes me feel a bit ill.

Ispywithmycynicaleye · 09/05/2019 17:00

I had a DD last year age 37, I'm due again this summer, I'll be 38 when baby comes. I also have DS 20 and DD 19.

I'm loving every minute of being mummy again!

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/05/2019 17:20

I had number 3 at 40 - a surprise - with a 10 year gap. I don't feel we've had to particularly give anything up. If we want to do something we plan it. I was calmer and a better mum at 40 than I was at 30. Older DCs doted on number3 and still do. Best thing that ever happened.