To ask if you would have a baby at 38?

[quietmoon]

I am 38 years old. In a long term stable relationship. I have a 20 year old DS at university. My partner wants a baby next year and whilst I am not against it and do worry that I'll regret it if I don't. I'm also knackered and just want a quiet, somewhat carefree, responsibilty free future to do whatever the heck I like.

Would you start again at 38?

I'm 32 my kids are 6 and 12. And no way would I start again now. Happily sterilised. So glad now I'm on my own again that it's clearly never an option for me. I know so many women that have another for the new partner. Not for me

No way! I'm 37 and done with babies! My sister however is expecting any day now at the age of 46!

And I think some people are totally missing the point of this thread.

The question is really about starting all over again when you've already raised a child, rather than having your first at 38. Totally different scenarios and not patronising or rude at all.

VladmirsPoutine

I thought I explained- it's about being tied down with kids. Yes I had my kids at 38 and 49, but before that I was a free spirit, travel, career, lots of time to consider only myself.

I think it is good to spend some of your adult life without the responsibility of children, whether you have kids early then hav eyour adult time starting in your 30s, or if you have them later- as I did and had two decades of child free adult life.

To have a child early in life and then to start all over again after 20 years would not appeal to me, that's nearly 40 years of childrearing responsibilities- too much in one lifetime in my book!

Wow, good luck to your sis, Margot. Will it be her first baby?

I had mine at that age, so no worries on that score, but no way would I be starting over with the eldest flown the nest!

I had my daughter (my only child) at 38. It was knackering but that's probably true at any age! It doesn't sound like you are particularly enthusiastic about doing it all again though.

Had my last at 42. Don't regret a moment, some days I could happily nap when she does but mostly it's fab

I think the best way to think about it is imagine yourself in 20 years time. Would you regret never having another one? Would it bother you that you had the chance and you didn’t? If it would bother you and you’d regret it I think you should consider it. If you genuinely wouldn’t mind and are happy as you are then that’s your answer. Fwiw I’m currently pg and 38 later this year. I have a dd who is 8. It feels scary going back to the baby days and feels like I’m regressing back to a phase that I thought I had got done and dusted, but I don’t feel too old for it. But then there’s a difference between an 8 yo and an adult child.

Nope. Not with a 20 yo already raised I suppose it might be different if I had a younger child but even then by the time they're 18 you'll be almost 60. No thanks not for me.

Hmmm, I think it depends. I'm 40 and have 3 DC, 22,15 and 10 months.

No regrets from me about starting again. However, my youngest is an incredibly easy baby, my DP is very hands on, the older ones adore the baby (eldest is very willing baby sitter!), and I have a fairly flexible job.

All these things help.

I had my last at 38 and I knew that he would be my last even though it was a quick and easy birth and he was a very easy baby. The idea of starting again is horrific to me.

The one thing that marriage and babies have in common is that neither should be a means to keep a partner. If you don't wholeheartedly and enthusiastically want a baby, for the love of all that's holy don't get pregnant. If your partner is pressuring you, then I'd question the relationship to be honest. And if he would leave if I refused to have another baby then I'd have to let him.

I'm 42 with a 21 and a 2 year old. I wouldn't change my toddler for the world but my God it is hard work. And knowing I will have a 15 year old at 55 could make me sob. We were having lots of lovely holidays and times out, that has all stopped, I love her to pieces and wouldn't of made a different decision but it is fucking hard some days.

To have a child early in life and then to start all over again after 20 years would not appeal to me, that's nearly 40 years of childrearing responsibilities- too much in one lifetime in my book!

I understand now speakout. I'm much of the same opinion.

There's no right answer to this - it really does wholly depend on individual circumstances. Are you financially stable and in a job that will allow decent maternity leave and is conducive to having a young child? Is your dp going to be equally parenting or one of those men who quite fancies bring a parent but who won't change their own lives to do their fair share? What is childcare provision like where you live? Do you have a support system?
Personally, unless I really wanted a baby, the negatives would outweigh the positives. Imho you should desperately want to have a child before you have one - you shouldn't do it just for your partner.

I did it at 43, fine, absolutely fine.

I'm in a slightly different situation in that we tried and tried and it never happened (DH has 2 children already I have looked after since they were 10 and 11) so we adopted when in our mid 40s. They were 3.5 and 18mths so not 'babies' as such. It was hard going from zero to toddlers but wouldn't change it for the world. At least we didn't have to deal with too much sleep deprivation and recovery from the birth etc.

Have you and your partner considered adoption?

Personally I would rather stick pins in my eyes. But then my dc are 16 and 6 and I am so done with having babies, plus my physical health is quite poor and I would worry I would be putting myself at risk - both through the actual pregnancy etc and also long term through stress etc.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with someone having a baby in their late 30s or even to mid 40s as long as they’re in good health and can provide for the baby. I know the good health bit is judgy of me but as someone who is disabled myself I know how bloody hard it is trying to cope with babies and toddlers when you’re unwell yourself.

Absolutely no chance.

No way, back to square one, sleepless nights,nappies, potty training, playgroup, starting school, exams stress. OMG can’t think of anything more insane.

You don’t sound keen and to be honest you have to be fully committed to a child at whatever age you are.
I had my youngest in my forties but I had had four other before. It is hard when ur older.

I had DD3 at 40 and DS2 at 42. I now have a 21yr age gap between DS1 and DS2 with the three DD's in the middle. Would do it all again

I had my three at 36, 38, and 41. But to start again when your eldest has grown up? I think going back to the baby years would be very hard, I had my freedom in my 20s and 30s, and I can understand you wanting yours now. I guess it depends if you want another child (or more!), you could easily have another 2 or 3 pregnancies and have a a very different experience of parenthood to last time if your DP is a good involved father.

But, I notice he's a partner, if you decide to have kids with this man get married first.

No. I’ve been there and done it.

I like my life the way it is now, I’m still young enough to live a bit. Plus I wouldn’t want to be trying to parent and guide a teenager/young adult in my mid-fifties to sixties.

I'm almost 35 and can't decide if I want another.

My youngest is 8 so old enough to start being independent.

TBH it's the school runs that put me off most 😒