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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you would have a baby at 38?

459 replies

quietmoon · 06/05/2019 17:05

I am 38 years old. In a long term stable relationship. I have a 20 year old DS at university. My partner wants a baby next year and whilst I am not against it and do worry that I'll regret it if I don't. I'm also knackered and just want a quiet, somewhat carefree, responsibilty free future to do whatever the heck I like.

Would you start again at 38?

OP posts:
Neolara · 06/05/2019 17:20

I don't think 38 is remotely old to have a baby. However, I might think twice about starting again at 38 if I already had a 20yo. It would mean spending parenting an under 18 for a total of 36 years - pretty much all your adult life! There might be other things I'd like to do that would be incompatible with children.

Rangeloaf · 06/05/2019 17:20

I’m not really sure being 38 has much to do with it as that’s a perfectly normal age to have a child. I had my only at 37 and was happy with that.

It’s just to do with it you want a child at this stage in your life surely and no one else can answer that

GrimDamnFanjo · 06/05/2019 17:22

Is it a dealbreaker for your partner?
Do you want his child?
Will he marry you providing you and his child with security?

This is not really about age it's about the circumstances. If you are ambivalent and he really wants to be a dad - and an equal parent I'd agree.
If it's more of a no from you then don't but be prepared that he may find another if his desire for a child is strong.

Gre8scott · 06/05/2019 17:23

Yes if my husband would let me

PamelaX · 06/05/2019 17:24

technically, would you like to have a baby and a grand-child at the same time?

That's more the issue here, rather than a perfectly average baby at 38.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 06/05/2019 17:24

Yes OP is talking about having done the baby, child and teen stage and now starting again. It’s different if it’s your first child, but that’s not what OP is asking.

Elliesmommy · 06/05/2019 17:24

I had my first at 33 , second at 34 and this is our 3rd and last due in July I'll be 36. I'm so knackered this time. Maybe it's because I have a 3 year old and 20mth old but I'm finished mainly because the older i get the harder the pregnancies get.

EThreepwood · 06/05/2019 17:24

Nope! I'm planning on stopping so I have adult children by 50 and I can enjoy my later years travelling then saga travelling

speakout · 06/05/2019 17:25

NO.

And I had my first baby at 38, second at 40.

But you have already had a child 20 years ago, so have spent most of your adult life caring for a child.
If you have another that is a total of 40 years having a child.

I would be grasping my freedom with both hands and enjoying life without a little one around.

nickyXjayno · 06/05/2019 17:25

Problem you have is if you're partner has never had children and you two are set in stone to grow old together then he's missed out on a massive thing in life. So if this is a massive desire of his to be a father then you either need to walk away so he can have that chance or have a child with him.
I absolutely love being a mother and it's not something I could not have gone through life not experiencing. It's not something I could ever deny someone either. Set him free if it's the same for him.

bamboofibre · 06/05/2019 17:25

NFW! I had my last at nearly 38. I am now 50 and knackered. He's also got autism, and there's increasing evidence this might be correlated to advanced age in parents. I wouldn't chance it.

HalfBloodPrincess · 06/05/2019 17:26

I had my first two at 22 and 23, and my third at 36. I’ve found it a lot easier the second time around.

I was 38 last week and my 4th is due in a few weeks!

GrimDamnFanjo · 06/05/2019 17:26

@nickyXjayno said what I meant more clearly!

LouRinging · 06/05/2019 17:27

Personally no, but every person has what they find ok.

For me and DH we had cut offs of 35, because we both had friends with older parents and their views/experiences put us off. That's not to say it's not ok for other people, we just decided for us it wasn't.

YouBumder · 06/05/2019 17:27

The age wouldn’t put me off but the age gap would

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/05/2019 17:28

Not with such an older DC no way

BowiesJumper · 06/05/2019 17:28

Nobody else has your life, so they can’t really comment!
I’m 38 and pregnant with my second, so you know my answer! Smile

DaisyYellow · 06/05/2019 17:28

Personally I would if I was in a stable relationship, however “I'm also knackered and just want a quiet, somewhat carefree, responsibilty free future to do whatever the heck I like“, doesn’t really fit in with being a mother to a young child.

Dippypippy1980 · 06/05/2019 17:28

No. Because I get tired much easier now, and I need a good nights sleep, and I can’t imagine paying for university when I am sixty - I plan to be retired!!

But that’s me - only you know if it’s right for you

Bluerussian · 06/05/2019 17:29

No - but that's me, others would. I hope you make the right decision for you. Good luck x.

bamboofibre · 06/05/2019 17:29

I am really enjoying the increased freedom as mine have grown and wouldn't want to give that up.

leomama81 · 06/05/2019 17:29

I'm 37 and pregnant and will give birth at 38. It is my first though, and while many of my friends have also done the same at this age I can appreciate it's not the years on you so much as the doing it all over again.

Ellie56 · 06/05/2019 17:29

I didn't start again, but I had my youngest child at 38.

AJPTaylor · 06/05/2019 17:30

I had a baby at 39. Older ones were 13 And 10. One thing I would say that I didn't really think about. I didn't think about "starting again" in terms of babyhood. I am now 51 and am still thinking about school catchment and term time hols. A bit of me thinks that I will only have a few years between her being an adult and retirement.

Babyroobs · 06/05/2019 17:30

I had my last of four at 38. She's 14 now and I'm totally knackered !

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