What do you really think of people who are quiet?

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I am very quiet and have always received negative comments about it mainly from family.
Awkward/ disinterested/ gormless are some of the "nicer" things that have been said to me.

What do people really think about quiet people? Do you really think that it's awkward if we end up sitting next to you at a wedding? Do you think we're being rude because we aren't speaking much?

If you find quiet people boring, Boomsk, maybe that's your problem not theirs.

How interesting can you find someone who is sitting silently?

I am an introvert and fairly quiet but I make conversation when appropriate - like sitting next to someone at a wedding. I don't think it is ok to put your personal preference to be silent and observe above everything else - just don't go to social events if you don't want to.

Well I've sat next to non-speaking/quiet rocks before and they weren't particularly engaging, so no I don't think it's my problem per se.......

What do you really think of people who are quiet?

To be fair I don't know many. I work with one quiet person and they are really nice. We chat occasionally but I respect they are an introvert and don't push conversation. I do think that they will not move their career on in our particular place of work as they don't form relationships and network. Maybe they don't want to and that is obviously fine.

The only time I think negatively, is when I am at a meal or similar and the set up is such that you can only really talk to the person either side of you and one of the people is almost silent. One word answers to questions designed to initiate conversation fills me with dread as the person on the other side is merrily chatting away to someone else and I am sat there bored. Usually I move at the first opportunity to sit with people who are happy to chat.

Settlersofcatan

How interesting can you find someone who is sitting silently?

I am an introvert and fairly quiet but I make conversation when appropriate - like sitting next to someone at a wedding

Well, quite. I know it's an old-fashioned thought but sometimes you have to sing for your supper. My husband is very shy and would sit through a wedding reception staring at his plate, so I find myself chattering away to try to make up for that.
He tells me that I'm excellent at talking to strangers. I may or may not be (God knows - they're probably all going off to the loos and slitting their wrists rather than endure another second of my "repartee") but, since he doesn't speak, I feel the onus is on me to talk for both of us.
Maybe it's a bit selfish to excuse oneself for reasons of shyness and just expect all those lucky, super-confident folk* to carry the day.

*Most of whom coughmecough feel jolly shy but don't want to spoil things for others.

My personality type is ISTJ so I unintentionally come off as cold, distant and standoffish especially when I meet new people. The fact I have resting b*tch face doesn't help matters either. I don't talk much but that is because I am always thinking. From my personal experience, people tend to avoid me purely from their first impressions of me. My point is that just because some people who appear to be quiet may come across negatively to you at first doesn't mean you should automatically write them off as a bad person and I encourage you to have a conversation with them. Who knows. You may end up with an incredibly nice friend who is fiercely loyal and intends to be your partner in crime in a nursing home with a view to having said home on lockdown twenty four seven due to all the mischief you both will create. I'm definitely that oddball of a friend! 😁

My enjoyment of DH's Christmas parties depends very much on who I've ended up sitting next to. It's a geeky, technical industry so if DH gets into work conversation with a colleague, by GCSE in physics is insufficient to help me follow that. Some years I'm by someone where we can get conversation flowing which is enjoyable. If I get stuck by someone who doesn't really talk, it's an excruitating 3 hours which leaves me wondering why on earth we coughed up money for a babysitter.

What I have learned it's fine to confess to a small talk casual aquaintance that you've forgotten their name, and the chances are they'll be relieved of the chance to relearn yours because they forgot too.

From years of supply teaching and baby groups I know people from all over the county. I seem to be easily recognisable, but find it hard to place people out of context, and it's just easier to be honest about it and no one has visibly taken umbrage over it yet. It's much better than when I stewed along trying to work it out in my head. I also find it better to be honest that my hearing isn't great and that I struggle with background noise.

I assume quiet people are either shy or just don't like to use a lot of words. I have friends like this and they're just as entertaining as my louder friends. I would worry I was leaving them out if they were too quiet, but that can be addressed with a quiet question to check they're happy with how the social interactions are going.

I sometimes wish I was quiet. But alas I am a gobby cow. Embrace your quiet you.

I definitely wouldn’t think a quiet person was gormless, but I do think it’s a bit rude if you’re next to someone at something like a wedding or formal dinner and they won’t contribute to conversation at all. Even outgoing, sociable people don’t relish making small talk with strangers, but we all just have to suck it up to be polite.

I'd rather be with a quiet person than someone who doesn't know when to bloody shut up!

I have a couple of colleagues who just never, ever stop talking and it's unbelievably frustrating - you're not that interesting so put a bloody sock in it!

But why do they go to social events if they don't want to be social

I can only speak for myself here, but I know I've been to many events planning and wanting to be social but I've just failed on the night.

I know I'm quiet and not socially skilled, so I prepare in advance. I note down conversation starters (general things, what's been in the news, etc), think about who might be there and what I might talk to them about and set a goal of talking to x number of new people. Sometimes it goes well. The atmosphere, people and amount of alcohol I've had perfectly combine and I have some good conversations and laughs. Other times nothing is working I'm just the awkward freak from hell and believe me, I know it. It's not a purposeful thing.

To anyone who's had to talk to me and been bored out of their brain, I'm genuinely sorry. If it's any consolation, I lay awake at night cringing replaying those interactions in my head for years/decades.

And I have insomnia so when I say I lie there cringing, it can be for the full 8 hours. I can get up in the morning having not slept a wink but spent the entire night cringing over the time I told x person a boring story and then couldn't think of anything else to say.

NottonightJosepheen

Depends what you mean by quiet. I think of quiet people as people that aren’t the first to jump into conversation or not the first to answer/ask every question. But they still have something to say if asked/they get a chance to speak. Usually amazing things about holidays/experiences - just not shouting it from the rooftops.
If I was sat next to someone that didn’t speak much at all, then that would be hard work at a wedding, but I find most people have something to say if they have space to speak and you are interested and smile a lot.

I’m quiet, I’ve been told I come across as aloof and disinterested, and it couldn’t be further from the truth, in my case, and I can only speak for myself, I always for some reason feel that the other person won’t be interested in me, so I act disinterested so I can’t be hurt, which sounds ridiculous I know! I also talk very fast and am aware of it, so that makes me self conscious.
I would love to be like most others I know, where socialising comes easy!
My friend said I’m the one she has to explain to others in the first meeting, by saying justpondering comes across a certain way but that’s not the way she is!
I’m just happy that the friends I have (and I keep friends, most close friends have been over 10 year friendships) decided to look beyond the initial awkwardness!
I am fine I’m situations where there’s a reason for the convo, like talking to teachers etc. It’s small talk I struggle with! I panic and think “oh they’re only asking that because they should, not really interested” I overthink clearly. I always worry and wish I wasn’t this way. I would love to be the person happy in their own skin, chatting to anyone about anything, but I freeze. It’s actually painful.
I’m absolutely fine once I know people, it’s just acquaintances, which is a shame because these people could become friends! and I know it’s me!

I'd rather be stuck on a bus/ train/ plane with an introvert. than an extrovert who never stopped prattling on.

I don't judge. I used to be quiet, but consciously adopted an extrovert friends traits as it got me negative comments & passed over at work. I'm now always described as extrovert & popular but it wears me out as its still an effort not being my real self. I find quiet people lighten up, relax and do better one to one and I still prefer that too, but I can fake it in groups, which still make me really anxious.

I have to kind of make myself not natter on now, being basically housebound and seeing another human maybe once a month at most. If I find myself in a social situation, which is increasingly rare, I have to stop myself babbling on and on. People underestimate the massive effect loneliness can have. I guess if I met say an old friend for the first time in years they would go away assuming I'm a loud, obnoxious person because out would bubble all the words I wish I was saying everyday when in reality I'm just sitting completely alone.

Small talk also becomes very difficult if you do nothing. If I met a stranger they'd struggle with small talk with me as what can I say. What did you do last week? Literally nothing. Next week? Nothing. Holidays? Not had one since a child, unable to do one now. No children or partner to talk about. I'm a literal waste of space as a human and while I'd love to chat to people it's very hard when you have nothing to offer.

I think people come across as they do, quiet, loud, introverted, extroverted, for so many more reasons than just personality or choice or shyness or arrogance or anything. For example if I did meet someone in the street and had a chat, they might think me rude as I'd have to cut a chat short because physically I can't stand very long. My joints mean I struggle to be in any position for long so even sitting for a good long chat is very painful. My family struggle to understand this, they would probably describe me as shy as I don't talk for long (or more likely a shy complainer) simply because I need to lie down for a while after sitting for too long. If I met people in a pub or public place with music and chatter the people with me might describe me as quiet and dim because I really struggle to hear individual sounds when lots is going on. There is only so many times you can ask people to repeat things before it gets rude and annoying.

I am and always have been a quiet person.I have been accused of being anti-social in the past.

He’s just a twat.

And there you have it. A perfect display of the sort of attitude towards introvert/shy/quiet people. You know people don't just "grow out of it" right?

This thread has been really interesting.
There seems to be a lot of people who are irritated/ frustrated by it and personally I really am not being quiet on purpose. I would love to be able to be more chatty but I actually have social anxiety which you wouldn't know because it's not something I divulge to people. So you'd just be judging me for a hidden mental health issue I have.

I might come across as someone who is aloof / rude or whatever but it's a massive struggle for me. I want to participate alot more in social situations but it can be very very hard. You would never know. You would think I'm just quiet. The anxiety I feel is all in my head with a million thought going on inside. To the outside world I look calm and quiet on purpose.

It's been an eye opener