What do you really think of people who are quiet?

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I am very quiet and have always received negative comments about it mainly from family.
Awkward/ disinterested/ gormless are some of the "nicer" things that have been said to me.

What do people really think about quiet people? Do you really think that it's awkward if we end up sitting next to you at a wedding? Do you think we're being rude because we aren't speaking much?

My husband is very very quiet but the strange thing is that I didn't notice until we had been together for a couple of years because he always talked to me presumably because he felt a connection that he didn't with other people.

It's fine. We sit in companionable silence a lot of the time and talk if we feel like it.

My daughter is very very quiet to the point where it is problematic. She struggles to answer when spoken to as she says she forms the words in her head but just can't make them come out. And when she does speak, she always has to repeat herself several times before anyone can hear her. I know it frustrates people, and it frustrates her too.

Being loud is not a negative trait. Sure if you're abnoxious or rude but even quiet ppl can be like that. It's not something unique to loud people.

In social situations I don't think it's rude if people don't speak much, but I do think it's rude if people don't make an effort at conversation. If you don't want to speak much that's fine, all the more reason to ask some open questions of other people so they can do the talking.
So basically just because someone who can't cope without constantly talking is present we all have to pander to their need?

My husband is not much of a talker whereas I am quite social and outgoing. I do find it hard at times because he is not good at small talk and I do think he can come across as rude, aloof or uninterested. I know he is none of these things but I don't think other people always realise it. Especially as most people in my family and friendship groups are quite outgoing and enjoy conversation and having a laugh. I have to stop myself from "explaining" or apologising for him because that is just how he is and there isn't anything wrong with it.

I'm another who's very quiet.

I just feel if I have nothing interesting or relevant to say then there's no point in interacting.

I feel I am capable of holding a conversation with someone when I have something to useful to add to the discussion, but I hate just doing meaningless small talk and chit chat.

The world is organised by and for extroverts. From the moment babies become socialised gregariousness is praised and encouraged. People completely fail to understand the difference between being an introvert and being shy or unconfident and assume the latter is a problem to be fixed or a personality trait to be overcome.

I am not shy. I am confident. I adore public speaking. But I am VERY introverted. People exhaust me and I do not like socialising in groups. But outgoing people don't understand that at all. They usually can't see beyond their own experiences.

I do think extremely quiet people can be socially awkward, it can be really hard work to try and engage with quiet people sometimes. I am lucky to be quite confident and have no problem going into new situations etc but I find it is quite draining when you meet someone new (and presumably they are in the same situation because they want to meet people too ) and they make no effort to engage in social chit chat or answer questions with just a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and make no effort to ask any questions back.

There’s nothing exactly ‘wrong’ with being quiet but it can be hard work for the other person in a social situation- is; sitting next to someone at a wedding or joining a group and then making no attempt to get involved.

I am an introvert unless it is at planned events which I limit as I find them hard work, so by nature I am quiet. I love being around quiet people. I find their presence calming in such a hectic life. I have a very quiet friend who has a long history of MH problems so I do always ask her how she is and send her messages every week or so to see if she is OK and she let's me know when she isn't and we either arrange a coffee, speak on the phone or send messages. In my experience people sometimes think I am lonely or sad but for me I am very content with a small social circle and enjoy watching life and what's going on around them. I wouldn't be worrying what others are thinking. Chances are they are thinking of mundane, normal things.

To be truthful with you, I quite like quiet people, there is nothing worse than someone who talks for talking sake and therefore spouts a load of rubbish. Sometimes you need quiet to get you thoughts together. And quiet people give chatter boxes a chance to let it all out without interrupting. There is a lot of benefits to being a quiet person so don’t underestimate yourself. To many people you are a godsend.

No that’s not what she’s saying friar. A personal n that’s too quiet though becomes as irksome as the person that’s too loud. The ebb and flow of conversation doesn’t work. You have to pick up the slack for the introvert as much as you have to downplay the extrovert.

I think sitting in companionable silence with someone you know well is fine. But making small talk with quiet people can be very difficult. And actually small talk is very important as a social lubricant, we use it to get to know people and form friendships and bonds outside our family groups.

I find quiet people really hard to spend time with. I can break the ice etc but if there's still nothing coming back then I can't really see the point in pursuing something that is making them feel uncomfortable and will likely move onto someone who is not making me second guess the reason they don't speak.

Difference between shy and disinterested. ..

No problem of people aren't garrulous. ...

But I find it absolutely shit when you're forced to be next to people at weddings/parties and people don't make ANY effort to keep convo going.....I'm not a performing dog....you can make a BIT of effort....saying how lovely the bride looks/how you've know the groom since infinfants etc etc

I like quiet people. There's a difference between being quiet and not being able to hold a conversation. I like people who read, notice the world around them and are interesting once I get to know them.

However the type of quiet that ignores your hello and won't talk will make people think rudeness or special needs. You can't give much energy to someone who refuses to engage.

There's no conversation to be had where you have a pile of loudmouths shouting over each other and not listening. If you're around a group like that who expect you to yell into the air with them...find better people to spend time with.

People shouldn't be insulting you because you're quiet. Don't spend time with people like that. Do your own thing. Build your confidence and find people you like, who support you, share your interests and humour.

The ppl saying they don't have a problem with quiet ppl seem to have personal experience of it or know a close friend/ family who.is quiet.

People who say they avoid social chit chat & prefer more ‘meaningful’ conversations, but how do you get to know someone new if you don’t engage in social chit chat first? . For example at a wedding if you are sitting next to someone you have never met before surely the norm is to start with a few social niceties and then hopefully you both find something of mutual interest to discuss and the conversation goes from there? The same when you join a new group or take part in an activity/committee/social event etc?

I’ve moved home a lot and if I hadn’t engaged in social chit chat first I would never have made any new friends.

OMFG. Just reading some of the responses on here 100% validates my earlier post.

Extroverts literally can't cope with quiet people and decide they're rude or not making the effort or should behave like some sort of social sponge for ego maniacs to spout their incessant chatter at!

And they think quiet people are rude! They literally won't let someone be themselves but instead demand they behave in a way that's acceptable to THEM.

I don't mind quiet people, mainly because I talk to everyone & easily make conversation with even the most quiet people 😀 but whether or not they like me, you'd have to ask them 😂

My children and I are all quiet so it's great, I like quiet people I find people who are full on hard work tbh.
I come from a family that aren't quiet though so I am considered boring. My Dad used to ring me and say "I'm bored so I thought I'd phone the most boring person I know which is obviously you"
I'm actually not boring at all, I have plenty of interests, I'm an avid reader, it's more that my interests are quiet interests that don't appear interesting to my family.

I am not overly quiet when comfortable, but I am quiet in situations where I'm uncertain. I also don't make small talk, I find it excruciating to discuss things just for the sake of noise and am happier in silence. Though there is a middle ground.

To those that have had said about how rude it is to not make the effort, I actually find it quite rude of people who constantly expect someone to be uncomfortable because they don't like how I am. If I am quiet by nature why should I be forced into being uncomfortable by you just because that's what you want? Why don't you make yourself uncomfortable for me and stop bleating in about grandads second cousins wife's auntie who has gall stones... because I really have nothing to say about it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Nothing worse than being quiet in nature and being forced to speak up and join in.

Noone ever gets asked " why do you talk so much?"

I have asked this. To DS especially! Kids who can't control their mouths & shout out of turn get heavily reprimanded in primary schools, while plenty of school reports lament kids who won't stop talking & start listening. There are plenty of threads on here about kids who don't STFU exhausting their parents, and even annoying work colleagues who never stop yammering.

There are whole proverbs about the merits of quiet over talkative.

I know there are lots of legitimate reasons that people are v quiet but I'm afraid I do find it a bit rude.

Whereas quiet people should be pursued and worked at to get some attempt of a conversation out of them? Don't nobody got time for that at a wedding or whatever, when you'll likely never see them again.

i have quiet friends, my partner is sparing in his conversation- I don't think social niceties = ego maniacs.

Imagine a wedding where there was zero background chatter? Or group work on a course where nobody spoke or took the lead? It's pretty rude to expect people to make all the effort while you make none (IMO)

I was a shy child and now have two shy children (as well as 3 chatty ones) and make a point of never ever making negative comments about it,or allowing other people to do so. When I say other people I mostly mean my mother,as she used to do it to me and of course bringing attention to a shy person's shyness just makes them feel more shy and awkward.
As for my friends,most of them are quite loud,but I have a couple of friends who are quite quiet and I appreciate their company just as much because they are quite calming,are good listeners with great senses of humour and when they do speak it's because they have something interesting or funny to say.

But optical you’re doing the same. If a person creates a conversational vacuum due to their quietness in social situations it’s as infuriating as the honking extrovert. No one has to talk non-stop, but socially everyone should participate to their best extent. Otherwise what on earths the point? You may as well stay home.