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AIBU?

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Original poster

What do you really think of people who are quiet?

210 replies

mouse5 · 05/05/2019 08:54

I am very quiet and have always received negative comments about it mainly from family.
Awkward/ disinterested/ gormless are some of the "nicer" things that have been said to me.

What do people really think about quiet people? Do you really think that it's awkward if we end up sitting next to you at a wedding? Do you think we're being rude because we aren't speaking much?

OP posts:
wombatron · 05/05/2019 09:31

And yes I appreciate there are people out here that are quiet for reasons - not being able to get words out etc. My comment is aimed at people who think everyone should have a minimum word count at social events. One of the funniest people I ever met was at a social event. He didn't chip in to the conversation very much at all, but he was so quick witted and funny when he did. He was clearly just more of a listener than a speaker and was a very quiet individual

BlueMerchant · 05/05/2019 09:31

I'm quiet and it's down to having quite low self-esteem and I'm also one of the people who ruminates after a conversation and worries what the other person thinks of me. I also feel like I often come out with stupid things as I'm so nervous and when I try to act confident my mouth runs away with me. I also find it hard to listen to what someone's saying as I'm worrying to much about my reply. Eg. A new friend told me she was going on holiday to Cornwall and about what she was doing when she got there, who she was staying with etc. I replied by saying that sounded lovely. I then start asking if said friend had any holiday plans this year. She looked at me like I was nuts.

Thismumlikesart · 05/05/2019 09:32

Yup, I am shy and quiet around new people or large groups although it's getting better with age. It's definitely something that is spoken about very negatively which really pees me off as I think being loud can be a negative trait but I wouldn't say that to a loud person over and over again!

With my close friends I'm not shy or quiet however some of my friends are just quiet people. I don't think negatively of them for this, I tend to worry more that I'm being too loud and not giving them the chance to talk.

I think often loud and outgoing people don't understand shyness and therefore see it as a negative thing when it isn't.

DingDongDenny · 05/05/2019 09:33

I find quiet people quite a relief sometimes. So many people talk incessantly and interrupt you all the time.

Most quiet people I know you can have a great conversation with 1to1, they just don't want to/have the confidence to break into the conversation when it's moving so fast.

My DH is quiet, he is happy talking to me, but we also both really enjoy a bit of peace when we are at home

thethoughtfox · 05/05/2019 09:34

Quiet people always have the best chat

ladyratterley · 05/05/2019 09:35

To be 100% honest OP I find very quiet people hard work. I hate having to push conversation.
I have known a few people who will just give one word answers if you ask a question and it comes across as rude.
I don’t understand why very quiet people attend social things if they intend to sit there & say nothing.

Yabbers · 05/05/2019 09:35

There’s a difference between quiet and rude.

Being amongst people, engaging in conversation even if it’s only a few words, looking interested, open body language = quiet.

Sitting quietly in a corner, looking bored, not engaging at all = rude.

TSSDNCOP · 05/05/2019 09:36

The loud people know the quiet people are judging them. Quietly. You can quiet hate too you know Grin

Zduse · 05/05/2019 09:37

I have asd so pretty quiet compared to others, I just don't find silence awkward I find the awkward space filler chit chat more so, so I'd be relieved at sitting next to a fellow quiet person Grin
Calling people out on their quietness is rude and going to achieve bugger all, it's not suddenly going to make them chatty, probably just make them feel awkward and shy, calling someone gormless is hardly going to make them want to talk with you.

Jux · 05/05/2019 09:41

Bei loud or quiet isn't important; being nice or nasty is.

floribunda18 · 05/05/2019 09:42

Often the quiet ones are actually more confident, happy with their own thoughts and in their own head. The noisy ones with no filter looking for constant approval and agreement are often the ones with self esteem issues.

NottonightJosepheen · 05/05/2019 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SimonJT · 05/05/2019 09:44

I’m fairly shy and really don’t like socialising in a group unless I know everyone in the group quite well. I have to attend a two day conference for work this week, I’m absolutely dreading it.

Eliza9919 · 05/05/2019 09:44

I think it's rude. It not hard to make small talk.

Aprillygirl · 05/05/2019 09:45

I don’t understand why very quiet people attend social things if they intend to sit there & say nothing.

That's so rude. There are people who suffer with crippling shyness,social anxiety etc and have to really push themselves to get out there. They should be applauded for trying not criticized!

gamerwidow · 05/05/2019 09:47

I’d rather be with a quiet person than a bolshy loud mouth.
That being said not all loud people are bolshy or rude and not all quiet people are lovely and thoughtful.
I judge people on their actions and whether or not they’ve been unkind or rude rather than if they are quiet or loud.

Aprillygirl · 05/05/2019 09:48

I think it's rude. It not hard to make small talk.

Not hard for you but extremely difficult for some because NEWSFLASH we're all different.

Eliza9919 · 05/05/2019 09:49

I think it's rude because other people have to go to extra effort to engage and include people that just sit there not taking part in a conversation.

PregnantSea · 05/05/2019 09:49

Being able to make conversation is a life skill, and if you don't learn how to do it then unfortunately you will find certain situations difficult and some people will find you rude.

So if you're just not a big talker then that's fine, but if it's very difficult for someone to hold a normal conversation with you during a wedding or birthday party then people probably will view this negatively.

I am naturally very quiet in busy settings with lots of people, but I push myself to make conversation as I just see it as being polite.

fleshmarketclose · 05/05/2019 09:50

I can make small talk, and quite like chatting one to one I just find groups of people all talking over each other quite difficult and tend to just listen then.

SimonJT · 05/05/2019 09:50

@Eliza9919

Having to make small talk with strangers makes me feel physically sick.

gamerwidow · 05/05/2019 09:50

I don’t understand why very quiet people attend social things if they intend to sit there & say nothing

Because they still want to be included in the group. I go out with the school mums sometimes to keep in the loop of what is going on and so my DD doesn’t get forgotten about for social stuff. I don’t talk a lot but I’m not rude to people either. I don’t enjoy it but it’s important to have at least made the effort to go.

Tumbleweed101 · 05/05/2019 09:50

I’m quiet in group situations but I can be chatty with trusted friends in groups up to about four people. I become more of a listener in larger groups. I guess I find other people more interesting than I expect them to find me lol.

ladyratterley · 05/05/2019 09:51

Aprillygirl I’m not being rude. I don’t understand what they get out of it?! I honestly struggle to see why you would attend if you don’t want to interact with others.

gamerwidow · 05/05/2019 09:51

Ps I never intend to sit there and say nothing. I often plan out things I know about people that I could chat to them about but then the situation over whelms me.

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