What do you really think of people who are quiet?

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I am very quiet and have always received negative comments about it mainly from family.
Awkward/ disinterested/ gormless are some of the "nicer" things that have been said to me.

What do people really think about quiet people? Do you really think that it's awkward if we end up sitting next to you at a wedding? Do you think we're being rude because we aren't speaking much?

I am very quiet, have a stutter and suffer from crippling social anxiety. I really struggle in social situations where I don't know many/any people. I think a lot of the time I get left out/ignored because I don't have enough to contribute to the conversations.
I had comments as a teenager from people thinking when they first met me I was being aloof or rude so I really tried to push myself to look interested and to join in. It's really hard.
I get really worked up and have to really push myself to go into new situations and comments about quietness/shyness don't help the situation, if anything they make shy, quiet people worse!

Eliza9919- actually it is really hard for some people to make mundane, pointless small talk. Especially with someone you know nothing about or have nothing in common with. I'd rather you didn't make the extra effort to engage with people if your going to be so rude and ignorant about it!

Often the quiet ones are actually more confident, happy with their own thoughts and in their own head. The noisy ones with no filter looking for constant approval and agreement are often the ones with self esteem issues.

Rubbish...being chatty or quiet is no indicator of confidence. I used to be quiet but practiced being chatty to get to know other people, and I have never regretted learning that skill. I was still the same person just better able to express myself publicly which made me more confident if I'm being honest.

Imo, it is pretty rude to go to a social situation like a public meal or a wedding and refuse to talk knowing that means the person next to you will have limited social engagement for the next hour or more. Why go to these social then- just to listen while others make the effort to provide the entertainment?

Some people are shy which makes them quiet and I'd really encourage those that if they want to, they can learn to talk in social situations- it's a practised skill like any other.

I cant relate to quiet people. I would find it easy to make small talk sitting next to someone at a wedding but if it's a quiet person who doesn't respond it's just difficult. I'd think they're a bit boring and reclusive.

If someone never initiates conversation w me and answers me only in monosyllables then I surmise they don't want to know me (fair enough) and would avoid being with them. If I was then stuck next to someone like that it would be both awkward and boring.

I think it's rude because other people have to go to extra effort to engage and include people that just sit there not taking part in a conversation

They'd probably rather people like you didn't bother

Tedious and draining, if I’m honest.

Actually the very quiet person I know isn’t thoughtful and incisive at all. He has no deep meaningful thoughts. He is just shy and somewhat boring. and I say that as an introvert who has to work hard at social chitchat.

@gamerwidow I used to be like that and i found acting classes really helped me (combined with what you're doing by writing down conversation points and lines in advance)

I knew a guy who spoke so quietly I could barely hear him. One day we spoke on phone; I didn't recognise his voice at all, had never heard it at normal volume.

After a while we had enough conversations that I learnt he had a huge pile of insecurities coupled with arrogance. So I suspect now that his extreme quietness was passive aggressive shit. His way of trying to control other people.

Depends on the context. I had a colleauge that I would sit in meetings with every 6 weeks for an hour an a half. He never ever said a word. I doubt he's ever said a word at that meeting since, but I don't go anymore. I've deliberately drawn him out at other more informal events, asking what he was working, stuff like that. And now he talks to me, voluntarily :)

At a wedding? Yes, that could be quite awkward, as that means the other person would sit there like a lemon without interaction, or interacting with other people at the table looking as if they were ignoring you.

What do I really think of quiet people? They are a relief from the over-bight, over-chatty, noisy world!

Aprillygirl I’m not being rude. I don’t understand what they get out of it?! I honestly struggle to see why you would attend if you don’t want to interact with others.

What about those who really do want to interact and are making every effort to do so but just can't do it enough to your liking. Should shy people just stay home incase their quietness makes you feel uneasy or should they push themselves to get out their in an effort to experience life,build their confidence and mix with people?

To be truthful with you, I quite like quiet people, there is nothing worse than someone who talks for talking sake and therefore spouts a load of rubbish

But as a non quiet person
When conversation doesn't flow easily and I'm casting around in my mind for conversation topics to keep the conversation going then I sometimes feel that I'm spouting a load of rubbish. That's what I find difficult about quiet people. I don't know whether they want me to just shut up and let there be silence (which is uncomfortable for me) or whether I should talk - and yes sometimes I do feel I'm spouting uninteresting rubbish as I fish around for something to say. Are they relying on me to keep the conversation going and are enjoying it? Or am I wasting my time? It's a chicken and egg situation.

Rach182 I’ve actually got better as I’ve got older because I’ve realised that actually it doesn’t really matter what you say you just have to say something. For years I got bogged down with what I say is important people will laugh at you if you get it wrong. Now I realise that no ones really keeping track, as long as you’re not rude people are happy to let you say any old nonsense.

If I'm.in a situation where you are meant to talk e.g. a dinner party or social function I would rather be next to someone who is happy to chat

As a quiet person I love a chatty person because it takes the pressure off. I won’t sit in silence obviously but it helps the conversation get started.

I'm not shy, I'm quiet because most of the people in my industry are braying bores. I'd rather not engage.

One woman at work is horrific. As soon as she opens the staff room door, her shrieking laugh echos around the room, and conversations already taking place have to stop because of her presence. It's one thing to be loud and chatty, but another to be just plain rude. There's no way she can't control that ridiculous laugh - she doesn't do it when with managers.

I was extremely quiet at school & was bullied for it which made me even worse obviously. I came out of my shell when I left school & can be chatty and outgoing with people I know well. I thought I'd shed my quiet label, although could never be described as loud either, but thought I was "normal". I was therefore gutted to discover that a loud school mum who hardly knew me had described me as "timid" and it certainly wasn't meant as a compliment. Sad that quiet is seen as a negative - I'm really nice & interesting when you get to know me!

I get quite irritated by the notion that talky people are shallow village idiots who are repulsed by knowledge, whereas quiet people are on a higher intellectual plane and have these rich inner worlds that talky people couldn't possibly comprehend even if they stopped doing tequila shots while doing karaoke through a loudspeaker for just one moment.

You can be quiet and be a rude, shallow arsehole, you know. Just as you can be talky and be empathetic, cerebral and thoughtful.

I do think it's worth saying that when it comes to small talk though, nobody likes this. Talky people hate having to be polite to people on their table at weddings too, so it's annoying when quiet people force them to do all the conversational heavy lifting.

It feels contrived

Because it is contrived. Small talk sucks but it's the necessary social evil in order to determine whether you have any connection with the stranger you're talking to. I'd love to be able to start conversations with personal, deep or political discussion but I have no idea whether the stranger would be receptive, how they'd be likely to use that information etc so we make small talk to find out.

I find that quiet people, whether intentionally or unintentionally quiet, struggle to make deep new friendships after school or university because people don't have the same freedom of time to get to know someone week after week or socialise with someone multiple times until they open up enough to become friends. That's why small talk is important, when our lives get busy and we don't have unrestricted time to get to know people, small talk is a sorting mechanism unfortunately.

@gamerwidow that's so true, and that helped me too, the realisation that unless you say something awful, most people aren't that bothered!