To not allow younger sibling to birthday party with 45 mins notice?

[Riverside85]

DD’s birthday party yesterday- it was a church hall with entertainer (rather than a soft play where you pay per head), however I did take numbers into account when making food (individual food bags per child), party bags and the entertainer wanted numbers to pre-make balloon animals per child.

They’re Reception (turning 5). Whole class was invited. I saw one Mum at another party last week and as well as the 5yo she had her toddler with her. While chatting I said “Oh, would you like to bring X to DD’s party next week too?” She said “Ooh really? I didn’t like to assume but that would be lovely!” so I added the little one to the list.

Yesterday, the day of the party I get a text from another Mum 45 mins before the party start time- I was already at the hall setting up.

Text said “Hi sorry for the short notice but can my little boy X come along to the party, he won’t eat anything, he just really wants to come”. WIBU to reply “I’m really sorry but I haven’t made provision for him in the numbers and I’m already at the venue now”. She then replied “Aww no problem I’ll see if his Dad can take him out somewhere instead” so not like it was a childcare emergency and she had the two on her own.

Background: this same family brought both kids to DD’s soft play party last year without asking; the Dad brought them both in- I watched them at the door giving both names to the staff and the younger brother sat down at the table and had a meal. I didn’t say anything at the time as it was the middle of the party and I never said anything after. I have also seen the younger brother at quite a lot of other parties so think she must do this a bit.

My mum thinks I WBU and should’ve just said yes, tbh we did have spare food and a couple of extra party bags.

So WIBU?

Given what they did before, YANBU. If there was no background I probably would've let the younger one come but it does sound like the family have CF tendencies.

Absolutely not. Yes to accommodating last minute emergencies such as "Dad's broken his ankle and needs to go to A&E can I leave little Tommy at the party as it would really help me out".

"He really wants to come" isn't your problem. What a cheeky cow.

No not unreasonable. Personally, I would and have said yes to impromptu little siblings before but that's not because I think you should in that situation. Equally, I would NEVER ask myself.

If it didn’t cause you any problem then I’d have allowed it. It’s a kid’s birthday party not the BAFTAs.

Nope. Absolutely fine.

Soft play is usually ok if other sibling is paid for and not brought into party room. However these seem to just be CFs and well done for stopping them.

I would have let them come, it's not really a big issue is it?

I think you were perfectly reasonable. I think she sounds like a total scrounger who is totally extracting the urine! Also you got your point across assertively without being rude. Well done!

She sounds like a CF gatecrashing last year’s party. At 5yo I would expect her to drop and run so she could easily take care of toddler herself, plus her DH was available so I think she was CF again.

I made the mistake of being nice at DD’s first party and I had a lot of siblings dumped, including three kids from an invited child’s friend’s family whose names I didn’t even know and whose parent just left them without saying anything. I am now much stricter. I stay at the door while everyone arrives and turn sibling s away. We already invite 30 DCs and about 26 come so that is more than enough!

It’s a kid’s birthday party not the BAFTAs

Ha ha that did make me laugh

Depends doesn't it?

Church hall buffet and balloon bender man - no problem

Paid-per-head venue and the answer is going to be no.

A bit mean spirited given that you had the food and party bags ...
just my opinion though ....

Yeah if she’d said “I’m really sorry, Dad’s been called into work” or whatever I’d have maybe been more inclined to say yes, or if she’d asked with her original RSVP text, or week before or even the evening before! But 45 mins when I’m already at the venue because “he really wants to come”... those were all factors that contributed to saying no.

I would have said yes you can but you will need to bring your own food as i’ve made up boxes for the rest of the children and there won’t be one for him and also please just let him know that there won’t be a party bag as I only have enough for the invited kids - don’t want him to be upset. I imagine she’d be less than keen if he’s not going to be fed and kick off at a party bag (as I have had in the past). I also find at all class parties there might be one or two who don’t turn up so there might be enough anyway. I used to say yes to younger siblings when my kids were YR- Y2 if we were having all class and an entertainer but post that I say no as they are a pain in the backside for older kids who want to take the activity more seriously. Entertainers find really young kids a big disruption too.

YANBU. If it had been a childcare emergency I’d have said yes, but not simply ‘because he really wants to come’.

There was a family DD1 was at nursery with who had 3 children, and who always assumed all 3 were invited without asking, no matter what kind of party. Was very frustrating!

Cheeky Fuckery. Well done on saying no.

I think what you did is fine.

Her son might have wanted to go, but the invitation was for his sibling. Imagine if every child invited to your party brought a sibling, just because they wanted to come. It would be chaos lol.

I’m really shocked by these responses - all the kids parties I’ve done have had a more the merrier approach (seems to be the norm at Ds school) when I’m doing headcounts I automatically add on siblings too.

I get that last year was a bit cheeky, but it was literally no skin off your nose to say yes this year as you had extra food / party bags and it was in a village hall. It just feels a bit, I dunno, mean? These are little kids we are talking about - of course they want to come to the party too!

YANBU, however if I had had spare food and party bags I would have said yes. No point in letting them go to waste, is there?

I should add a MASSIVE proviso to my above post - there are 12 kids in Ds class. I would imagine if there are 30, it makes logistics a lot more challenging.

I would have let them come. There’s alwways a spare kid or two in my experience with those kinds of parties. And usually a last minute drop out. I always do a couple extra party bags too. No big deal. It would be different if it’s a limited number activity.

I think if you’re throwing a party then be generous about it not tight.

I think it’s fine as long as there is no expectation for you to feed the child or give them a party bag/balloon etc.. but this woman does sound like a CF and what they did last year was pretty out of order. I think it’s good you said no this time around.

I would have said yes if the mother didn’t already have form for taking the piss. So I’m this specific scenario you did the right thing.

*in

@twirlypoo- me too - Its no wonder society is so dysfunctional given the venom directed towards a toddler wanting to watch a bit of fun.