To not allow younger sibling to birthday party with 45 mins notice?

[Riverside85]

DD’s birthday party yesterday- it was a church hall with entertainer (rather than a soft play where you pay per head), however I did take numbers into account when making food (individual food bags per child), party bags and the entertainer wanted numbers to pre-make balloon animals per child.

They’re Reception (turning 5). Whole class was invited. I saw one Mum at another party last week and as well as the 5yo she had her toddler with her. While chatting I said “Oh, would you like to bring X to DD’s party next week too?” She said “Ooh really? I didn’t like to assume but that would be lovely!” so I added the little one to the list.

Yesterday, the day of the party I get a text from another Mum 45 mins before the party start time- I was already at the hall setting up.

Text said “Hi sorry for the short notice but can my little boy X come along to the party, he won’t eat anything, he just really wants to come”. WIBU to reply “I’m really sorry but I haven’t made provision for him in the numbers and I’m already at the venue now”. She then replied “Aww no problem I’ll see if his Dad can take him out somewhere instead” so not like it was a childcare emergency and she had the two on her own.

Background: this same family brought both kids to DD’s soft play party last year without asking; the Dad brought them both in- I watched them at the door giving both names to the staff and the younger brother sat down at the table and had a meal. I didn’t say anything at the time as it was the middle of the party and I never said anything after. I have also seen the younger brother at quite a lot of other parties so think she must do this a bit.

My mum thinks I WBU and should’ve just said yes, tbh we did have spare food and a couple of extra party bags.

So WIBU?

@daisypond the hall and entertainer is a much cheaper option here than play centres. I had an entertainer booked for around £75 and then the hall for £20. I did my own food and party bags for 30+ kids. All under £150. A play centre can be anything from £12 per head with a minimum of 10 kids so straight away around £120. Many others are more expensive. Weekend we went a party that was £17.95 per head. Parents probably spent more and only had 10 kids.

Up until the end of ks1 the kids change their friendship groups a lot and can’t really pick out a handful of friends. I asked the teacher once to help me out with that and it was really hard and my dd kept changing her mind. It Has been common here for whole class parties up until ks1 when my eldest was in ks1 however my youngest is in year 2 and there have been a lot more selected group parties - climbing wall, trampoline, pamper party at a salon (don’t even get me started on that for 6 year olds). Only the pamper party required being dropped off as the salon wasn’t big enough for parents to stay. Parents stay all all others, play Center or church hall. And I recall the parents who dropped and left were often frowned upon.

I guess it differs depending on where you are.

You know what annoys me more than the sibling thing. The non replying parent who turns up. Another reason I always have spare food and party bags. But at a softplay party a few years back I’d budgeted for so many children. Quite a few didn’t reply at all then turned up on the day costing me more than I’d thought I was going to have to pay.

I think you were fine. I did similar once when beforehand I accommodated four (yes 4!) extra siblings since the one sibling was a really good friend of ds and couldn’t go if his siblings did not [rolls eyes]. But then I had someone right before the party ask if their other kid could come if they paid and were astounded when I let them pay (it was per head). You must have some inkling the kid is going to be coming along before you take them. Just don’t arrive and expect me to pay on the spot!

You know what annoys me more than the sibling thing. The non replying parent who turns up

After getting parents that didn't reply, we put an rsvp date on further invites as most places needed a confirmed number. Never bothered inviting those who didn't rsvp again.

Just be careful - one mum once dumped two random kids on a joint party I was hosting with a friend. I was livid but assumed she must have cleared it with other parent - but she didn’t ... except that it turned out they were her nieces and her brother had recently died so she had been caring for them ...

Celtic Interesting regarding pricing. I've never hired a play centre, so I don't know about costs for those. Mine attended parties at play centres, though. Mostly from nursery stage up to the end of KS1 we did small parties at home. Party games and tea. Six or seven children only. We went to the cinema once. KS2 was more trip based. Ice skating, theatre, a trip to some caves, the seaside once. Other children's parties were the same sort of thing - a treasure hunt in the park someone did once, community paddling pool in the park with picnic, once to a soft play centre, once to an adventure playground, once to a craft party, that sort of thing. But similar numbers. I've got three children, and this is the general pattern.