To not allow younger sibling to birthday party with 45 mins notice?

[Riverside85]

DD’s birthday party yesterday- it was a church hall with entertainer (rather than a soft play where you pay per head), however I did take numbers into account when making food (individual food bags per child), party bags and the entertainer wanted numbers to pre-make balloon animals per child.

They’re Reception (turning 5). Whole class was invited. I saw one Mum at another party last week and as well as the 5yo she had her toddler with her. While chatting I said “Oh, would you like to bring X to DD’s party next week too?” She said “Ooh really? I didn’t like to assume but that would be lovely!” so I added the little one to the list.

Yesterday, the day of the party I get a text from another Mum 45 mins before the party start time- I was already at the hall setting up.

Text said “Hi sorry for the short notice but can my little boy X come along to the party, he won’t eat anything, he just really wants to come”. WIBU to reply “I’m really sorry but I haven’t made provision for him in the numbers and I’m already at the venue now”. She then replied “Aww no problem I’ll see if his Dad can take him out somewhere instead” so not like it was a childcare emergency and she had the two on her own.

Background: this same family brought both kids to DD’s soft play party last year without asking; the Dad brought them both in- I watched them at the door giving both names to the staff and the younger brother sat down at the table and had a meal. I didn’t say anything at the time as it was the middle of the party and I never said anything after. I have also seen the younger brother at quite a lot of other parties so think she must do this a bit.

My mum thinks I WBU and should’ve just said yes, tbh we did have spare food and a couple of extra party bags.

So WIBU?

small child gets upset and wants to come too, you can’t always pre-empt that?

I want to see the teacher's face when you insist that little timmy goes with his older sibling in class/ on school trip because he's getting upset to be left out

good luck if you kid getting upset means you give him everything he ever wants!

IsYourGoogleBroken

Child A: Im going to Freds party today|
Child B: I wanna come too
Parent: No, you don’t know Fred. Fred is in your brother’s class. Daddy is taking you to the park instead. Yay!

You mention “managing your child’s expectations” further down in your post. There’s how you manage the child’s expectation that they are going to a party they aren’t invited to.

Do you said no, because of a situation that wasn’t there?!

Or because they royally took the piss the year before too.

Twirlypoo, that's the most PA post I've seen in a while, all ending with the lovely

I think it's really rude to bring siblings to a party. Asking in advance makes it marginally less rude, but still rude.
Your lack of childcare is not the party host's problem.
Unless the party children are very small, you usually drop and leave so look after your own toddler!

@riverside - where I come from we don't exclude and marginalise people. Tend to find those who do tend to go on to be the school and work place bully. See, inclusivity is for all.

SSD I really didn’t mean it in a PA way - I felt like I kept putting my neck on the line trying to explain how i felt, and was trying to show that I genuinely had no beef with the OP and that people DO do things differently, I get that!

Think I’ll go back to my real life where people are nice to each other now

There was a family DD1 was at nursery with who had 3 children, and who always assumed all 3 were invited without asking, no matter what kind of party. Was very frustrating!

I knew a family like this - they’d all turn up (both parents too) with a “Oh, we all like to come along as a family” attitude. They genuinely didn’t see anything odd about it (although everyone else did!)

She had heard that the first toddler was coming.

It can be possible for half or a third of the class to have younger siblings and that completely changes the dynamic of the party if they all come.

I would be sympathetic to single parents who need the childcare if it is not a ‘drop and run’ party, otherwise no.

It must feel sooooo good to piss on a 3yos chips that it had to be posted and bragged about.

Bragging? Are we reading the same thread?

where I come from we don't exclude and marginalise people.

Do you not get dizzy up there on the moral high ground?

Not unreasonable, no. Just a bit mean, given that you could have easily accommodated him.

where I come from we don't exclude and marginalise people.

that's classic MN.

IsYourGoogleBroken

Ah now I do feel a bit more strongly about that last comment. I was badly bullied at school and didn’t have many friends. My “bubbly popular” Mum kept plugging away at trying to push me to be more sociable. I would’ve been happy with a family tea party tbh but one year my Mum got me to invite all 12 girls in my class (think it was Year 5). I gave out the invitations and by the end of the day I had 12 paper invitations ripped up in small pieces in my classroom drawer/tray (no doubt instigated by the main bully and the others followed suit). I will never forget that feeling. I would be devastated to feel I was displaying bullying behaviour towards anyone else and I really don’t think this is the same thing at all, however I will take your points on board and be more careful.

YANBU, especially as dad was available to take sibling elsewhere. Fair enough if it was a childcare emergency but she obviously has form. At least she had the decency to ask this time, albeit 45 minutes before the party started.

I had this situation at one of my DD's parties a few years ago. I didn't realise a few 'extras' were also at the party till it had already started - as the siblings had also come dressed up (fancy dress party)!

It's just CF of the highest order, a quick text to ask if it's ok takes seconds. I've yet to send out a child's invitation that states '+1'!!

PamelaX

where I come from we don't exclude and marginalise people

grin grin grin

that's classic MN

I was just laughing at that too, so perfectly hysterical MN.

This thread is hilarious. I can't understand all the angst surrounding a kids birthday party.

Riverside85

I agree that comment was quite outrageous but then that poster clearly bullies other parents in to doing exactly what she wants rather than respecting its a special day for someone else.

Ignore.

There have been some bonkers responses from both sides. I am on the fence. I think you were a bit mean but equally, this mum was a chancer for asking. I wonder if it is because she is known for cheeky behaviour that you said no. do you think you might have said yes if another parent asked last minute in the same way but without her history?

I would have let them come. And often I used to take DS2 to parties so probably was that a woman.

I never expected food or a party bag though, and used to pay him into soft play.

If it was an organised activity that wasn't age appropriate, then fair enough.

But a church hall and entertainer? That's a bit mean spirited.

I think she was being cheeky - younger children can change the dynamic - you have a right to decide how you want the party to be after all its your child's birthday and you want them to enjoy it.

I have always said no to siblings as it changes the dynamics of the party for the birthday child. There was never an issue with it, people knew beforehand and arranged sitters or for another parent to take them.

But I think you are wrong on the chidcare front - I think she wanted free entertainment for her youngest.