To not allow younger sibling to birthday party with 45 mins notice?

[Riverside85]

DD’s birthday party yesterday- it was a church hall with entertainer (rather than a soft play where you pay per head), however I did take numbers into account when making food (individual food bags per child), party bags and the entertainer wanted numbers to pre-make balloon animals per child.

They’re Reception (turning 5). Whole class was invited. I saw one Mum at another party last week and as well as the 5yo she had her toddler with her. While chatting I said “Oh, would you like to bring X to DD’s party next week too?” She said “Ooh really? I didn’t like to assume but that would be lovely!” so I added the little one to the list.

Yesterday, the day of the party I get a text from another Mum 45 mins before the party start time- I was already at the hall setting up.

Text said “Hi sorry for the short notice but can my little boy X come along to the party, he won’t eat anything, he just really wants to come”. WIBU to reply “I’m really sorry but I haven’t made provision for him in the numbers and I’m already at the venue now”. She then replied “Aww no problem I’ll see if his Dad can take him out somewhere instead” so not like it was a childcare emergency and she had the two on her own.

Background: this same family brought both kids to DD’s soft play party last year without asking; the Dad brought them both in- I watched them at the door giving both names to the staff and the younger brother sat down at the table and had a meal. I didn’t say anything at the time as it was the middle of the party and I never said anything after. I have also seen the younger brother at quite a lot of other parties so think she must do this a bit.

My mum thinks I WBU and should’ve just said yes, tbh we did have spare food and a couple of extra party bags.

So WIBU?

I remember a whole family regularly turning up to parties when mine were at primary school .... mum, Dad, older sister and the other twin when only one twin was invited.

If we're having the village hall with an entertainer and buffet then I allow siblings, it's no skin off my nose and makes no difference to the activities. If it's a pay-per-head activity then I say that the activity is only for party children but the normal venue session (e.g., softplay) will be running alongside and is £x if anyone is bringing siblings.

Whenever one DC is invited to a softplay/trampolining/bowling party and DH isn't home so I have to take all of the DC (he works away sometimes and drop-off parties aren't the done thing here for some reason) I just pay for my other DC to join in the public session. If there is no public session, e.g., private hire of a venue but still paid per head, then I speak to the host parent in advance and I pay for my additional DC to join the party if numbers allow. DD was invited to an ice skating party a few weeks ago. There was no public session as they have the parties before/after normal opening hours so I asked the mum if I could pay for 10yo and 5yo to join in, she said that was fine and added them to the list and I gave her £25 for them.

Never had an invitation for those which hasn't included "siblings welcome"

sounds like a recipe for disaster
The last thing you need is some much younger siblings in the middle spoiling the fun of the others, it's not really fair on them.

I keep coming back to this thread as I am genuinely really taken aback by the responses! Ds is an only child so I’m not an accidental cheeky fucker, but in our school there seems to just be a really different approach of more the merrier.

It just feels like it was literally NO extra work - you had spare food, spare party bag, no extra venue costs..... so your only reason for saying no was to prove a point? I don’t get it! Surely that doesn’t make you feel good inside?

I’m really not trying to be goady, but it feels like a sad way to live - it’s a kids party at the end of the day!

Do the people who bring uninvited guests to someone else’s party stay and parent their kid, or ditch them and use the party as free childcare? Fuckin rude. If someone doesn’t have childcare then going to a party isn’t an option. The woman in OP had childcare, just fancied bringing an extra kid.

I would have said no too because then it would be balloon and food or tears and tantrums.

As you say it’s not a childcare issue.

I probably would've just said yes. Especially when you take into account that you've invited other people's younger siblings. I think to say no to her makes you look a bit mean spirited and inflexible. I can see your point about her being cheeky bringing her youngest to soft play last year but I would give her a pass on that and assume that the Dad didn't know the etiquette.

twirlypoo What if all 28 kids on the list brought along an older or younger sibling?

And again, as I’ve said for me the main issue was the lack of notice. I am not averse to having younger siblings there, and did have one or two who’d spoken to me beforehand but 45 mins before the party with no emergency just seems so CF.

Everyone stayed at the party (parents), I don’t think we’re at the “drop and leave” stage yet.

imposing anyone who wasn't invited in the first place is rude.

I also hate these "it's only a kids birthday party" attitude. To you, yes it's one of the 20+ a year you will be invited to, we get it, none of us really care. To the hosts, it can be something they spent a long time saving for and it is a big deal. It might be the only big party they ever organise.
To the child, it's HIS birthday party, it's the only 5th birthday party he will have. It is a big deal. Have some respect.

Child A: Im going to Freds party today|
Child B: I wanna come too
Not an entirely unexpected response from a 3 year old TBH

Some people just delight in being nasty for the sake of it
a 3yo is perfectly capable IMHO of understanding sit, watch, play but no expectations of a party bag in my experience, but then, "back in the day" we managed our childrens and friends expectations, they knew they were able to sit in and join but it want their invitation.

@twirlypoo but it feels like a sad way to live - it’s a kids party at the end of the day! Im with you on that. It must feel sooooo good to piss on a 3yos chips that it had to be posted and bragged about.

I keep coming back to this thread as I am genuinely really taken aback by the responses! Ds is an only child so I’m not an accidental cheeky fucker, but in our school there seems to just be a really different approach of more the merrier.

That's just not practical. Plus it's a good sometimes for siblings to have something that's just for them.

Oooh the responses are so mixed! From “Well done OP, I admire you” to “Meh, not bothered either way” to “venom directed at a toddler”!!!

I can’t call it!

Tell your mum if she's that concerned she can have little timmy for 2 hours whilst his mum does feck all.

Lack of childcare - drop off child 1, go for a walk with child 2. Child 1 is with all their classmates, so no need to stay.

it's rude too, but how difficult to ask another parent to be in charge of 2 children and you swap at the next party. Using parties as free childcare is CF territory, but no one ever said every single parent must attend, organise yourself.

If you have a class of 30 and each family brings siblings, you could potentially end up with 90 children there.

Mine are older now but when it got to my last child and the party shannanigans, I ended up being really firm as was getting walked over.

It was the same type of parents who roped me in to doing after school care several times a month or took the piss generally.

I don’t think it’s mean at all.

If every child brought along a sibling, you’d have loads of extra kids.

We had a parent who would lay on the guilt trip about her younger ds. He would get really upset if his dsis was going to a party without him. The mother started insisting he was invited or her dd wouldn’t come. Shot herself in the foot because everyone just stopped invited her dd. Feel sorry for her dd

Child A: Im going to Freds party today|
Child B: I wanna come too
Not an entirely unexpected response from a 3 year old TBH

absolutely, but it's up to the parent to tell them NO. They have to learn, and next time it's their turn.

It is cheeky when there is no child care emergency and also younger children have to learn they can’t do everything/go everywhere their older sibling does. I know a family where the youngest was allowed to go everywhere the oldest 2 went because ‘she wanted to’ they really ended up resenting her.

Yes but riverside you knew that the other 28 people weren’t bringing siblings - I agree, if it was then getting ridiculous you say to the last ones “sorry but the other 20 kids are bringing someone and we are at capacity” or something.... but that wasn’t the case in this situation! Do you said no, because of a situation that wasn’t there?!

And I agree about the lack of notice, but everyone getting ready for a party - small child gets upset and wants to come too, you can’t always pre-empt that?

And also, again, the lack of notice had no bearing on you anyway as you had spares!

I sort of see where you are coming from with the hypothetical situations - but they are just that, hypothetical. Your scenario was that you could have accommodated an extra one with absolutely no hassle to yourself - but chose not too. It just seems a petty way of living your life!

Anyway, I hope your DC had a lovely party and it all went well - the world would be a boring place if we all did things the same

venom directed towards a toddler

Everyone stayed at the party (parents), I don’t think we’re at the “drop and leave” stage yet

Even worse, you expect the free childcare that goes along with it. Its church hall. You expect all the siblings to stay, they don't get party bags and only eat whats left, provided the mothers haven't troughed it first. I remember those days, like gannets, hovering, swooping in because the kids are always too excited to eat.

No one is pissing on a 3 year old chips, don't be so dramatic. He's not being the cheeky fucker his mother is.

I think you were BU.