AIBU to demand school let my daughter go to the toilet whenever she needs to?

[Janel85]

DD is 6 and has been having repeat urine infections since November. She has had kidney ultrasound and has a mild drainage problem. Long story short ended up in hospital last night because dd caught a bug. Couldn’t keep down any water or antibiotics and hadn’t been a wee in over 12 hours. The mild kidney dilation will be investigated further but doctor thinks the reason for repeat UTIs at DDs age is likely to be down to stagnation, holding onto her wee for too long because she feels uncomfortable going at school. Spoke to DD and apparently the policy of her teacher is that the children can only use the toilet at break times and snack time and if you ask at any other time then the answer is no. I think this is making my daughter very ill and it’s wrong AIBU?

I would write in or speak to the teacher first as your dd has a medical reason for needing to go more often

I suffered from UTIs as a child then teen. I have now developed interstitial cystitis which is hell. UTIs are painful and not to be ignored. Your DD needs to visit the toilet freely.

YANBU at all given that she has a kidney problem, if the school are aware of that then they need to be allowed to go whenever necessary.

I'm amazed you haven't already spoken to the teacher about this.
You don't need to 'demand' you need to explain her medical need and 'request'.
Only if that doesn't get the required results do you then 'demand'.

Sounds like kidney reflux which is what my DD had but grew out of it - I told the school she had a kidney condition and her consultant said she can't be allowed to wait to go to the toilet and she must drink regularly (not overly of course as that's bad for anyone but just sensibly and not be denied water or toilet)

My consultant told me this was what the school must do - the school were very happy to support this without quibble - just tell them they're risking scarring her kidneys with further infections just because of their policy, medical needs outweigh any policy

YANBU. I work in a school, this would be no problem at all and she would be issued with a toilet pass.

I would think this would come under "reasonable adjustments".

No need to be amazed TeenTimesTwo obviously I have spoken to teacher numerous times about DDs repeat urine infections and the need for her to be reminded to drink throughout the day, I had no idea they weren’t allowed to go to the toilet when they needed to though.

I would guess if the school isn’t aware of your daughters condition that they will obviously follow school policy, but I’m pretty sure once you make them aware they will definitely accommodate the extra toilet visits. Not fair implying the school is responsible for your daughters recent hospital visit when they were unaware. Your daughter is too young to raise it with teachers herself, so you need to make an appointment to speak with head teacher and class teacher.

YANBU. Ask to see the schools medical conditions policy - they should have one. www.medicalconditionsatschool.org.uk/ - this org explains.

Get a letter from your GP (if school insists) and maybe a pass card like this Just Can’t Wait card from the Bladder & Bowel foundation. www.bladderandbowel.org/help-information/just-cant-wait-card/

If you feel like an arrangement needs to be formalised with the school, get the requirements laid out in an IHCP - individual health care plan.

Also the school will need to make sure water is freely available and encouraging her to drink.

No school will stop a child going to the toilet for medical reasons. I'm a teacher, you just need to fully explain this to the school and request that she can go whenever she needs. It's really not a big deal.

Just explain to the school and talk directly to the teacher. I had a pupil like this. We agreed that they simply made a T sign with their hands and I could just nod, so there was no need to even ask aloud or interrupt teaching.

Children can't normally go to the toilet whenever they want because it is disrupting to the teaching in the class. If you haven't explicitly told the teacher that your DD needs to go whenever, then the teacher won't know. You can't assume the teacher will have just inferred it.

The school are definitely aware of her condition, I have written letters and spoken directly to her teacher and reception and they have also had to administer a dose of 5 courses of antibiotics over the last few months so they are definitely fully aware, also aware of the results of the kidney scan. All I’m asking is if the toilet policy can be reasonably challenged don’t the light of DDs condition.

*in the light of

Of course it can be challenged.

If you have clearly requested before she be allowed to use the toilet whenever, then go in and challenge it.

If you haven't actually requested it yet, then just go in and request it.

It sounds as if the teacher knows but isn't being helpful - in other words, is being an arse. If you've been to and fro with the school, it's probably time to get a bit stroppy.

I work in a school and DC who are known to have issues are always allowed to go.

*If you have clearly requested before she be allowed to use the toilet whenever, then go in and challenge it.

If you haven't actually requested it yet, then just go in and request it.*

This really.

They may be aware of her infections etc but not appreciated that they need to relax their loo policy. Just ask!

Yanbu. I had this as a child for the same reason and ended up not being able to hold the toilet and had to go every 30 mins by the time I was 17. In the few years leading up to it I panicked everytime I was at school planning how I was going to get from lesson to lesson and pee in between. Nip this in the bud

With the culture at schools these days being very much supportive of pupils and their needs, the LEA would wipe the floor with any school who refused to accommodate a child’s needs in respect of medical condition. I’m sure if a discussion was held with the head and the teacher that her extra toilet visits would absolutely be met. The policy is place to prevent children just upping and going to the loo willy nilly which causes disruption.

But you said she holds on for too long - does she go to the loo at all? And if she dislikes the loo at school (and let's face it they are often pretty vile) then she won't want to drink. Or does she fear being in there for some reason??
Can I suggest you discuss the loo with your DD? Suss out if she is trying to avoid it. Even 'just' going in breaks should be adequate, shouldn't it?
Just wondering if there is an element of (unwitting) self-sabotage?
Hope things get sorted for DD.

On threads such as these I see posters talking about reasonable adjustments and the equality act. The teacher sounds horrible. Of course your dd must be allowed to go when she needs to. Frankly any 6 yo should.

Hope your DD is better soon OP.
Your DD may not always be asking to go to the toilet in school as she's aware of the 'no toilet in lesson time' policy' and may be scared of asking. When you speak to the HT and other teachers make sure your DD is told by them that she can (must!) go to the toilet whenever she needs to.

Yes this is a general rule in most schools however ALL schools have adjustments for those who need it. She should be able to get a toilet pass easily with the issues that she has.

Just email her teacher or form tutor. If a secondary school the people who work in the medical room (if there is one) might be able to help quicker.

One of my DC has a kidney condition. School have always been very accommodating of her needing to go to the toilet whenever she says she does, unlike other classmates who in KS2 are meant to go at break times. I have just every year spoken to the new class teacher and explained and it is recorded in school somewhere too. Hopefully a proper explanation to the teacher should sort it out.