AIBU to demand school let my daughter go to the toilet whenever she needs to?

[Janel85]

DD is 6 and has been having repeat urine infections since November. She has had kidney ultrasound and has a mild drainage problem. Long story short ended up in hospital last night because dd caught a bug. Couldn’t keep down any water or antibiotics and hadn’t been a wee in over 12 hours. The mild kidney dilation will be investigated further but doctor thinks the reason for repeat UTIs at DDs age is likely to be down to stagnation, holding onto her wee for too long because she feels uncomfortable going at school. Spoke to DD and apparently the policy of her teacher is that the children can only use the toilet at break times and snack time and if you ask at any other time then the answer is no. I think this is making my daughter very ill and it’s wrong AIBU?

Missbuxton I don’t have a urine infection, people that don’t go often usually aren’t drinking enough water. Are you well hydrated? Maybe see your doctor

No I don't drink too much at school as I cannot leave the kids while I go for a wee.

They may need to go more than the regulation number of times if they're told to go at times they don't need to. For example, at lunch time kid runs around, then needs a big drink, then conscientiously goes to the loo because teacher says make sure you go at lunch time. When they actually need a pee because of the big drink is half an hour later.

At my infant school the toilets were outside across the playground and down steps. So we weren't supposed to go to the toilet during lessons for safety reasons.

It was an issue as some dcs regularly had accidents, and parents complained. I would certainly be speaking to the school about it. As my dm had only one kidney and died from bladder cancer I was always more aware of the need for people to be able to access the toilet.

It might be worth getting your daughter a "can't wait" card. It's free and is handy if she often needs to get to a toilet quickly.

www.bladderandbowel.org/help-information/just-cant-wait-card/

One time I helped in class for an afternoon I did notice the teacher ask TA to watch the class for a couple of minutes while she popped to the loo. Thought of MN

@thirdfiddle

It does happen but is rare.

One time I helped in class for an afternoon I did notice the teacher ask TA to watch the class for a couple of minutes while she popped to the loo. Thought of MN grin

Nothing wrong with that. I don’t have a TA though!!

@holiday

Worst when on break duty. On Thursdays I go from 7.30 till 12.15

When DD14 was in primary school we had an agreement that she didn't have to wait to ask, she could just say "Miss, I'm just going to the loo" or whatever and she'd be free to go. She'd been having an accidents almost daily before that and was miserable.

She had an under developed bladder (was only holding half the amount it should, which has since been rectified), and recurrent UTI's (which she's still prone to, but at that point they were extremely frequent). She also wasn't receiving the internal signals that she needed to go, iyswim. It was like when you have a UTI and the need to go is instant, even when she didn't have one. Again, that's ok now. We had medical help and all is (mostly) well.

When she got a new teacher for the end of her last term, she wouldn't honour the agreement and DD ended up having an awful time. Even with the Head giving her the all clear, she wouldn't budge without a Dr's note. We got one, but it shouldn't have been necessary.

I wish some posters who bang on about 'basic rights' just think for a minute. There is rarely more than 1 cubicle per sex. No teacher in their right mind knowingly let's more than 2 children out at a time especially when the toilets are in a separate room. You think that the whole class can trot off whenever they feel like it and have a riot waiting for a cubicle to free up? Getting 30 children toiletted before a coach trip can take 15 minutes, imagine that teaching time being eaten up every session. Primary teachers are usually reluctant during teaching time (15 minutes carpet time) but afterwards more relaxed but still only allowing out as many as there are cubicles. Even letting a child go with medical needs could still mean they have to wait until one frees up.

You think that the whole class can trot off whenever they feel like it and have a riot waiting for a cubicle to free up?

Nobody remotely suggested this for goodness sake.

Oh just their own child then?

Nobody suggested they be allowed out en masse. Jesus.

So what then? @jessica

I was extrapolating the 'demanding' of certain parents that their child be allowed to leave the room whenever they want, due to their 'basic rights' because it's obvious some people can't think beyond their own child.

Speak to the school & get something in writing if necessary from the consultants. Your daughter should absolutely be allowed to go to the loo WHENEVER she needs to - end of. The school has a duty to ensure they comply with any reasonable allowances based on health grounds - they cannot refuse. Your poor little girl should not be suffering unnecessarily. For the record, I work in a Primary School & we'd do this in a heartbeat - no question.

I was extrapolating the 'demanding' of certain parents that their child be allowed to leave the room whenever they want, due to their 'basic rights' because it's obvious some people can't think beyond their own child.

Are you a teacher? I sincerely hope not with this attitude towards parents. I’ve been a parent helper in school on a weekly basis and never did I see the entire class ask to go to the toilet at the same time. We are talking about allowing children to go as needed. No need for the whataboutery.

Maybe look up what 'extrapolating' means Jessica?

I know what it means and it was ridiculous. It’s reasonable to expect children can use toilets when they need to. Nobody would expect that a whole class could at the same time or that it would end up meaning large groups and queues. Indeed in practice, those teachers who aren’t ridiculous enough to limit toilet breaks, see that it isn’t a big deal or that disruptive. There are sensible adult ways to deal with it that I expect teachers to be able to manage without fuss. Most do in fact.

Every year I teach groups of children that regularly all try and go to the toilet and anyone that thinks they don’t do this is very naive! I am very relaxed about children going to the toilet in lessons but am also pretty good at judging who does and doesn’t need to go! Just explain about the medical issue no need for demands, if you haven’t been explicit the teacher won’t have realised, remember they are trying to remember a lot of details about 30 different children. I don’t know any teacher that wouldn’t let a child go in those circumstances.

We also have the toilet cubicle congestion issue semi-worked around - during the teaching time of the day it's not an issue - there's usually only one kid at the loo at a time (each class has their own loos). Only time there's a bit of a queue is during the washing hands before lunch time period where the teacher makes sure DD2 is sent just before the mass influx of children. In a dire emergency they'd just send her to the general disabled toilet if required as well.

I've generally found school more cooperative when I've presented them with the mostly-generated solution to the issue as a polite "this is an issue, I think this will solve it, can we get it in place?" semi fait-accompli to be honest. All very politely requested but it's much easier to just agree to a problem that's been solved for them.

And yes, I fully accept that one child asking to go to the toilet can then lead to another 3-4 requests which can disrupt the flow of the lesson which is why I've got the agreement she just ups and goes quietly without a fuss so that doesn't happen. Seen a few schools where they have a system the kids make the T (is it "time out" in ice hockey) sign with their hands and the teachers just nod to the child rather than breaking the flow of their input which can work with older kids (but my kid would probably manage to fuck up making the letter T and stab herself in the eye with her fingers or something bless her)

It's also worth communicating with the school how any arrangement like this is going to be shared with supply staff and student teachers in the school as well (especially in days where TA numbers are slashed so you can often get a class full of kids with no adult who knows how the land truly lies to advise you on supply... and you'd be amused by some of the stuff that "Mrs Normal always lets us..." do according to the kids)

You're not listening or reading properly. My original post was giving a valid reason why teachers might refuse a visit (no free cubicles). My children are perfectly happy, medical needs go straight out, They let me know

.....obviously incase of evacuation etc