AIBU to demand school let my daughter go to the toilet whenever she needs to?

[Janel85]

DD is 6 and has been having repeat urine infections since November. She has had kidney ultrasound and has a mild drainage problem. Long story short ended up in hospital last night because dd caught a bug. Couldn’t keep down any water or antibiotics and hadn’t been a wee in over 12 hours. The mild kidney dilation will be investigated further but doctor thinks the reason for repeat UTIs at DDs age is likely to be down to stagnation, holding onto her wee for too long because she feels uncomfortable going at school. Spoke to DD and apparently the policy of her teacher is that the children can only use the toilet at break times and snack time and if you ask at any other time then the answer is no. I think this is making my daughter very ill and it’s wrong AIBU?

Is it that your dd does not want to ask to go to the loo rather than her not being allowed?

My dd has urine/kidney infections and this is what I found to be the case. She didn't want to ask because she was aware of the school policy/rules.

In primary school she had a little laminated flower that she put on the teachers desk as she left the room. So no need to ask.

At secondary she has a card in her blazer that she shows to be excused from lessons.

It has never been a problem for her to go to the toilet. But my daughter before we got a system in place believed it was.

I'd simply go into school and discuss how your dd can be supported not to feel uncomfortable asking to go to the loo in class time.

The school should accommodate her due to medical reasons, but still tell your dd to make use of lunch and break times to use the loo as regardless of her problems it is a good habit to get into at that age and will reduce the number of times she needs to leave the classroom.

And to the posters who said adults aren't stopped from going to the toilet, of course they aren't, but adult in general know when it is appropriate to go. I wouldnt be happy if I was running a workshop and we had a comfort break, then 10 mins into the next session attendees starting disrupting the session by leaving the room for a pee!!

I understand why schools have these rules but they usually make exceptions for medical reasons (my son in secondary is allowed to go when he needs to no questions asked) I can't remember if it's equalities legislation but schools are supposed to make reasonable adjustments.

My original post was giving a valid reason why teachers might refuse a visit (no free cubicles).

Then I think a simple, ‘wait till so and so comes back’ is sufficient and no parent would complain about that. Again, whataboutery

With all due respect you don’t need the school to ‘change its policy’. By the time children are in Year one they should be able to have a wee before school starts, at break and at lunch without having to go during lessons- which is disruptive if you have 30 children all getting up and down to use the toilet- especially when 80% don’t actually need to go, but don’t want to do work, their friends are going to the toilet etc.

All you need to explain is that your dd due to a medical problem is unable to hold her urine so needs to go and empty her bladder as soon as she feels the urge. It’s no big deal really.

I would love those who say "go as and when needed" to teach a class. I can guarantee that when 3 children all come in from lunch and ask to go to the toilet you would be frustrated.

Throughout my DD’s primary they practised an open door policy. Rather than ask if they could go to the loo/go for a drink they simply mentioned they’re doing so.

Teacher’s response would be either “just wait until x comes back” or “fine”.

It really seemed to work well as a policy. Because the “holy grail” of getting out of lessons was removed, children tended to not take the proverbial. Of course teachers would raise with parents an excessive number of visits simply to rule out any issues.

@jacques
All classes are different though Surely you understand that?

YANBU of course the school won't mind (if they do they're insane and you need to change schools). Surely you just explain to the teacher and she'll explain to DD that she can go to the loo whenever she wants.

All classes are different though Surely you understand that?

Indeed. Surely you understand the use of the word “my” clearly informs the reader that it is a personal anecdote...?

Of course. However an open door policy cannot always be used, that was my point.

Of course. However an open door policy cannot always be used, that was my point

Which was why I didn’t suggest it should.

Either way in OP's case we have a child with a medical issue so once OP talks to the teacher I'm sure it'll be no problem to have open door for that child.

Which is how it should be for those with medical problems. The children in my class don't even ask if they have a medical reason, the rest are told to wait till breaktime, lunchtime or hometime.

I think I would be more frustrated or concerned if numerous children wet their pants or girls developed a urine infection due to a teachers unreasonable expectations to hold on.

I think I would be more frustrated or concerned if numerous children wet their pants or girls developed a urine infection due to a teachers unreasonable expectations to hold on

Indeed. Not to mention older girls with periods thrown into the mix.

It is not just girls who can get bladder infections. To be honest if they are that desperate to wet themselves they could have gone at playtime.

It is not just girls who can get bladder infections. To be honest if they are that desperate to wet themselves they could have gone at playtime.

It is predominantly girls who get infections, for what I hope for a teacher is fairly obvious reasons. I don’t think anyone is ‘desperate to wet themselves’ and unfortunately bladders of children don’t align neatly with archaic educational institutions timetables.

Missbuxton no it's not just girls, but given the biological facts of how girls and boys genitalia are different, it's not difficult to see how it's more likely to be girls is it?

Also, you're assuming that the children are doing it deliberately which is faintly ridiculous.

@jessica

What I meant was if a child asks and he/she are refused and end up wetting themselves in the time they have to wait then obviously they were pretty desperate to go so would have had the urge to go at the break.

@intheheat

Doing what deliberately?

so would have had the urge to go at the break.

Well it doesn’t always work like that, especially for children. I find it so odd to police children’s
urinary systems like this and set limits and rules around bodily functions that none of us, let alone children, can completely control.

Missbuxton wetting themselves!

If a child asks an hour after break are you seriously telling me that they would have known an hour earlier and that they wet themselves because they'd ignored the urge to go an hour earlier?

I really really hope you're not a teacher.

InTheHeatofLisbon they are a teacher!

@intheheat

I was referring to children who ask straight after a break. A child who needs the loo an hour after a break surely can wait 9/10 times for another hour tops until the next break.