Engagement party disaster

[tonymac]

NC as potentially outing.

I had my engagement party on Saturday and it descended into slight chaos. To me, usual family drama, which ended up in a bit of a scuffle - my partner was joint equally to blame for it all - along with some random distant cousin who I've not seen for years.

I was annoyed, ofcourse I was - but I've been around long enough to know these things happen. I'd have preferred it didn't obviously, but I had a bit of a moan when we got home, and then put it behind me and forgot about it. It was an excellent night bar 5 minutes at the end and for me, it can all be forgotten about.

However, one of my friends (who was right in about it all and gave my stepfather a total mouthful of abuse for telling her to go away and stop antagonising the situation) just won't let it go. She's messaging me daily asking how things are and if my partner is still trying to make it up to me. Going on and on about how ridiculous she thinks the whole situation was and how she's so hurt for me. I do appreciate her concern and I know she's just looking out for me, but all I really want to do is forget about it. It's water off a ducks back for me and what's annoying me most is everyone still talking about it a week later.

AIBU to tell her for the millionth time that it's fine and I'm over it and no I'm not leaving DP for it, only with a sprinkling of back the heck off before we fall out included this time?

Maybe she doesn't get out much? It was obviously a big event for her. Just ignore.

Perhaps your friend isn't used to your usual family scuffles and roughousing roustabouting by your fiancé? I would be worried too tbh. (Never had a family scuffle or a face off between any of us)

Your fiance got involved in a fight at your engagement party ? But that’s usual in your family ?
Maybe your friend has a point ...

What do you mean by “scuffle “ and “total mouthful of abuse “?

Can you be direct with her? “Look I know you’re only trying to look out for me but this really isn’t helping so can you just drop it as it’s really starting to annoy me and I don’t want to fall out with you”?

Your friend has a point.

I have to be honest, as annoying as she sounds, I've literally never been to a party where there's been a physical altercation (and not for a lack of 'getting out much') and it would definitely still be mentionworthy a week later if I did. Everyone I know would be totally horrified by a fight at an engagement party and would expect the bride to be horrified at the groom for joining in so I can see where she's coming from with her reaction.

What actually happened?

@ImNotNigel by scuffle I mean a few drunken punches were thrown, it was all over in less than a minute, said distant cousin left and everyone was happy leaving.

By mouthful of abuse, I don't know exactly because stepfather is refusing to repeat what she said to him. He wasn't drinking, and is generally very fair and level headed, so I'm assuming it wasn't great..

I expect she comes from a family who don’t end every family get together with a “scuffle” and is therefore concerned about you. I know you say you’re used to it, but it really isn’t normal.

We need details; lots of them before a decision can be made 😉

It sounds like a nice, classy do. The wedding will be a riot.

The wedding will be fun.
Sounds like your friend is just concerned about you... and if you were my friend, I probably would be too. Why are you marrying a man who scraps with your cousin (?) at your engagement party for goodness sake?

I went to a friends babies christening... it was at her BFs family home, and a group of us travelled down to attend.

There was a massive family argument on the day, and it was awful. We actually left early, as it was so upsetting and just something I wasn't used to being around or wanted my DC to witness. And I've massively cooled the friendship, declining any invitations made since.

What's normal to you can actually be really shocking and upsetting to others.

What happened?

Your post doesn't really explain it, it's quite vague.

It really wasn't a big deal at all - even my own dad has spent the week insisting that it's nothing to worry about every time my now sheepish fiancé has tried to speak about it.

I don't even know what it was over, but I've definitely seen a lot worse on many many occasions

if you mean there was actual physical violence, I'd interpret her messages as concern.

if you want to tell her to eff off with her concern, then feel free, but I wonder if you'd be losing a decent caring person.

Did they actually get into a fight???

I've never been to an engagement party where people have been fighting/arguing never mind it involving the groom.

Mouthfuls of abuse, drunken punches, but it happens, it’s no big deal
It really doesn’t, op, outside the set of Shameless.

Having seen worse doesnt make this ok.

I come from a family like yours and distance myself. It is a big deal. If dp got in a fight I would want to know the fuck was going on.

How often does your partner get into scuffles?

I would be horrified if my partner reacted physically to any provocation at a special event.

Out of curiosity, what exactly would you consider a big deal?

I’d be direct with her, ask her to stop going in about it.
These things happen sometimes when alcohol is involved.
Glad to see you’re being level headed about it

She is a drama llama! Don't feed the drama llama!