Engagement party disaster

[tonymac]

NC as potentially outing.

I had my engagement party on Saturday and it descended into slight chaos. To me, usual family drama, which ended up in a bit of a scuffle - my partner was joint equally to blame for it all - along with some random distant cousin who I've not seen for years.

I was annoyed, ofcourse I was - but I've been around long enough to know these things happen. I'd have preferred it didn't obviously, but I had a bit of a moan when we got home, and then put it behind me and forgot about it. It was an excellent night bar 5 minutes at the end and for me, it can all be forgotten about.

However, one of my friends (who was right in about it all and gave my stepfather a total mouthful of abuse for telling her to go away and stop antagonising the situation) just won't let it go. She's messaging me daily asking how things are and if my partner is still trying to make it up to me. Going on and on about how ridiculous she thinks the whole situation was and how she's so hurt for me. I do appreciate her concern and I know she's just looking out for me, but all I really want to do is forget about it. It's water off a ducks back for me and what's annoying me most is everyone still talking about it a week later.

AIBU to tell her for the millionth time that it's fine and I'm over it and no I'm not leaving DP for it, only with a sprinkling of back the heck off before we fall out included this time?

I don't think punch ups are normal. I get out a fair bit and whilst I could be described as a snob, my dad is an alcoholic and it's difficult to be all Hyacinth Bucket when your dad's more Homer Simpson. And these days if he did throw a punch he'd probably just fall over.

Your friend does sound like she's stirring rather than concerned OP. But that said, please do just bear in mind that for many of us, scuffles and fights are not run of the mill things.

I love that OP NC’d in case it would be outing!
Anyone attending this delightful soirée would know exactly who she is.
It’s hard to not notice when people start thumping each other at an engagement party

Anyone attending this delightful soirée would know exactly who she is

Yes. That's why she name changed. They'll know who she is but they will only see this thread, not all the other information she may well have given away in other threads under another name.

Aaaah yes, thank you Belenus

I think the poster is being given too much of a hard time. She doesn’t say it ‘normal’, just that these things do happen and what is done is done. I haven’t ever been to a formal event where there has been a fight but these from time to time people do argue/ fight/ family disputes etc... and yes it is life!

It sounds like your friend is more riding on the drama wave than genuinely concerned

Have a great wedding... and remember any publicity is better than none at all 😉

the biggest trouble causers Dad is in the Sunday Times Rich List

Which goes to show that money can’t buy one class.

Why would I assume you're being sarcastic, @DeniseRoyal ?

I don't know you from Adam, and there are a surprising number of people coming onto this thread to say that punch-ups are normal to them.

I can’t believe so many people on here live in an actual bubble. Never seen a punch up! Were you never young and watched a couple of young lads go at it. Walking through the town centre and seen a couple of drunks shouting abuse at each other. Been in a pub and seen a fight erupting even if it comes to nothing. I have never been involved in a fight yet have seen a fair few while growing up, and yes even at parties (well you can’t choose your family so ultimately they don’t all get along!) Your friend sounds like she is a nosy twat, you have been polite. Time to tell her to give it a rest or it will damage your friendship.

I grew up and live in central London and I have never attended a party which ended in s punch-up. How odd that OP thinks this totally normal!

I can’t believe so many people on here live in an actual bubble. Never seen a punch up! Were you never young and watched a couple of young lads go at it. Walking through the town centre and seen a couple of drunks shouting abuse at each other. Been in a pub and seen a fight erupting even if it comes to nothing

I don't think anyone's saying that, I've seen two people get glassed in fights over a game of pool and agro when a local derby match was shown on tv.

People are saying that at formal family gatherings they've not seen punch ups. A wedding or a christening is a bit of a different setup to city centre pub at chucking out time.

This thread is priceless

Jeremy Kyle themed engagement party

Hahaha

Codswallop.

I think OP is being treated pretty harshly here. I don’t think she’s saying it’s normal to have a punch up. She is just reluctant to let other people’s behaviour spoil what was an otherwise enjoyable evening for her.
No, I’ve never been to a wedding/engagement party where there has been a punch up, but have been to plenty where an old uncle fell of his chair drunk, the best man made an inappropriate joke in the speech etc.
What do real friends do? Ignore it and play it down to the happy couple who are already anxious about the event going well.
OP- your friend is being unreasonable. Tell her you want to remember what a great night you had- not an unfortunate event in the closing minutes of the evening.

Your thread title says it all!

It would be an acutely embarrassing and humiliating disaster if my fiance threw punches.

Were there children present?!

Best if you up the security for any future gatherings: bouncers for the wedding and minders for your fiance may be?

May be ask everyone to sign a good behaviour contract before the next social event?

If I were a solicitor and I had a fist flying fiance I'd be very concerned indeed.

Don't you think having a vicious husband to be will wreck or at least damage your reputation as a solicitor?

You say this is pretty normal for you. Does this mean you are used to your fiance reacting in violence when his short fuse is ignited or is your family just a run of the mill Jeremy Kyle type family where people scream obscenities and brawl?

It's all about what sort of role model you want for any DC you might have in your life.

Drunk or otherwise thuggish/ loutish behaviour is not an attractive trait and if he is prepared to act like that in public goodness knows what he might behave like in private!

LTB!

Tell her straight it wouldn't be a family function without a bit of drama. Then say the good thing with family is the next morning it's all over with. Tell her it was him this time but who's to say it won't be you at the next. Might shut her up
@TriciaH87 straight up advice here!

I suspect many of the people who apparently have never seen a fight in their lives have also not gone out much. Their parties are perhaps on the tamer side. Meh. It happens.

You do realise it's possible to have a good time involving alcohol, music, stories, laughter, singing, dancing (if it's late enough and enough has been taken) - and no Eastenders punch-ups...?

Incredible the lives some people lead, that non-feral behaviour as part of a raucous night out, is quite so inconceivable to them.

Oh my god people are being so stuck up on here! I personally view places like mumsnet these days as social media where some types just come on to brag how perfect their lives are!
I don’t think it’s that unusual and before people start with comments about I’m from a “Jeremy Kyle” family I’m talking about a broad spectrum of life experience of colleagues, friends and acquaintances of hearing of these things that do just go on! While we’re jumping to conclusions the ones who keep quoting “sounds like something off Jeremy Kyle” I’m going to assume you are all scruffs lying around in leggings watching that tripe all day seen as you are quite the experts!
I can imagine your fiancé was antagonised to react that way at his own event. Families are so difficult and there’s always one who ruins it. Just tell your friend you’re sick of talking about it! Everyone’s always perfect when it comes to judging other people’s families and if she was in the thick of it she hardly sounds like some shrinking violet who was horrified.

Normal is relative isn't it?

Not normal to me, and my family/DPs family. Normal to other families.

I confess to being shocked to hear of a wedding recently where the best man got tasered for fighting with the police who were trying to arrest the groom.

Can we at least all concur that that is NOT normal? Or indeed usual.

I've seen how barristers act up when they all get together after a few drinks. I once felt compelled to apologize to an after-dinner speaker at one of their shindigs because I and many other fellow-attendees were squirming in shame over the way they behaved. There were no punches thrown, but even my 5-YO would be ashamed to be seen with such a set of immature, embarrassing, ignorant oiks.

This engagement shower sounds more like Three Fights, Two Weddings and a Funeral AKA Paul Calf, especially if this kind of thing happens on any kind of regular basis as the OP suggests. It's not in any way normal.

I would have NC too!

I have never been so shocked at a thread. MN is usually quite tame and I have been no end reassured by the fact the many other MNers jaws have also hit the floor. But seriously op I would be very wary about having any children with this man as 1) what kind of example will it set 2) if he is so weak he is incapable of controlling himself who knows what he will do if he loses his temper with his kids. Horrifying.

Tonymac - Only you know if your friend is 1) showing kind concern for you or 2) if she is actually dining out on the story, lapping up the details and texting you to get an update on the next episode of the drama. If it's 1, then a polite text saying that the most helpful thing she can do now is drop it. If it's 2) I would really question the friendship as she is unlikely to change so a sterner request to stop going on about it is required. She was abusive to your step father who you say is generally fair, so I suspect she's in the latter camp. Good luck.
Glad to hear the offending cousin is not invited to your wedding.

I think if it was going to happen at all, its better that it happened right at the end of an engagement party and not at the start of a wedding day. It gives you a chance to think how you can plan your wedding to avoid any further outbreaks.

Take the biscuit.. we still don't know how the Fiance was involved. He might have been trying to eject the cousin. We do know that the cousin started the incident.

The OP called it a scuffle between her partner and his cousin so it is fair to assume they both had an equal part to play.

@tonymac so has your friend stopped texting you?

I'm getting the impression that several posters on this thread are, like OP's annoying friend, wanking themselves cross-eyed over this SHOCKING TERRIBLE DRAMA. A bit of a scrap, while not anyone's proudest moment, is not that big a deal, either. And it's also usually the people who have managed to make it into at least their late 20s without ever meeting anyone who isn't just like themwho get the most pant-wettingly excited concerned about witnessing a fight, or meeting someone who is LGBTQ, or being in a room with someone who once took some drugs.

one of my friends (who was right in about it all and gave my stepfather a total mouthful of abuse for telling her to go away and stop antagonising the situation)
She's revelling in the drama of it all.
Why don't you just tell her bluntly what you thought of her shit-stirring behaviour and attention seeking?
Then tell her bugger off?